Divorcees of rdrama.net, what do you even do in this situation? How do you get the ball rolling without getting all your money stolen away and your life ruined?
I can't bear her anymore. She makes me miserable when I'm around her. I look forward to her going to work because being in her presence makes me seethe.
She's unloving, she's involved in politics and that's all she talks about which makes me so bored. She has lost all sense of fun and humour. She's got a shit part-time job but is actually quite capable -- if she spent half the time she spent doing politics shite for free she'd have a decent career. If I dare raise the fact she's got an easy job and does nothing to bring additional income to the family, she gets angry and upset that I'm demeaning her.
She does nothing around the house so it's always a mess. I work full time and have a decent career in data. Currently manipulating behind the scenes for another promotion to director level and, no bullshit about male and females roles in household chores, I don't have the time to clean shit up when she has been at home all day doing nothing important.
Ideally, if she were to get elected as a politician -- which isn't likely to happen but that's what her focus is on -- that would be an ideal time for me to leave her because instead of earning 4 times less than me, she'd earn the same so I wouldn't get fricked with child support.
But it's so unlikely to happen -- she's failed twice before to get anywhere but just won't stop. So I'm stuck. Options are wait another 10 years for the kids to be 18, accept financial ruin and become a poorcel, live in misery cohabiting with a cold fish of a wife who I despise.
What would you do?
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Play the long game...
Tell your wife that you're struggling because it seems she is putting her political career in front of her family... And that you think you should go to therapy to deal with this because the marriage is so important, the kids, your dreams of a life together, etc. Make your 'dream' the dream she has when you guys got married... Guide her to the realization that she is choosing her 'politcal career' over her family. You both decided to start a family, then she decided to start her political career after all.
Go to therapy, learn the language and cowtools (I'm hearing you say..., This makes me feel like..., etc) or read someone like John Gottman. Once you find a therapist you like, then push for a marriage therapist. You're out here doing all this difficult work (in therapy) and she is being selfish; Let the therapist tell her that... It might help your marriage or it might get you a paper trail that will really help you in a divorce.
If she is cold/has other interests like trying to run a political campaign, there's a chance she is/will cheat on you. Don't be mad but don't be clueless either... Just document and always try to be the 'good guy'. Let her know that her actions are hurting her family... If she starts to get angry, throws a fit, etc., don't engage. Call your therapist. Create that paper trail that she needs help that she just isn't getting... Or maybe a 3rd person will help you two communicate and get you to a better place.
If it comes to it; No one is going to believe you in divorce court. But if you have a couple therapists talk about how much work you are doing, for so long; It will go a long way.
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Good job bobby, here's a star
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