I've (28M) been together with my wife (27F) for 7 years. She's never had hygiene issues. She has always been a little bit messy and untidy. Leaving dishes out in bedroom/living room. Etc.
About 3 years ago it got so bad in the bedroom when it came to cleanliness/tidy that I decided to move myself into the spare bedroom and sleep separately. Soon after I started using the other bathroom too. Potty never flushed, tooth paste all over the counter, make up everywhere. Clothes everywhere. Literally no space for me to even keep a toothbrush without worrying it would get something on it. Keep in mind we live in a very big house. The bedroom we shared is 30' by 14'. The bathroom has a 7' long vanity. 6 bedrooms. 3.5 bathrooms.
I've brought up my concerns many times. Which usually resulted in a mediocre clean/tidy and then immediately back to mess.
5 months ago we were blessed with our first born child. Since his birth the entire house has become unlivable for me. Dirty diapers in the bedroom for weeks. Living room is unsharable for me. Just stuff everywhere and never put away. Hygiene issues also. 1 shower per week. Many days without deodorant.
I feel trapped in my own house. It stresses me out. I offered to hire a cleaning lady to come by on a regular basis but the house is in such disarray that I don't know if she could even clean. There's stuff everywhere. I don't want to come out of my room some days.
I've had talks with her about this and have told her how much it stresses me out. Shes tried to make some attempts but I don't know if she realizes that what she did is like 1% of what I need.
I've tried to be a leader in the matter and gotten rid of even more of my stuff. I really don't have many things but she doesn't follow suit when I recommend that she gets rid of some old things. I've tried to go through her things with her but she gets so defensive when I recommend getting rid of old things that she doesn't use or will ever have a use for.
She complains we don't have enough space/storage. I built her storage in our basement and in our kitchen. It gets filled and then other items appear. I honestly don't know where it all comes from.
I'm not the cleanest or least messy person in the world. I'm not asking for perfection. I'm not even asking to be minimalistic like myself. I just want to feel at home in my own house. I'm really struggling. I honestly feel like I need to live in a different house from my wife.
Can someone please help me figure this out? I really don't know what else to tell my wife or what I can do to help.
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I grew up as the only child in a house with 6 bedrooms. My mother managed to fill 3 bedrooms and 4 closets with clothes and bric-a-brac. There was so much random shit in that house that we had to make double-digit numbers of trips to the dump to get rid of it all when we moved.
Packages would show up almost daily from amazon with new slop from her
retail therapy 
that would go forgotten and disused a month later.
Frick hoarders and filthoids. Subhuman behavior and i hope the moid takes the kid and leaves.
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