My incel poem goes as this:
The clouds gently lay as blush on her face
Heavenly blessed, warmly dressed by sunrise
A thousand men rally to hold her in place
United they fight to push her to the skies
But heaven is jealous, and heavy clouds weep
Tears smear the veil that was laid by the dawn
Mountains so fair could have roots buried deep
Pride proves impotent when mens' strength is gone
So the sea ebbs with no signs of that peak
As twilight gives castles new roles to play
Lost, a queen seeks for her king of the meek
Will Christ return at the end of her day?
"The clouds you see once kissed my cheeks,"
Boasts the beautiful barren beach.
I don't really like the second stanza, and overall feel like it's missing "something". Namely, I don't think the foid in this poem has done anything wrong. I think I could make it better by just adding more, but then it would no longer be a sonnet. Any suggestions?
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Roses are red
Violets are blue
I like you as a friend!
No I won't have s*x with you
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roses are red
carps are wet
when i see you
i don't get wet
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Carpoline (Carpoline)
See Carpoline, all the girls would say he's modding fine (modding fine)
But modding fine only got you somewhere half the time,
And the other half either got you cussed out or goombling short,
Yeah now dig this now
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Friend and red don't rhyme
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sorry i have a speech impediment they do for me
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STOP editing your posts
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Does anyone have any suggestions for my incel poetry?
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Heavenly blessed, warmly dressed by sunrise,
The clouds gently lay as blush on her face.
A thousand men rallied to hold her in place,
And they fought to push her into the skies
But heaven was jealous and sent circling storms,
Tears smeared the veil that was laid out by the dawn.
And men saw that now her beauty was gone,
What was once comely and radiant, was now haggard and worn.
But in twilight the weary find new roles to play:
A dowager queen seeks her king 'mongst the broken,
And vows again to never break the oath she'd once spoken;
Alone at her window in the last light of day.
And the wind whispered through the reeds on the beach,
"The clouds you see once too kissed my cheeks."
Idk this is how I would write it.
It's got good imagery but it's inconsistent. The narrative is either too loose or not evocative enough. I changed the rhyme scheme just cos. I don't care for the alliteration
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hmm the second stanza on yours has some good suggestions. I think i get a bit attached to certain lines and won't let them go.
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You gotta learn to let go
They're just lines, they're free. Just make more of them
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Hello Dahncer_the_reindeer, or should I say r*pedeer? 8 letters, fitting huh. If this life were perfect you'd have known nothing but milk and cookies since you left your birthers c*nt. However, it's not- that's where I come in.
You have no say anymore, no freedom, no volition- I am Santa. You now worship my Christmas tree. You can call me Nicholas. A saint? No, but I come with more conviction.
Dahncer_the_reindeer you are my r*pe sleigh-ve now. And that's your greatest achievement- all you've ever amounted to, tugging and pulling my sleigh as we break the space time continuum together you complete fricking slut. I'll find you.
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