On a website full of terminally online autists, people post pretty much whenever they're awake. So, if you scrape their most recent 750 comments, you can plot when they comment and figure out when they sleep. Then, using this IDF-tier intel, you can safely steal their car while they are blissfully dreaming of bussy.
Since we know @carpathianflorist is a darn Yank, he's in UTC-5 EST for most of the data, more recently UTC-4 EDT. We see a small blip in posting at 6 AM when he wakes up, which continues up through 11 PM local time, until he always goes AFD (Away From Drama) from 2β6 AM or so. We also see a prominent noontime spike for lunch. Unfortunately, the rest of the data lacks sufficient statistical power to determine if he has a favored time for an on-the-clock afternoon shit.
Compare that to @bye who is shifted almost perfectly three hours behind
, putting him in UTC-8 PST / UTC-7 PDT on the West Coast. Looks like a 9 PM dinnertime and typically staying up poasting until 2 AM. Imagine: to get info this good a few decades ago, you'd have to follow someone around all day in a suspiciously well-maintained Crown Vic while wearing dark sunglasses. Now they give it away for free!
@Aevann is in UTC+2 EET
. Unlike our other examples, he's obviously a codecel because he doesn't sleep, and he's most reliably active from 4PM to 3AM local time.
Finally, we can use @zozbot to judge general site commenting activity. Ze replies to one in a thousand comments, giving us a truly random sample. It's fairly similar to Carp's chart, so either the site is being carried by East Coast Ameroids, or everyone here except me is actually Carp.
If you want a chart for your own account, ask and you'll get it for free 
. If you want to find out when your rDrama crush is active so you can harass them most efficiently, 100 DC 
gets you whomever you want, either publicly if requested in this thread or privately in DMs with the utmost confidentiality. (Terms and conditions apply: if the account of interest is private, I can't get the comments, and I will keep your dramacoin as an r-slur surcharge and probably post about it to shame you.)
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Everyone, please sign this petition: Remove MasterLawlz from the Mod Team of Drama
Even if he means the apology, does it really matter at this point? Would you forgive Hitler if he repented? Even if maanu123 fixes things and brings real, juicy cringe to the sub for us to feast, let me ask you this again. How many lives would Hitler have to save for you to forgive his transgressions?
Above all else, he doesn't seem to have learned his lesson. Do you really want the full force of Cringetopia coming at you again Lawlz? I didn't think so. I think you should outline your failures and send INDIVIDUAL apologies to those you harmed, a general apology to ALL of Reddit, and an acknowledgment of how your unearned karma that you know you STOLE from the average redditor is illegitimate and should be forfeited if possible.
I actually started to tear up at the end. I understand the position you're in Lawlz, I really do, but some things can't be forgiven. You can "forgive" your partner for sleeping with another woman. You can also "forgive" your partner for drunkenly groping your daughter while you were at work. These things have a very, very small scale of victims and don't really bring the world down a lot. You have chosen to commit a much greater sin. Reddit is one of the PREMIER social media platforms with many users being doctors, lawyers, and journ*lists. You have sabotaged a group of highly educated individuals that see right through your manipulation and gaslighting tactics.
In conclusion, I tend to lead to the sensitive side with a penchant for forgiveness, but today? I... WE are pushing back against my tendencies.
Mod team of Drama, you have 24 hours to remove /u/MasterLawlz as a mod. Any longer than that and... things might get dicey.
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Thanks to
@Tickle for reminding me about our dearest Snappy.
Looks pretty much like the zozbot one for understandable reasons. Though zozbot suggests a disproportionate comment to post ratio in the afternoon UTC compared to other times.
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