my review of that A24 film nobody liked

Characters

Hi, I'm Nick Offerman, the not-so-subtle stand-in for Donald Trump. I'm a little expensive these days, so you won't see me again until the end of the film. I'm unambiguously evil, and that's about all the writers could trust you with.

We're the most boring fricking characters ever put to film. I literally skipped all the scenes where these two have heart-to-hearts

ay mang i'm the cool self-insert, I have literally no character development whatsoever nor do I ever drive the plot. I played pablo escobar that one time

Worldbuilding

A civil war in america? Wow, lots to play with here, one can only imagine the vast array of characters, factions and locations you could have, not to mention the deep political commentar-

b-word you thought. There's just one faction called 'Western Forces', that's it, that's all you'll ever know about them. Also they're California and Texas, cos frick you, they famously agree on everything. trust me tho that president is a real bad hombre. Here's a pointless scene of me buying a hat. There's also something called the 'Florida Alliance' which I'll mention once but then forget about despite my being from there.

Oh, you wanted some exposition on how this thing started? That would be a little political sweety, can I interest you in a timewasting scene where we watch two guys snipe an unseen third guy?

Plot

being a journ*list is heroic, brave, and real. We literally never lie or act like cowards. I'll put this gay platitudinous message like a pill into the cheese of barely-passable action scenes in the hopes you'll lap it up. I'm gonna tie these action scenes together with a poorly written string of roadtrip sequences so it seems like a film.

then there's this shitty scene where the characters learn the power of love and friendship in some godforsaken hippie commie pinko liberal commune, by this point the nausea had reached a fever pitch

oopsie spoilers! The film ends with a brave black QUEEN shooting the Trump Stand-in. She's all like. "y'all crackers don't season yo chicken" And then pops two in him. Everyone claps, racism is defeated. There is no denouement despite the pseudo-main character, played by a tremendously post-wall Kirsten Dunst , dying at the end.

The Good

This guy was awesome. I think he was an allegory for chuds and was supposed to appear kind of stupid or bumbling but was pretty menacing. He shot a and a

There's an unintentionally funny scene at the beginning where a bunch of water priestesses and lunchtime rowdies are screamin bout dey stimulus cheqs, they're going 'WHERES MUH WADDAH' 'WHERES MAH FOOD' and they all get fricking blown to kingdom come by a . I think the libshit writers imagined this would be some heavy-hitting 'woah this film is the real deal' moment but it literally played like comedy, stonetoss could've written this scene