For the love of God, stop telling me that eggs are a low-effort, high-protein breakfast: from /r/ADHDWomen

>Light in fire in your house. You can't forget about it and walk away. Also, if you didn't clean under the burner properly last time, now there is a half a noodle under there burning. It will either smell weird and concern you, or set off the whole-butt fire alarm

This is called "cooking".

>Crack open the salmonella rocks in your house. You cannot touch anything after you crack them open, because they are probably poisonous. You also have to crack them specifically to not get egg shells into your food

Eggs are perfectly safe to touch. If you care, you can wash the shells.

>Whisk the eggs. No, not with a whisk, you idiot! With a fork! Everyone knows you don't actually use whisks for eggs! Oh God, did you add milk? You're not supposed to add milk! Despite that being how your mom always does it and your mom being awesome/ making yummy eggs!

A "whisk" is a kitchen tool that could totally be used to whisk eggs. That said, the act of whisking doesn't require a whisk. Many people use forks because they're whisking 1-3 eggs and a whisk is simply too much whisk. Also, I add milk to my eggs all the time, taste great. Never seen a chef forbid milk in eggs (though using butter is maybe a little better)

>Put the egg bowl, the whisk you used, and the eggshells...somewhere? You can't just leave them on the counter, you need to clean as you go (the classic, helpful advice to not get overwhelmed!) How do you open the trash can to get the raw egg shells in there without getting raw egg all over? Do you need to Lysol your whole kitchen after this?

Leave them on your counter if you want lolol. Who cares. Also, I have a trashcan with a foot pedal so I could in theory have both my hands full of eggs and put them inside. Idk if she's kobe-ing these eggs into the trash but I've never gotten "egg everywhere".

Eggs on the pan, stir gently. Not too gently, because then it'll cook on the edges only and you'll get oddly dry, flaky eggs. Not too often though. You need to get a feel for it. Someday you'll just get a feel for it. Why don't you do this often enough to have a feel for it?

This is just litterally learning how to cook. If you make 10 eggs over 10 days, your 10th egg will be better than your first. Human beings evolved the ability to learn for this reason.

>Know when they're done. Alton Brown says to take them off early, because they keep cooking on the plate. Salmonella says to cook them thoroughly. Internally panic long enough that you make them rubbery and burnt anyway.

Alton Brown tells you to do this to not get the rubbery and burnt texture. Salmonella doesn't say anything, it's a disease that is incredibly rare. Alton brown worked in a professional kitchen that would get their asses sued to oblivion if they served raw salmonella egg, so uh, maybe fricking trust his judgement when he says take them off early?

>Eat. They do not taste as good as other people's eggs. You get the ick. Don't waste your food! Keep going! Oh god, you forced yourself. Now you hate the taste of eggs and won't eat them for another 4 months.

I mean if you just don't like eggs why are you cooking them lol. I like mine with bacon.

Clean the pan. It's non-stick, which, btw, is evil and killing birds and small children. Can you put in the dishwasher? No, you have to hand-wash. Hey, your sink isn't clean! You need to deal with all these dishes! Maybe if you were a better person, you would've done that already! Oop, is that the dish you whisked the eggs in? Did that touch some other dishes? Yep, salmonella is on everything. Oh, and if you hand-wash, you need to find a spot to dry your dishes. Your kitchen counter needs to have a clear enough space to drip-dry. Why don't you have that? You idiot.

WTF I have to clean my pans?

Anyways, ADHD ISNT REAL AND COOKING EGGS IS EASY.