Runts Power Ranking

Like our ancestors, I am of the opinion that candy should be a little bit gross to prevent you from getting used to convenient pleasures. While many classics like Good'N'Plenty and Jujubes stray too far into the realm of ick with little or no actual appeal, Runts are more of a treasure hunt. Like Jelly Belly jelly beans, a box contains something desirable peppered with little inedible turds to serve as reminders of life's difficulties, as well as a sort of speed bump for greedy fingers and fat spirits.

This is the runts power ranking, based on the box I just purchased.

>1. Banana

By itself it's one of the best semihard candies out there. Satisfyingly crunchy, but soft enough to confidently bite without worrying about chipping a tooth. Pro tip: you can buy them in bulk online and they're delicious in a bowl with chocolate chips

>2. Red Heart/Strawberry

Solid on its own, delicious when combined with the banana

>3. Grape

Kind of weird but not too bad. Honestly I wouldn't eat these if they didn't come in the box, but I'm not going to throw them out either

>4. Green Heart/Lime/Apple/idk

These aren't good, but they're saved from the bottom slot by the existence of the orange. Avoid.

>5. Orange

Scary-hard and with a flavor apparently designed by sickos who like the taste of chewable children's Motrin. This is one of the worst candies out there. Strong avoid. Don't eat them, just save them to throw at people

I hadn't thought about these things in years, but grocery chain Sprouts now sells knockoff Runts in their bulk bins and last week I bought a bag for probably the first time since I received a small packet in my Halloween candy from some scroogy neighbor who probably also passed out Dots. These come with even more flavors but imo the balance skews more towards things you actually want to eat.

>1. Banana

Return of the King

>2. Strawberry

It actually looks like a strawberry in this mix. Still runner up

>3. Peach?/Orange & Red Heart:

Overall very mild but pretty tasty. A good supporting player.

>4. Blue Ball

idk if these are supposed to be blueberry or what. The taste is a little more polarizing than the peach, but it's a decent-ish berry flavor that avoids invoking yogurt or the dreaded blue raspberry

>5. Lime/Green Golf Ball

Tastes kind of like a banana daiquiri when paired with the banana, but kind of gross and astringent on its own. Also these are scary hard and you probably shouldn't attempt to eat them if you have dental issues.

>6. Orange/Orange Golf Ball/Utz Cheese Ball

The worst of the worst. Tastes like an orange runt, but the candy itself is larger and harder. Avoid at all costs.