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Why am I being such a coward? I cannot think straight towards my permanent rest

Everytime I feel like okay this is it, everytime I plan "Tomorrow I will move my stupid butt to go around town various pharmacy searching for various pills pertaining to bloot sugar, blood pressure medicines" in bulk(around 3-4 batches) and take 1 file each, if one batch doesnt work, I will have two more to try again.

But everytime I cannot think of actually doing it. Its like one moment I am extremely in ready state but for some reason my mind now wants to only think of funny stuff. How can I actually go ahead and do it? I am tired of this childish game I play with myself.

I have also withdrawn the money from an ATM machine because it wont be wise to pay with bank transfer as I wouldnt want any of those pharmacies getting into trouble because of me

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