Friendly Kiwi

Dear w*stoid.

You useless piece of shit. You absolute waste of space and air. You uneducated, ignorant, idiotic dumb swine, you’re an absolute embarrassment to humanity and all life as a whole. The magnitude of your failure just now is so indescribably massive that one hundred years into the future your name will be used as an insult by edgy twelve year olds. Even if all of humanity put together their collective intelligence there is no conceivable way they could have thought up a way to frick up on the unimaginable scale you just did. When Jesus died for our sins, he must not have seen the sac religious act we just witnessed you performing, because if he did he would have forsaken humanity long ago so that your birth may have never become reality. After you die, your skeleton will be displayed in a museum after being scientifically researched so that all future generations may learn not to generate your bone structure, because every tiny detail anyone may have in common with you degrades them to a useless piece of trash and a burden to society. We might as well never have formed the phantom thieves, because surely not any amount of rotten adults would be able to affect the world as negatively as you just did. The only reason I am not reporting you to the police as we speak is that I know for a fact that their weak, pathetic prisons will never be able to hold such an indescribable evil. No wonder your dad beat you when you were little, it turns out he was trying to guard the world from the colossal mistake he had created. Kamoshida had every right to break your leg, because he was only trying to immobilize the incredible failure that is you so that your terrible mistakes may not spread to innocent foreign countries all over the world. He has not succeeded though, because your indescribable failure was on such an incredibly ginormous scale, that not even the possible life forms at the edge of the universe could have been guarded from it. Your birth made it so that mankind is worse of in every way you can possibly imagine, and you have made it so that society can never really recover into a state of organization. Everything has forever fallen into a bewildering chaos, through which unrecognizable core, you can only find misfortune. I would say the apocalypse is upon us but this is merely the closest word humans have for the sheer scale of horror that is now reality. You have forever condemned everyone you love and know into an eternal state of suffering, worse than any human concept of heck. I may not be a human, but I will forever have more humanity than you, for you are truly a wretched, horrible, filthy, evil monster because of what you just did. No wonder society rejected you: you were eventually going to break it beyond recognition. You are such an unholy being, that if you step within a one hundred foot radius of a holy place or a place that has ever been deemed important by anyone, your distorted sac religious soul will ruin whatever meaning it ever had beyond repair. You are an idiotic, shiteating, dumbass ape and no one has ever loved you. The phantom thieves and the world would have been so much better of if you had never joined us. You say you want to help the world but then you destroy everything everyone has ever worked for to such an extreme extent immediately when you have the chance? You are a lying, backstabbing, cowardly useless piece of shit and I hate you with every single part of my being. We could just have you replace Satanael, except even Satan is not that evil, and because of his high stats he at least lands a fricking attack! Even this worlds finest writers and poets from throughout the ages could never hope to accurately describe the scale on which you just fricked up, and how incredibly idiotic you are. Anyone that believes in any religion out there should now realize that they have been wrong this entire time, for if there was a god, he would never have allowed a being such as you to stain the earth and this universe. In the future there will be horror movies made about you, with the scariest part of them being that the viewer has to realize that such an indescribable monster actually exists, and that the horrific events from the movie have actually taken place in the same world that they live in right now. In the future, YouTube videos will get demonetized for making a sound that even resembles your name, and social media posts will get flagged and taken down for daring to speak about a topic like you. You are the absolute embodiment of everything that has ever been wrong on this earth, yet you manage to make it so that that is only a small part of the evil that is your being. Never in the history of mankind has there been anyone that could have predicted such an eldrich abomination, but here you are. It’s hard to believe that I am seeing such an incredible failure with my own eyes, but here I am, so unfortunately I cannot deny your existence. Even if I did my very best, my vocabulary is not able to describe the sheer magnitude of the idiotic mistake that is you. Even if time travel some day will be invented, there still would not be a single soul willing to go back in time to before this moment to fix history, because having to witness such incredible horrors if they failed would have to many mental and physical drawbacks that not even the bravest soul in history would be willing to risk it. I cannot imagine the pure dread your mother must have felt when she had to carry a baby for nine months and then giving birth to such a wretched monster as you. Not a single word of the incoherent, illogical rambling you may be wanting to do to defend yourself or apologize would ever be able to make up for what you just did. The nations of this world would have wanted to

Snapshots:

• archive.org
• archive.ph (click to archive)