Should I Remove My Son From an Activity He Loves Because I’m Morally Opposed to It?

Yasss Xueen sign him up for Drag classes instead

Dear Care and Feeding,

My 7-year-old son is in Cub Scouts and loves it; me, not so much. It seems to go against everything I've been trying to teach my boys. There is a lot of God and patriotism. At every meeting they promise to be clean and reverent, to do their duty to God and be morally straight, which makes me cringe. We are atheists, which the program technically bans. Up until recently the Boy Scouts also had anti-gay policies. It seems like a no-brainer that this group isn't for us, but my son loves it. Our "den" gives the option of community service instead of going to church for the "Duty to God" badge. Other than the pledge in the beginning, we have really enjoyed the family friendly activities, projects, and group campouts. I've heard comments about masks and losing freedoms, I've seen a Let's Go Brandon flag in a leader's garage, but overall everyone has been friendly and welcoming and hasn't talked politics.

I've talked to my son about why I don't think we should continue, but he is 7 and just wants to build cars and go fishing. It doesn't help that his best friends' parents are the leaders of the program. With the recent Supreme Court rulings, I just can't stomach these meetings anymore. He is supposed to march in the Fourth of July parade and I have no desire to celebrate America right now. I've checked and cannot find any similar groups in our area. My husband says it would be wrong to make him quit because of my beliefs. But he is 7, isn't it my job to teach him my morals? I'm so torn on what to do!

--- A Mom Just Trying to Do the Right Thing

Dear Just Trying,

Since each Boy Scout troop takes its own approach to the rules and traditions of the national organization, I'm not going to try to explore or debate the positions of the national organization, because that's not the heart of your question. Your question is really whether your discomfort with the national organization is reason enough to pull your kid out of the local program, so the local is what I'm going to focus on.

It is your job to teach your son your morals, but at some point it's also your job to let him codify his own set of values, which may or may not line up with yours. Don't worry, I'm not suggesting that your 7-year-old is ready for that! But I think having an eye toward that future point is your best course of action here. It sounds like you can be reasonably certain that the den leaders, or at least one of them, have different political beliefs than you, but that at least so far those beliefs have not entered the Scout activities. Same goes for the religious elements inherent in the program---in fact your den made some accommodations for your family so that your son could fully participate. Although I understand your discomfort, I'm not sure now is the time to pull him out of the program. If these leaders continue to be respectful of political boundaries and your religious beliefs, then there seems very little danger, at least for now, that your son would pick up anything objectionable to you. And it sounds like both the activities themselves and the other boys in the group are motivational for your son.

I think this is one of those situations where you can let your son continue to be involved with the Scouts while also continuing to speak with him and read with him about the social and moral perspectives you want him to adopt as he grows. Keep an open dialogue and involve him in activism to the extent you are comfortable. In doing so, he may come to question the Boy Scouts' "shtick" all on his own and find another activity. Or, he may continue to be involved in Scouts, but also grow up to be a rabid liberal, in which case he has learned a really important skill: how to coexist, collaborate, and have meaningful relationships with people who have different views than oneself.

I don't mean to downplay your discomfort at the rhetoric of certain political factions and recent events regarding a person's rights---I share it. But I'm also not convinced that the lesson you want to teach your son, or these other parents, is that you feel the need to isolate yourself away from anyone who seems like they vote "R." So long as these leaders and parents create a respectful space for people of all beliefs, you can wait until your son is old enough to make a decision about his association with the group for himself.