This is my first pasta. Sorry for the grammar errors.

A few months ago, I was driving along the streets of Los Angeles with my friend, Zack, until we realize that we were running out of gas.

We were trying to park somewhere to give our car a rest, but no luck. Then something caught our eyes. It was a McDonald's building with Ronald McDonald at the top of it.

When we parked by the parking lot, we noticed that they was no customers inside. It was weird, considering that McDonald's is open 24/7. Also. there were no cars either. I could've swore that the Ronald McDonald statue turned its head against me.

I told Zack about it, but when he he saw it, it was in normal position. He told me I was going nuts, but the statue DID turn it's head. I then heard a faint laugh coming from the inside. We got terrified. I tried opening the door, but it was locked by a rusty Master combination lock. We didn't have time to figure out the combination, so Zack pulled out his gun and shot at it. it was finally unlocked.

So we opened the door to the inside. What we saw was so horrible. There were dead corpses all over the tables and chairs, and lots of blood in the soda machine. We puked in the trash can that was next to us, but before we did that, I saw mutilated arms and legs inside, which made us puke even more. How did McDonald's end up like this? We were so hungry, so we ran into the kitchen. There were fries and a few burgers, I thought we finally found food, until we saw more corpses.

This time, they had no eyeballs, juts blood coming from the sockets. Their stomachs have been ripped open with the organs ripped out. I tried ignoring them, but they still bother me. I didn't even have time to eat fries. We tried escaping through the main door, but it mysteriously locked by itself. We were now prisoners inside the building. We got scared just by staring at the corpses. Zack and I spitted up, trying to look for a exit. He went to a door that was covered in oil.

I didn't want to enter with him, because I felt that danger was lurking behind the door. That's when I saw a small bomb in one of the dining tables. I picked up, fused with my lighter, and placed in the door. After 10 seconds, it finally exploded. I was free to go wherever I want. I tried calling him to come back, but he still didn't answer. I filled up my car with my backup gas supply that I stored in the trunk. I waited for him to go back to my car with me, it was now 7:00 pm. That's when I saw a tall figure coming from the door with a chainsaw. I drove away as fast as I could. I managed to escaped to my house. Zack never came back at all...

Two days later, I received a newspaper with the most disturbing headline of all, it said:

"2 boys went to a abandoned McDonald's restaurant in the far side of Los Angeles. One manged to get away, with the other one nowhere in sight. Police are still trying to locate the man, but they never found proof. Then they mysteriously disappeared by entering a oil covered door."

What was behind that door? How did they all went missing? I hope someone would this mystery anytime soon...... And who is the strange figure?

Okay not all of these are real but the one 2/3rds through the video is

Fearsome Critters are cryptids that are unique to North American lumberjack folklore that date back to the 20th century. Much like how housewives would tell their children not to walk underneath a ladder least ye' be cursed with bad luck, tall tells of the critters were used to haze newcomers who had come to the frontier for work. An example being the Dungavenhooter that hunts for lumberjacks that drink on the job, "Rum-sodden prey is sought with especial eagerness." Having said that, the critters were more often than not described as comical looking.

Some of the critters are pretty well known, such as Bigfoot and the Jackalope, but most tales of the critters only survive by newspaper clippings and the books written about them, such as:

• Fearsome Creatures of the Lumberwoods by William T. Cox

• Fearsome Critters by Henry H. Tyron

Which is what we'll be taking a look at today. For further reading you can check out the America's Fearsome Creatures by Aoty, The Fearsome Critter Database by the Lumberwoods Unnatural History Musume., The Fearsome Critter page at the Cryptid Wiki and the Book Of Creatures Blog.

THE GUMBEROO

(Megalogaster repercussus.)

In the foggy region along the Pacific Coast from Grays Harbor to Humboldt Bay there ranges a kind of creature that has caused much annoyance in the lumber woods. This is the gumberoo, which, luckily, is so rare that only once in a great while is one seen. It is believed to remain in hiding most of the time in the base of enormous, burned-out cedar trees, from where it sallies forth occasionally on frightful marauding expeditions. During these periods of activity the beast is always hungry and devours anything it can find that looks like food. A whole horse may be eaten at one sitting, distending the gumberoo out of all proportions, but failing to appease its hunger or cause it the slightest discomfort.

The specimens seen are reported to have been coal black, but that may have been due to their being smirched with the charred wood. In size the beast corresponds closely to a black bear, for which it might be mistaken only for the fact that the gumberoo is almost hairless. To be sure, it has prominent eyebrows and some long, bristly hairs on its chin, but the body is smooth, tough, and shiny and bears not even a wrinkle. The animal is a tireless traveler when looking for food, but is not swift in its movements or annoyed in the slightest degree by the presence of enemies. The latter characteristic is easily accounted for by the fact that no other animal within its range has ever found a successful method of attacking a gumberoo or a vulnerable spot in one's anatomy. Whatever strikes the beast bounds off with the same force. Its elastic hide hurls back with equal ease the charging elk and the wrathy hornet. A rock or peavey thrown at the creature bounds back at whoever threw it, and a bullet shot against its hide is sure to strike the hunter between the eyes.

It is believed that the scarcity of gumberoos is due to their combustible character and the prevalence of forest fires. The animal burns like celluloid, with explosive force. Frequently during and after a forest fire in the heavy cedar near Coos Bay woodmen have insisted that they heard loud reports quite unlike the sound of falling trees, and detected the smell of burning rubber in the air.

THE SNOLIGOSTER

(Dorsohastatus caudirotula.)

In the cypress swamps of the South, and particularly in the region about Lake Okechobee, Florida, woodmen tell of a strange and dangerous animal known as the snoligoster. This creature is of enormous proportions and is credited with a voracious appetite. Worst of all, its appetite is only appeased by the eating of human beings. In form the snoligoster resembles a huge crocodile, but it is covered with long, glossy fur and has no legs or fins, except one long spike on its back. A person naturally wonders how such an animal can manage to travel through the water and mud of the swamp region where it lives, but nature has provided it with a means for driving itself along. On the end of its tail are three bony plates much resembling the propeller on a steamboat. These revolve at a terrific rate, driving the animal like a torpedo boat through mud. They serve other purposes as well, for when a snoligoster catches an unfortunate pickaninny, or even a fullgrown negro, upon which it delights to feed, it tosses the victim up and backward so as to impale him upon the spike fin, where several may be carried until sufficient for a meal have been collected. The snoligoster's tail is then driven into the mud and revolved until a hole is scooped out and the victims scraped off the spike and tossed in, whereupon the snoligoster beats them into batter with its rapidly revolving propeller and inhales them.

Mr. Inman F. Eldredge, of De Funiak Springs, Flordia, while hunting for an outlaw negro in the swamps, had a most unusual experience. He caught sight of the negro, dead and impaled upon what at first appeared to be a slender cypress knee, but which presently began to move away. It was then seen to be the spike on a snoligoster's back. Eldredge's first impulse was to shoot the strange beast, but upon second thought he concluded that it was doing a good work and was entitled to live on. The very report of such a creature inhabiting the swamps would deter evil-doers from venturing into these wild places to avoid their pursuers and escape justice.

THE LEPROCAUN

(Simiidiabolus hibernicus horribillis.)

During the early days of Upper Canada, before it became the Providence of Ontario, there were brought into a logging camp on the Madawaska River several young leprocauns from the north of Ireland. This animal was even then rare and has since become extinct in its native land. It is said that during the last famine hungry Irishmen killed and ate the few remaining specimens of this queer beast.

On its native bogs the leprocaun was a harmless creature, celebrated for its playfulness and laughable antics. It would hop across the bogs, turn somersaults, and leap over hillocks with wondrous agility. A favorite trick was to bore into a pile of drying peat and then, with a sudden spring, send the clods of peat high in the air till the commotion looked like a young cyclone. These antics were all right enough in Ireland, but when the animal was brought to Canada its disposition changed at once. The pets on the Madawaska escape into nearby tamarack swamps, increasing and spreading until an occasional one was seen on the upper Ottawa and even over in northern Michigan. Sneaking through the tamarack and cedar , or leaping across the muskegs after whatever appealed to it as food, the leprocaun became a creature to be feared and avoided. Teamsters toting supplies across swamp roads have been attacked by the animal, which would bound clear over the load, snapping its teeth at the driver and reaching for him with its villainous claws. Hasty flight to thick timber, leaving the team to its fate, was the only choice of the driver, who thanked his stars that in running through tangled tamarack even the leprocaun is no match for a frightened man.

THE SLIDE-ROCK BOLTER

(Macrostoma saxiperrumptus.)

In the mountains of Colorado, where in summer the woods are becoming infested with tourists, much uneasiness has been caused by the presence of the slide-rock bolter. This frightful animal lives only in the steepest mountain country where the slopes are greater than 45 degrees. It has an immense head, with small eyes, and a mouth somewhat on the order of a sculpin, running back beyond its ears. The tail consist of a divided flipper, with enormous grab-hooks, which it fastens over the crest of the mountain or ridge, often remaining there motionless for days at a time, watching the gulch for tourists or any other hapless creature that may enter it. At the right moment, after sighting a tourist, it will lift its tail, thus loosening its hold on the mountain, and with its small eyes riveted on the poor unfortunate, and drooling thin skid grease from the corners of its mouth, which greatly accelerates its speed, the bolter comes down like a toboggan, scooping in its victim as it goes, its own impetus carrying it up the next slope, where it again slaps its tail over the ridge and waits. Whole parties of tourists are reported to have been gulped at one scoop by taking parties far back into the hills. The animals is a menace not only to tourist but to the woods as well. Many a draw through spruce-covered slopes has been laid low, the trees being knocked out by the roots or mowed off as by a scythe where the bolter has crashed down through from the peaks above.

A forest ranger, whose district includes the rough county between Ophir Peaks and the Lizzard Head, conceived the bold idea of decoying a slide-rock bolter to its own destruction. A dummy tourist was rigged up with plaid Norfolk jacket, knee breeches, and a guide book to Colorado. It was then filled full of giant powder and fulminate caps and posted in a conspicuous place, where, sure enough, the next day it attracted the attention of a bolter which had been hanging for days on the slope of Lizzard Head. The resulting explosion flattened half the buildings in Rico, which were never rebuilt, and the surrounding hills fattened flocks of buzzards the rest of the summer.

This one's my favorite critter.

THE WHIRLING WHIMPUS

(Turbinoccissus nebuloides.)

Occasionally it happens that inexperienced hunters and others wandering in the woods disappear completely. Guides are unable to locate them, and all kinds of theories are offered to explain the disappearances.

From the hardwood forests of the Cumberland Mountains, Tennessee, comes the rumor of an animal called the whirling whimpus, the existence of which may throw some light upon the fate of those who fail to come back to camp. According to woodsmen who have been “looking” timber in eastern Tennessee, the whimpus is a blood-thirsty creature of no mean proportions. It has a gorilla-shaped head and body and enormous front feet. Its unique method of obtaining food is to station itself upon a trail, generally at a bend in the trail, where it stands on its diminutive hind legs and whirls. The speed is increased until the animal is invisible, and the motion produces a strange droning sound, seeming to come from trees overhead. Any creature coming along the trail and not recognizing the sound is almost certain to walk into the danger zone and become instantly deposited in the form of syrup or varnish upon the huge paws of the whimpus.

THE AGROPELTER

(Anthrocephalus craniofractens.)

Leading a vengeful existence, resenting the intrusion of the logger, the agropelter deals misery to the lumber jack from Maine to Oregon. Ill fares the man who attempts to pass a hollow tree in which one of these creatures has taken up its temporary abode. The unfortunate is usually found smashed or pinned by a dead branch and reported as having been killed by a falling limb. So unerring is the aim of the argropelter that despite diligent search I have been unable to locate more than one man who has been the target for one of their missiles and yet survived to describe the beast. This is Big Ole Kittleson, who, upon a certain occasion, when cruising timber on the upper St. Croix, was knocked down by a partly rotten limb thrown by an argropelter. This limb was so punky that it shattered on Ole's head, and he had time to observe the rascally beast before it bounded from the tree and whisked itself off through the woods.

According to Ole, the animal has a slender, wiry body, the villainous face of an ape, and arms like muscular whiplashes, with which it can snap off dead branches and hurl them through the air like shells from a six-inch gun. It is supposed to feed upon hoot owls and woodpeckers, the scarcity of which will always prevent the argropelter from becoming numerous in any locality

THE SPLINTER CAT

(Felynx arbordiffisus.)

A widely distributed and frightfully destructive animal is the splinter cat. It is found from the Great Lakes to the Gulf, and eastward to the Atlantic Ocean, but in the Rocky Mountains has been reported from only a few localities. Apparently the splinter cat inhabits that part of the country in which wild bees and raccoons abound. These are its natural food, and the animal puts in every dark and stormy night shattering trees in search of coons or honey. It doesn't use any judgement in selecting coon trees or bee trees, but just smashes one tree after another until a hollow one containing food is found. The method used by this animal in its destructive work is simple but effective. It climbs one tree, and from the uppermost branches bounds down and across toward the tree it wishes to destroy. Striking squarely with its hard face, the splinter cat passes right on, leaving the tree broken and shattered as though struck by lightning or snapped off by the wind. Appalling destruction has been wrought by this animal in the Gulf States, where its work in the shape of a wrecked forest is often ascribed to windstorms.

THE CENTRAL AMERICAN WHINTOSSER

(Cephalovertens semperambulatus.)

In the spring of 1906 there appeared suddenly in the Coast Ranges of California an uncanny animal from the region of the Isthmus. It is not a large beast, but what it lacks in size it makes up in meanness of disposition. None of the lumber jacks who have met a whintosser on trail or tote road care to have the experience repeated. The Central American whintosser is always looking for trouble or making it. In fact the beast seems to be constructed for the purpose of passing through unusual experiences. Its head is fastened to its body by a swivel neck ; so is its short, tampering tail ; and both can be spun around at the rate of a hundred revolutions a minute. The body is long and triangular, with three complete sets of legs ; this is a great convenience in an earthquake country, since the animal is not disturbed by any convulsions of the earth. If the floor suddenly becomes the ceiling it does not matter, for the whintosser is always there with the legs. Its hair is bristly, and all slants forward at a sharp angle. It has been found that a cat's nine lives are as nothing to the one possessed by a whintosser. This animal may be shot, clubbed, or strung on a pike pole without stopping the wriggling, whirling motions or the screams of rage. The only successful way of killing the beast is to poke it into a flume pipe so that all its feet strike the surface, when it Immediately starts to walk in three different directions at once and tears itself apart. John Gray, of Anadar, Trinity County, California, knows where a pair of whintossers live in some broken-up country along Mad River.

THE TRIPODERO

(Collapsofemuris geocatapeltes.)

The chaparral and foothill forests of California contain many queer freaks of one kind and another. One of the strangest and least known is the tripodero, and animal with two contractile or telescopic legs and a tail like a kangaroo's. This peculiarity in structure enables the animal to elevate itself at will, so that it may tower above the chaparral, or, if it chooses, to pull in its legs and present a compact form for crowding through the brush. The tripodero's body is not large but is solidly built, and its head is nearly all snout, the value of which is seen in the method by which food is obtain. As the animal travels through the brush-covered country it elongates its legs from time to time, thus shoving itself up above the brush for purposes of observation. If it sights game within a range of ten rods it takes aim with its snout and tilts itself until the right elevation is obtained, then with astonishing force blows a sundried quid of clay, knocking its victim senseless. (A supply of these quids is always carried in the left jaw.) The tripodero then contracts its legs and bores its way through the brush to its victim, where it stays until the last bone is cracked and eaten.

THE COME-AT-A-BODY

(Quadrupes inprovisus)

Reported by Mr. B.B. Bickford of Gorham, N.H. Not found outside the White Mountains. A short, stubby, rather small animal resembling a Woodchuck but having very soft, velvety, kitten-like, fur. Harmless, but surprising. Has the terrifying habit of suddenly rushing directly at you from the brush, then stopping only a few inches away and spitting like a cat. A strong mink-like scent is thrown and the Come-at-a-Body rushes away.

THE DUNGAVENHOOTER*

(Crocodilus hauriens)

Formerly quite common from Maine to Michigan. Today only occasionally met with on the Upper Peninsula of the latter state.

A marsh-dweller, dangerous to human beings. Shaped a good deal like an alligator, but curious as to equipment in that he has no mouth. The nostrils are abnormally large, the legs short and the tail thick and powerful. The only cry is a loud snort.

Concealing itself with Satanic cunning behind a whiffle bush, the Dungavenhooter awaits the passing logger. On coming within reach of the dreadful tail, the victim is knocked senseless and then pounded steadily until he becomes entirely gaseous, whereat he is greedily inhaled through the wide nostrils.

Rum-sodden prey is sought with especial eagerness.

*Not to be confused with the New Brunswicker ghost legend, the “Dungarvon Whooper.

THE HIDEBEHIND

(Ursus dissimulans)

A highly dangerous animal, but, owing to its intense aversion to the odor of alcohol, never known to attack an inebriate. One bottle of Uno beer has been proven to be a complete safeguard even in thickly infested country.

A biggish beast, standing about six feet and walking erect. The slender body makes it possible to hide completely behind the bole of a ten inch tree. The pelt is long thick, and black, and the tail is carried recurved. Looks like a French sheepdog's. Almost impossible to tell whether the critter is going or coming, and practically hopeless to locate its face—if any. The short, well-muscled forelegs are equipped with grizzly-like claws.

Its food is chiefly intestines. Leaping from its hiding-place with a demoniacal laugh, it swiftly disembowels its victim with one swipe. Sometimes the fiendish howl frightens the prey to death before the blow falls.

The Hidebehind is never found in the open. He always conceals himself behind a tree trunk. His marvelously quick, stealthy gait makes it possible for him to stay constantly behind his prey, no matter how quickly the suspicious victim may spin about in the hope of glimpsing the marauder. The beast can go seven years without eating.

I like that with the Dungavenhooter we learn to not drink on the job, but with the HIdebehind we need to be wasted to safely travel the wooded trail.

THE HODAG

(Deformis corniger lacrimans)

Reported in Maine many years past, and in 1895 captured and positively identified near Rhinelander, Wisconsin, by Mr. E. S. Shepard, the Hodag is indubitably one of the best-known of the larger and more dangerous woods varmints. It is now very rare, probably owing to the increased use of lemons in cookery, for Hodags and citrus fruits are in the same ratio as wolves and wolfbane—probably more so.

A distressingly ugly animal. The knobbledy head wears a pair of prominent, bulging eyes and two heavy lateral horns something after the fashion of a male stag-beetle. The claws are stout and powerful, the tail carries a terminal hook, while a row of jagged, stegosaurian dorsal spines complete the picture. The smaller front teeth were formerly often used for umbrella handles.

The Hodag is fully aware of his upsetting appearance, and is given to frequent fits of bitter weeping. I once had a handful of the extremely rare crystallized Hodag tears, but an acquisitive lady friend collected them, believing them to be fine amber. She had them strung into a neck-yoke—and then went and spilled a Tom Collins on herself. Of course the lemon juice dissolved them instantly.

This fellow can't endure being laughed at. When angry, he is fierce and dangerously aggressive. But a pair of lemons is ample protection against a whole herd.

>This fellow can't endure being laughed at. When angry, he is fierce and dangerously aggressive.

Reminds you of someone, don't it?

THE HOOP SNAKE

(Serpenscirculousus caudavenenifer)

A well-known menace. Its existence is thoroughly established by numerous reports from highly creditable parties. The characteristics appear to be about the same in all regions. Its habit of tucking its tail in its mouth and rolling at incredible speed in pursuit of its prey, or a fancied enemy, is not duplicated fortunately, by any other member of the animal kingdom.

The tail ends in a stinger carrying venom of such power that a dose of but 0.003 p.p.m.* is sufficient to make even the leather-skinned Hodag turn green and swell up and die inside of an hour. No wonder that folks wise in woods lore are wary of this circular engine of destruction. He may travel on just one cylinder but that's all he needs.

The speed reached in rolling is nothing short of remarkable. A full grown jack-rabbit is pie for this Snake. A mature Snake, when hooped, has a diameter of 1.5923 feet. He has been clocked, after being enticed on to a cleverly designed rolling metered platform at an r.p.m. of about 1056, or a straightaway speed of some 60 m.p.h. The only way to outrun him is to climb over a fence. The Snake must unhoop to get through.

There are many authentic cases of death from this reptile's venom; possibly the most convincing bit of data is that, in a fit of pique, a Hoop Snake stung one of Paul Bunyan's peavy handles. Of course this handle was a sizeable stick to start with, but the venom swelled it to such dimensions that Paul cut it up into 946 cords of wood. And then the dang stuff wouldn't burn. Just lay in the stove and hissed.

*: Parts per million.

THE LUFERLANG

(Spinacaerulea tresarticulosus)

A dangerous fellow to meet up with. Very likely to attack without any provocation. Bites but once a year, but the bite is sure death.

Certain unique features make it easy, however, to identify the animal. A dark blue stripe down the spine, a bushy, swivel-jointed tail set in the middle of the back (this appendage is most useful in keeping off the flies) and all four legs triple-jointed are what the traveler should look for. These legs make it possible for the Luferlang to run equally fast in all directions. In case of an attack, the victim should suddenly hold a large mirror up beside himself. The double image will so confuse the beast that he will rush off in disgust.

The biting season usually occurs on July 12. An orange-colored handkerchief conspicuously displayed will invariably afford full protection. Green clothing of any shade should be studiously avoided at this season, as it serves to arouse the animal further.

Wait a minute...

THE TREE-SQUEAK

(Arborexusta stridens)

Some folks will claim that the mating call of the Treesqueak is just a dry tree lodged in a “school marm.“ But we old boys know better. The sound is made by an untrustworthy animal still quite common in the North Woods. Built something like a weasel, and with the same nice, friendly disposition he is chameleon-like, and can wrap himself around a tree-trunk and match the bark exactly.

He is sometimes aggressive, but only after a long, dry spell. Has a variety of calls; a whine like a panther, a squeal like a young pig, and sometimes a roar like a bunch of cannon crackers at a shotgun wedding. Look out for him on windy days along towards sundown.

THE WHIFFENPOOF

(Sometimes called the Gilli-Galoo Fish)

(Piscisabsurdus tumescens)

A tasty fish, found only in perfectly round lakes. Hence quite rare. To catch him, row to the exact center of the lake, using the hogyoke to determine position, and bore a square hole in the water. Bait the edge of this hole with a bit of cheese, preferably Brie, Stilton, Liederkranz, or best of all; Limburger. The Whiffenpoof will quickly scent the bait and come for it. When he emerges, spit tobacco-juice in his eye. This will make him so swell with rage that he won't be able to withdraw into the hole, and you can easily net him.

THE SNIPE

(Scolopax inexplicabilis)

A common bird, occasionally seen, but never yet caught. Legions of sharp-eyed young foresters, engineers, cruisers, cookees, rodmen and hard-rock apprentices have made repeated, careful, and valiant attempts to corral one, but notwithstanding the bushels of careful advice and instruction handed out by the older hands in the party, success has not yet been attained. Seldom does the seasoned woodsman make the attempt; he is probably too discouraged to try again. > But he is often willing to travel along with the hunting party just to see what happens, or perhaps to offer an occasional word of advice.

Many years ago I was taken on a snipe hunt and was able to get a good look at one bird which strayed near the bag I was so carefully holding. I couldn't get my hands on the little fellow, but I did have time to study him a bit, and I find that my observations tally very closely with a detailed report received from Mr. > Howard S. Gardner. Here's the summary.

A bird of marvelous coloration: green, blues, pinks, and here and there the glint of gold. Wears both fur and feathers, with the fur side inside, like Mudjekeewis.* Stands erect, about 17 cm high on two legs, but has a third auxiliary slightly aft, for use either as a stabilizer or as a starting mechanism. Lacking this additional leg, permanent unstable equilibrium would result. The eyes are fired with a constant, sulphurous glow, occasionally emitting small showers of sparks. One pupil is vertical, one horizontal, and winking is done alternately, keeping the Snipe constantly alert. His sharply hooked little beak is mounted on a bull-wheel base like a steam shovel, making possible the capture of insects without turning the head.

All in all, a most interesting and elusive animal. The fur-and-feathers combination makes the ideal protective coat for the natural marshy habitat. When the Snipe is swimming, the ridged feathers fold back, forming a perfectly smooth outer surface which reduces skin friction to a minimum. With the fur inside, the Snipe possesses a waterproof, fur-lined overcoat.

*: Figure of Ojibwe legends.

THE DUCK-FOOTED DUM-DUM

(Ventertympanum coxi)

“Not much fish in the lake this summer,” said the old guide sadly, as he rowed with his party across the sun-flecked water where the glistening fish were supposed to be waiting hungrilly for some one to offer them bait.

“What's the matter?” asked the “chap from the city,” on his first trip into the Big Woods.

“Those know-it-all game wardens scared the duck-footed dum-dum away, that's what. Ever see a dum-dum? Funny animal. Comes around every spring. He has two tails like bass-drum sticks and swings them like lightning, beating on the tight drum-like skin on his back.”

“Well, when the fish hear this they all flock near the shore in shallow water and lay their eggs. They wouldn't know it was spawning season if they didn't hear the dum-dum. Then after they lay their eggs they go away and the dum-dum keeps watch until all the little fish are hatched out.”

“So you see when those pesky game wardens come spying around and scare off the dum-dum, we don't get any fish.” And the guide pulled glumly at his little black pipe.

This lil' guy is actually from the Yarns of the Big Woods book but I just had to include him.

Well folks that's it for now, but again I stress that this was just some of the critters. If you want to read more about these weird monsters than be sure to check out the links provided above.

At least someone is being brave and doing some investigating!!!

Is it a scam for money? Are they putting in tracking devices?

My guess is, it's just for fun. I trust dentists less than aliens.

Jim Can't Swim? More like Jim Can Goon!

This guy is the narrator of the JCS channel, looks like a complete peepeepig gooner

That's all

To preface this I was dead scrolling through Reddit as our species tends to do on weekends— and I noticed this post with like 20k upmarseys of this strange little guy. My first instinct was wow look at this weird potato but then I looked at the subreddit and saw that it was an alien subreddit. Thinking this must be some sort of joke I immediately slammed on that open comments button.

What I found was truly baffling. Everyone believed it! It took me a solid 5 minutes to scroll through to the bottom to find any type of criticism of the picture in question. And that's when the slap fights commenced the further down you go.

If you want a good laugh just honestly sort by best but since this is SRD here's some spots that I noticed and there's a lot more that I didn't have the time to link.

Here

Here

Here

https://old.reddit.com/r/SubredditDrama/comments/1ai2ue1/ralienbodies_has_found_their_alien_and_if_you

TLDR: (I THINK) it's Cordyceps, probably a member of Ophiocordyceps.

Edit for details/clarity: OP, allthedimmerswitches, posted a garden photo to /r/MushroomID, an educational Reddit page.

Link to Reddit comment prompting cross post.

Mushroom ID has locked the post and it is around 1,000 comments.

The mushroom ID sub, /r/mushroomID frequently has fun with this issue of Cordyceps, and has taken to quickly denote the described post here as an alien body.

Users recommended OP to post in the /r/AlienBodies subreddit, which also received the image in good humor.

Estimated X-files streaming bump across Hulu/Amazon Prime, +2,000 (±250).

Imagur link for visualization.

ETA: dude, what did speech to text do to my title?

https://old.reddit.com/r/SubredditDrama/comments/1ahwba1/fungi_called_alien_body_called_an_alien_body

Spooky perverts who like to watch from a distance

The Iranian regime is pretty crazy about hunting down and killing defectors, even inside the USA.

Biker gangs kind of make sense because they can do extreme violence sometimes. But they're very badly infiltrated by law enforcement.

It seems pretty unprofessional. Maybe in Iran they've got one intelligence agency that's competent and one that's worthless amateurs?

Ghosts, Aliens, Bigfoot, Dinosaurs, Crop Circles, Men In Black, UFOs, The Predator, Orbs, and by god even Skinwalkers and much, much more has been reportedly seen at the Skinwalker Ranch in the quite little town of Ballard, Utah.

Reports of UFO sightings began in the 1970s in the Uinta Basin of the Colorado Plateaus province. The Sherman family bought the ranch in 1994 It wouldn't be until 1996 that the first sightings of UFO activity at the Sherman ranch would be reported by the Deseret News.

You can read the full article here.

For more than a year now the Shermans' 480-acre ranch just south of Fort Duchesne in Uintah County has been a hotbed for UFOs and bizarre paranormal activity - weirdness that even the Shermans, who've witnessed the strange happenings with their own eyes and video camera, have trouble accepting as reality.

"For a long time we wondered what we were seeing, if it was something to do with a top-secret project," said Terry Sherman, who reluctantly agreed to speak pub-licly about the activity for the first time. "I don't know really what to think about it."

The Shermans, their teenage son and 10-year-old daughter have seen three specific types of UFOs repeatedly during the past 15 months - a small boxlike craft with a white light, a 40-foot-long object and a huge ship the size of several football fields. They've seen one craft emit a wavy red ray or light beam as it flies along. They've seen other airborne lights, some of which have emerged from orange, circular doorways that seem to appear in midair. They've videotaped two of the sightings.

Mystery circles

They once discovered three circles of flattened grass, each about 8 feet across, in a triangular pattern about 30 feet from each other. In a nearby pasture, other strange soil impressions have been found - circles about 3 feet wide and a foot or two deep with the dirt in the center perfectly flattened.

One of the flying lights followed Gwen's car on her way home from work one night. And while out in one of the fields with the family dogs, Terry heard male voices speaking an unfamiliar language. The voices seemed to be about 25 feet above him, but Terry couldn't see a thing. The dogs were frantic. They barked and growled before running off to the ranch house, Terry said.

The Shermans have linked the sightings with the death or disappearance of seven of their cows. Four have disappeared without a trace. Three others have been found dead and partially mutilated.

"We've seen (the UFOs) enough and we know pretty much what the craft look like, and I think it's definitely associated with the cattle mutilations - when we see the crafts and then the cattle, we have problems," Sherman said.

"You talk to a lot of people around here that at one time or another have seen something they can't explain. There's been a lot of cattle mutilations, and a lot of them weren't reported. Several (ranchers) told me that when they had a (mutilation), they called the authorities and the authorities couldn't do anything, so it was just a waste of time and effort."

Indeed, the records clerk for the Uintah County Sheriff's Department said her department has not received reports of UFOs or cattle mutilations in recent memory. Sheriff Ralph Stansfield in nearby Duchesne County said he is unaware of any UFOs or mutilations being reported in the past 18 months.

Hunt For The Skinwalker

I should also note at this point that the The Sherman's ranch itself is located in Uintah and Ouray Indian Reservation. The ranch would later be dubbed the "UFO Ranch" by all the strange ayy shenanigans going on.

The ranch would be investigated by television journ*list George Knapp who would later co-write the book Hunt for the Skinwalker: Science Confronts the Unexplained at a Remote Ranch in Utah along with Colm A. Kelleher.

In 1996 the ranch would be sold to the National Institute for Discovery Science [NIDS], funded and owned by millionaire Robert Bigelow. Bigelow had read the articles by Knapp about the ranch and wanted to investigate it himself. Also apparently the ranch was owned by the Gorman family, but I'm getting some conflicting reports. Either the Gorman family owned the ranch after buying it from the Sherman family, or Bigelow had the family move to the ranch after he bought it, I'm not sure

For fun, let's read some of the strange events from the book. You can read the full book here for free.

If you don't like reading then Bedtime Stories has some great videos about the ranch.

Chapter 3 The Basin

The legacy of the Buffalo Soldiers is well documented in history books. In the bloody campaigns of the Indian Wars in the late 1800s, approximately 20 percent of U.S. Cavalry troopers were African Americans. Native tribes dubbed them Buffalo Soldiers, in part because of a perceived resemblance between these dark-skinned, curly-haired warriors and the revered buffalo, and in part because of their prowess in battle and in the saddle. At least eighteen Congressional Medals of Honor were awarded to Buffalo Soldiers as a result of their actions in at least 177 armed engagements during the Indian Wars in the West.

What isn't widely known about the Buffalo Soldiers stationed at Fort Duchesne is that many, if not most, of them were Freemasons. This may not seem consistent with our current perception of Masons or Freemasons as mostly white, mostly upper-class captains of industry and politics, but it happens to be true.

Of course the Freemasons would get brought up.

Chapter 4 The Weirdness

The Gormans tried to ignore the wolf incident. It had been too surreal. One of their new neighbors remarked casually to them a few days later that their land was home to a herd of large wolves. They were relieved to hear that their family was not party to some collective delusion. Other people had seen the wolves too.

A few weeks later, Ellen was driving in her gray Chevette back to their homestead. She was coming home from her new job with the local mortgage company. She had opened the gate to the property and closed it behind her. As she sat in the car, she noticed a movement to her left in her peripheral vision. She gasped. The wolf was huge, and it had silently approached within thirty feet of her. Now it stood outside her window. As she stared into the friendly light-blue eyes of the huge animal, she felt a knot of fear tighten. The animal's head stood over the roof of her car. This was no ordinary wolf—it resembled the bulletproof animal they had encountered only a few weeks previously.

Easily visible in the gathering twilight was another animal, all black. It stood farther away from the car and appeared more reserved. It was large, but not quite as big as the wolf. It looked like a very weird dog but unlike any she had ever seen. Perhaps it was an exotic breed created by centuries of mating on the nearby Ute Indian reservation? Maybe one of her Ute neighbors owned this wolf? The dog's head was much too large for its body, but the body was still big. Now thoroughly alarmed,

Ellen slammed the gas pedal with her foot and drove quickly along the last half mile to the homestead. She made a mental note to complain to the local tribal office in Fort Duchesne the following day. No matter how placid and tame these huge wolves appeared to be, they were still wild animals. She was determined that they would not be allowed to roam freely on the property, especially since the family was preparing to move their extremely expensive herd of registered animals onto the grass fields within a few more weeks. Winter was approaching.

Ellen was really puzzled the next day when her polite requests to rein in the wolves were met with blank stares and uncomprehending silence at the tribal office. Nobody owned any wolves around here, she was told. In fact, wolves had not been seen in this part of Utah for seventy years; the last wolf in Utah had been shot in 1929. (These events happened a lull year before a herd of gray wolves was transplanted into Yellowstone Park and into Central Idaho in 1995, and in December 2002 one of those wolves would be caught in a trap near Ogden, Utah. In 2004, a couple of wolves were spotted around Vernal.) The soft-spoken tribal official eventually told Ellen that she must be mistaken. Perhaps she had seen a coyote?

Ellen was furious. She left the tribal office convinced that somebody was not telling the truth. She remembered that the huge animal had to bend down to breathe on her car window. It was about four times the size of any wolf she had ever heard about. And the disquieting incident of the bulletproof wolf came back to haunt the family. They saw the huge animals in the distance a couple more times in the next few weeks. Then they seemed to disappear from the face of the Earth. The family became so busy with ranch chores that Ellen quickly forgot about the huge animals; out of sight was definitely out of mind

Art by Chad Lewis.

Chapter 5 The Curse

One story told on the Navajo reservation in Arizona concerns a woman who delivered newspapers in the early morning hours. She claims that, during her rounds, she heard a scratching on the passenger door of her vehicle. Her baby was in the car seat next to her. The door flung open, and she saw the horrifying form of a creature she described as half man, half beast, with glowing red eyes and a gnarly arm that was reaching for her child. She fought it off, managed to pull the door closed, then pounded the gas pedal and sped off. To her horror, she says, the creature ran along with the car and continued to try to open the door. It stayed with her until she screeched up to an all-night convenience store. She ran inside, screaming and hysterical, but when the store employee dashed outside, the being had vanished. Outsiders may view the story skeptically, and any number of alternative explanations might be suggested, but it is taken seriously on the Navajo reservation.

Although skinwalkers are generally believed to prey only on Native Americans, there are recent reports from Anglos claiming they encountered skinwalkers while driving on or near tribal lands. One New Mexico Highway Patrol officer told us that while patrolling a stretch of highway south of Gallup, New Mexico, he had had two separate encounters with a ghastly creature that seemingly attached itself to the door of his vehicle. During the first encounter, the veteran law enforcement officer said the unearthly being appeared to be wearing a ghostly mask as it kept pace with his patrol car. To his horror, he realized that the ghoulish specter wasn't attached to his door after all. Instead, he said, it was running alongside his vehicle as he cruised down the highway at a high rate of speed.

The officer said he had a nearly identical experience in the same area a few days later. He was shaken to his core by these encounters but didn't realize that he would soon get some confirmation that what he had seen was real. While having coffee with a fellow highway patrolman not long after the second incident, the cop cautiously described his twin experiences. To his amazement, the second officer admitted having his own encounter with a white-masked ghoul, a being that appeared out of nowhere and then somehow kept pace with his cruiser as he sped across the desert. The first officer told us that he still patrols the same stretch of highway and that he is petrified every time he enters the area.

One Caucasian family still speaks in hushed tones about its encounter with a skinwalker, even though it happened in 1983. While driving at night along Route 163 through the massive Navajo reservation, the four members of the family felt that someone was following them. As their truck slowed to round a sharp bend, the atmosphere changed, and time itself seemed to slow down. Then something leaped out of a roadside ditch at the vehicle.

“It was black and hairy and was eye level with the cab,” one of the witnesses recalled. “Whatever this thing was, it wore a man's clothes. It had on a white and blue checked shirt and long pants. Its arms were raised over its head, almost touching the top of the cab. It looked like a hairy man or a hairy animal in man's clothing, but it didn't look like an ape or anything like that. Its eyes were yellow and its mouth was open.”

The father, described as a fearless man who served two tours in Vietnam, turned completely white, the blood drained from his face. The hair on his neck and arms stood straight up, like a cat under duress, and noticeable goose bumps erupted from his skin. Although time seemed frozen during this bizarre interlude, the truck continued on its way, and the family was soon miles down the highway.

A few days later, at their home in Flagstaff, the family awoke to the sounds of loud drumming. As they peered out their windows, they saw the dark forms of three “men” outside their fence. The shadowy beings tried to climb the fence to enter the yard but seemed inexplicably unable to cross onto the property. Frustrated by their failed entry, the men began to chant in the darkness as the terrified family huddled inside the house.

>Frustrated by their failed entry, the men began to chant in the darkness as the terrified family huddled inside the house.

>OOGA BOOGA OOGA BOOGA OOGA BOOGA

Chapter 6 High Strangeness

At the end of one fruitless night, the hard-packed snow crunched underfoot as he walked slowly back from the western part of the ranch. It was probably thirty below and Tom wanted to call it a night. He was freezing cold. As he trudged home, to his north lay the snow-covered slope of the bluff, and the postblizzard freshness bathed everything in an eerie pale light. A slight movement out of the corner of his eye caught Tom's attention. He turned toward the ridge and his jaw slackened. Starkly outlined against the snow-covered ridge was an aircraft that seemed to have just appeared out of nowhere. It was about thirty or forty feet long, and it reminded Gorman of a snub-nosed, smaller hybrid version of the F-117 and the B-2. But it was completely silent. There was no wind, and the stillness was uncanny.

The aircraft was no more than twenty feet off the ground and, as it moved slightly toward him, a recurring pattern of tiny multicolored lights danced their way across the snow. The lights were obviously coming from the aircraft, but Tom couldn't make out how they were being projected onto the snow. The total silence and barely perceptible movement of the object convinced Tom that there was no way he would have seen it if it hadn't been so plainly silhouetted against the white snow. Its jet-black color and the noiseless slow motion combined to give him the impression that it was defying gravity.

Chapter 7 Chupas

When Betty eventually brought the car to a standstill, the object was only sixty yards away. It looked as if it was made of dull aluminum and glowed so brightly that it lit up the surrounding trees. The four points of the diamond were blunt rather than sharp, and blue spots or lights ringed its center. Had it not come to rest over the road, the cone of fire from its lowest point would have set the forest on fire. The object also emitted an intermittent bleeping sound. The two women got the impression that maybe the giant object was having some kind of engine trouble.

The three of them got out of the car to take a better look at the object. Vickie stood by the open door on the right-hand side of the car with her left hand resting on the car roof. Vickie is a Christian who does not believe in UFOs or extraterrestrial life, and when she saw the bright object she thought the end of the world had come. Because she expected to see Jesus come out of the light, she stared at it intently. Colby begged his grandmother to get back in the car. After about three minutes she did so and told him not to be afraid because “when that big man comes out of the burning cloud, it will be Jesus.”

As Vickie held Colby, she screamed at Betty to get back in the car with them. But Betty was so fascinated by the object that she walked around to the front of the car and stood there gazing at it, bathed in the bright light, the heat from it burning her skin. Eventually, as the thing began to move up and away, she moved back to the car door. When she went to open the door, she found the handle so painfully hot that she had to use her leather jacket to protect her hands and get back in the car.

>Hmmm, strange metal flying object in the sky that's shooting burning lights? Must be Jesus.

Chapter 9 The Window

Another night, Tom was again sitting near his favorite tree stump, once again puzzling at the orange structure that hovered in the same area over an abandoned homestead about a mile to the west. He was training his night-vision scope on the middle of the orange mass. This time he couldn't see any sky, but the middle seemed like it had multiple layers, like a three-dimensional onion that moved away from him. And then Tom's sharp eyes picked out a fast-moving black object that was silhouetted perfectly against the bright orange background. The black object seemed to grow bigger, and Tom could tell that it was moving very rapidly in his direction at the center of the orange “window.” Within seconds, the vaguely triangular object had gained considerably in size and it appeared bigger as it flew directly toward him out of the “hole” in the sky. The object was moving at such a speed and so quietly that he could make out only the black shape. The object then quickly vanished into the night.

Tom had seen something few humans have reported. He had seen a flying object, black and possibly triangular shaped, flying from a great distance from the “other side” of the orange structure to his property. This incident convinced Tom that his ranch was the site of some kind of dimensional doorway through which a flying object entered and maybe even exited this reality. On another occasion, Gorman saw another object exiting at high speed through the orange rent in the sky. Each time, the flying aircraft moved much too quickly for him to get a good idea of its size or exact shape.

Chapter 11 Orbs

As Tom watched this amazing spectacle, the hair on the back of his neck rose. He could feel a wave of deep, naked fear washing over him. He felt paralyzed with the deepest, most visceral fear he had ever known. It was overwhelming. Wild animals had trapped Tom, he had been close to death, but he had never felt anything like the intensity of the terror he felt now. He knew Ellen was feeling the same because she had begun to hyperventilate. She gasped deeply and her body had begun to shake. Tom felt like he was going to have a seizure.

Suddenly Ellen, who was whimpering with terror, turned on her flashlight. The effect was instantaneous. The blue orb darted abruptly into the branches of the nearby tree as if trying to avoid the flashlight's beam It maneuvered effortlessly through the branches at high speed. It was obvious to them that the orb was under intelligent control. Then as abruptly as the object had darted into the trees, it suddenly shot out of sight behind their homestead.

Ellen sank to her knees, weeping. Tom also felt weak. His legs could barely hold him. But the overwhelming, paralyzing terror he had felt had vanished. It was like a switch had been abruptly thrown. The aftereffects of that bolt of adrenaline were obvious. Perspiration poured from his body, and his legs and arms began shaking violently. He too sank to his knees and put his arms around his violently trembling wife. She continued weeping. He felt helpless to comfort her and could not manage a reassuring word. As his shaking subsided, he felt only numbness inside. He also felt relief. And puzzlement. How could that orb have provoked such abject terror in both of them?

Chapter 16 The Bulls

Fifty yards away, one of the cows wandered casually toward a bright blue salt lick that lay between two straight lines of poplar trees that jutted a hundred feet into the air. Tom watched as the animal suddenly stopped dead in its tracks and, head lowered, began to back away from the salt. Tom gently nudged Ellen and pointed. Ellen jumped nervously and turned her head toward the animal. She, too, watched as the cow, transfixed with fear, was literally backing away from something invisible as fast as its legs could move. Tom reached through the window of his truck and grabbed his compass. He had learned a long time ago that strange events caused the compasses to act strangely. The frightened cow had now backed thirty yards away and suddenly turned tail and stampeded toward the eastern end of the pasture.

Tom then watched as the herd of cows suddenly split in two in Red Sea fashion, as if something invisible was now in the middle of the herd of cattle. Dozens of animals ran west, while the remainder stampeded east. Tom glanced briefly at his compass and saw that the needle was pointed to the invisible something in their midst. Whatever was dispersing the cows was invisible even in the noon sun, yet it was exuding a powerful magnetic field that was detectable on Tom's compass. Tom and Ellen could follow the mysterious, invisible object as it made its way through the herd of animals, as the panicky animals were constantly stampeding away from it. Whatever it was, it was heading south, as did the needle of Tom's compass.

Chapter 17 Encounters

“It's still moving,” he was muttering. Then, all of a sudden, “It's got me,” he yelled. “It's saying, ‘We are watching you.' ” Then there was silence. I kept taking increasingly longer exposures to try to catch whatever he was talking about. I could not see what was causing him such intense anxiety. My colleague's frantic actions and tone of voice increased my adrenaline. I knew that if something out there in the dead of night wanted to harm us, we were sitting ducks. Then he said, “It's getting smaller.” Then, “It's gone.” Over and over, he kept muttering, “Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ.”

I asked him what had happened. He was still shaken. “Something big was in the trees just in front of us, it blotted out all the stars through the binoculars,” he declared. “It took control of my mind. It told me it was watching us.” He sounded very confused and bewildered. I had worked closely with him on numerous occasions and knew he was not prone to sudden flights of imagination. His distinguished academic career had not prepared him for anything like this.

Chapter 19 The Tunnel

As Mike brought the binoculars to his eyes, Jim heard the sharp sucking in of breath. Jim could see that the light was now more than a foot wide and was still growing larger. This very obviously was not a reflection. The dirty yellow expanding light seemed to be positioned just above the ground, rather than directly on the ground, but Jim could not be sure. “It's a tunnel, not just a light,” Mike whispered. Jim ignored his partner's growing agitation as he increased the length of the time exposures to forty, then fifty seconds. Mike was now standing up. “Jesus Christ,” Mike said hoarsely. “Something's in the tunnel!”

Jim looked carefully at the light below. It had now expanded to more than two feet. Something that big should definitely register on his film. “Oh, my God,” Mike said suddenly, thoroughly frightened. “There is a black creature climbing out. I see his head.” Jim felt alarm. His companion was plainly bordering on panic.

“It has no face,” whispered Mike. “Oh, my God, it just climbed out.” Jim rubbed his eyes and shook his head. All he could see was a dirty yellow light, now about four feet in diameter, a hundred feet below him. Why couldn't he see what Mike was seeing? Suddenly, it dawned on him. The binoculars. He motioned for Mike to hand them to him, but not before increasing the time exposure to ninety seconds.

Mike ignored him. “It's on the ground,” he said. “Oh, my God, it walked away.” As Mike danced on the ledge a few feet away, plainly in a panicky state, Jim could see the light decreasing in size. Within thirty seconds, the dull yellow circle had shrunk to about half its full diameter and was losing intensity. In the meantime, Jim pulled Mike over close to him and asked, “What happened?”

“A big black creature just crawled through that tunnel, got onto the ground, and walked away,” Mike said. “That's what happened. And it's lurking around here somewhere.”

Chapter 23 Vandals

After 1999, there were other sightings of the large, reddish hyenalike creature, once by a ranch employee and also by a local man a few miles from the ranch. In both cases the creature fit Tom's description of the original two-hundred-pound animal.

Tom had seen other strange animals on the ranch, of course, like the large wolves, one of which was bulletproof, that had haunted the ranch for several weeks after the family had moved onto the property and then had disappeared into the mists, never to be seen again. Tom also told me about some tiny bright red birds that had suddenly appeared. For a few days the birds, about the size of a wren, fluttered around a couple of trees near one of the abandoned homesteads and then vanished, forever. The birds' fiery red color together with their tiny size made them seem more like tropical birds, not indigenous to northeast Utah. Tom also told me about huge spiders he had seen in the same area around the abandoned homestead. Just like the birds, he saw the large spiders for a few weeks, then never saw them again.

Other locals saw strange animals as well. In October 1998, a man and his wife were returning to their home. As they drove along the narrow roads about three miles from the ranch, the wife spied some movement in the field next to the roadway. It was dusk, but there was still sufficient light to make out a humanlike figure running across the field. As the couple watched, the figure kept up the pace of an Olympic sprinter over hundreds of yards. They could not make out its features, but it looked like a dark, very muscled man running smoothly and effortlessly at an unbelievable speed. The creature or man was running in the direction of the ranch. What amazed the two witnesses was the smooth and rapid pace the running figure sustained. They watched it as it disappeared gradually from their field of view.

The rest of the chapters devolve into

What Goes On At The Ranch Today?

In 2004 the team that was investigating Skinwalker Ranch, National Institute for Discovery Science, became defunct. Later in 2005 Colm Kelleher and George Knapp would then publish the Hunt For The Skinwalker book. The book attracted the attention of Defense Intelligence Agency official James Lacatski who contacted Robert Bigelow about the ranch. Bigelow then contacted his senator friends Harry Reid and Ted Stevens, both senators agreed that the fruitless efforts of investigating Skinwalker Ranch needed 22 million dollars of the Department of Defense's budget to further investigate the ranch: The Advanced Aerospace Threat Identification Program was created. After 5 years of research the program concluded that they might have seen UFOs.

For all his time, money and efforts, Robert Bigelow was awarded the Pigasus Award by James Randi.

Category #2, to the funding organization that supported the most useless study of a supernatural, paranormal or occult, goes to Robert Bigelow, of the Bigelow Tea family. Mr. Bigelow not only gave large sums of money to Harvard University's Professor John Mack and to million-seller author Bud Hopkins on the strength of their "alien abduction" beliefs, but also purchased (for a purported $230,000) a "haunted ranch" in Utah where UFO attacks and "interdimensional portals" had shown up, in the wake of mysterious "cattle mutilations." Mr. Bigelow lives in a walled-in home in Las Vegas.

Randi's great. If you ever need a giggle look him up on youtube.

In 2016 Bigelow sold the ranch to Adamantium Real Estate LLC, after the purchase, roads leading to the ranch were blocked, the perimeter was guarded by cameras and barbed wire, and signs were posted that aimed to prevent people from approaching the ranch. They then trademarked "Skinwalker Ranch" and are planning on using it as a brand for "providing recreation facilities; entertainment services, namely, creation, development, production, and distribution of multimedia content, internet content, motion pictures, and television shows." We're getting into some Scooby Doo shit now

In 2020 real estate tycoon Brandon Fugal announced ownership of the ranch and a partnership with the Hutchings Museum Institute to better understand the historical significance of the ranch.

Here's Fugal's Newsweek article talking about the ranch.

People often ask me, "Are you a believer"? My honest answer is, "No. I am an experiencer." I don't believe, per se, but I believe what I saw and I am convinced that we continue to witness unusual activity that I cannot personally explain. Others are interested, too. The award-winning rapper, singer and producer Post Malone visited Skinwalker Ranch in February 2021 and I gave him a tour of the property.

Look at this mystery neighbor looking motherlover

Here's the official Skinwalker Ranch website. where they greatly encourage you to become a Skinwalker Ranch Insider subscriber. When you subscribe you also get access to the 24/7 webcam livestream. I'm sure that's really worth the money.

Also get a load of this guy from their The Team page:

Commonly known by his codename “Dragon”, Bryant Arnold is the Head of Security and Safety Officer on Skinwalker Ranch. As a trusted friend and advisor to Brandon Fugal for over 25 years, Bryant is a vital part of the day-to-day operations on the ranch. He prevents any and all who may unwisely attempt to trespass on the grounds and assists the investigations to ensure safety at all times. Bryant is a licensed, armed private security officer in the state of Utah, and is recognized as an expert marksman.

Professional mall ninja boomer.

THEY SELL A T-SHIRT OF THIS GUY AT THE GIFTSHOP AHAHAHAHA

There's also a """History"""channel series about the ranch, which is popular enough for four seasons, apparently.

There's also https://www.skinwalkerranch.org which is run by the researchers at the ranch, I think

The .org website has a lot more meat on it's bones than the .com website, such as these striking photos:

several strange numbers are seen from satellite photos looking overhead, apparently etched into the rocks. I have found numerous cases of these, and this is just one example. A illusion from a random shadow? Or something more sinister?

these strange words appeared on Erik Bard's computer screen late one night as the security cameras were going off due to motion alarms. Erik yelled at his screen (from his home in Salt lake) to show him something, and suddenly the pixels on the screen melted and these words appeared. This is the exact picture Erik saw that night.

photo of a entity at skinwalker ranch, I can not remember the source...

Mayo man kinda' spooky ngl fam

is this the skinwalker?

alien dave took this photo around 2003 at skinwalker ranch of a kangaroo like creature, or is it a common deer?

The website is also host to a lot of documents and pdf files of interviews, NIDS reports and newspaper clippings. It also has a timeline of the ranch which includes a link to an Angelfire website about Mormons finding injun gold. Goddang that's a whole 'nother rabbit hole that I'm not about to go down.

It was also home to a forum, which is now dead and archived. The !forumposters might get a kick out of digging around in there.

And of course, the official Youtube channel, which has a plethora of shaky phone footage of blurs in the sky. Also cave exploring videos, that's kinda' neat.

Actual UFO Evidence

Well by now you're probably thinking "C'mon LeDouche! There has to be some photo evidence of all the reported UFO activity!" And you're right, there is!

They captured not one, but two UFOs over the ranch!

And, and!... That's it. This is what decades of investigation and 22 million dollars gets you.

Well as much as I have rightfully taken the piss out of all of this I do think the Skinwalker Ranch itself is pretty interesting, the stories at least. And I think it would be pretty cool to be a professional UFO hunter with millionaire and government backing.

And today's cryptid is Beruang Rambai, bear/primate like creature from the forests of Borneo. Shoulder height of 4 feet, and 6 feet while standing upright. Based on received accounts, it's "neither bear nor orangutan". pic.twitter.com/XAs7z7Fnw5

— NemoralisArt (@NemoralisA) January 28, 2024

Watch this too!

Local tribes discussing the creature

There's all kinds of legit scary people and creatures wandering the jungles of the rural areas of the Philippines at night. And even they are afraid of the aswang.

I'll find some better examples. Unfortunately it's harder than heck to find any good stories in English these days because zoomers want to make everything into a tiktok and google is useless. I'll have to do some more searching. I wish I was still in touch with the people who used to give me real time updates on rumors of aswang packs on the move in their provinces.

Why so? It is a mystery