grooming enthusiast post If you don't use groomercord why are you even here?

How is this:

Jerry, one of our most entertaining friends, is no more.

He has ceased to be. Bereft of life he rests in peace. He's kicked the bucket, hopped the twig, bit the dust, snuffed it, breathed his last, and gone to meet the Great Janny in the Sky. And I guess what we’re all thinking is how sad it is that a man of such talent, of such capability and kindness, and of such intelligence should now be so suddenly spirited away at his young age, before he’d achieved many of the things of which he was capable, and before he’d had enough fun.

Well, to that I feel that I should say: Nonsense. Good riddance to him, the freeloading bastard. I hope he fries.

And the reason I think I should say this is that he would never forgive me if I didn’t. If I threw away this glorious opportunity to shock you all on his behalf. Anything for him but mindless good taste.

I could hear him whispering in my ear as I was writing this, to put on an opulent display of voluptuous indiscretion. Panties dropping, blasphemers on pogo sticks, spectacular displays of high-speed farting, synchronized incest.

You see, the trouble is, I can’t. If he were here with me now, I would probably have the courage because he always emboldened me. But the truth is, I lack his balls and his splendid defiance. And so I’ll have to be content imagining it.

Jerry would have wanted it this way. Really, anything for him but mindless good taste. And that’s what I’ll always remember about him — apart, of course, from his olympian extravagance. He was the Prince of Bad Taste. He loved to shock. In fact, Jerry, more than anyone I knew, embodied and symbolised all that was most offensive and juvenile in our world. And his delight in shocking people led him on to greater and greater feats. I like to think of him as the pioneering beacon that beat the path along which fainter spirits could follow.

And for this Jerry, I thank you.