@Downie's comment on 'TwoX discusses the only thing worse than being catcalled :horny: Not being catcalled :10inbongland:'

https://old.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/15vus5q/does_anyone_else_deal_with_being_desexualized

OP has quite a post history: she's a 31 year old virgin who was considering IVF to be a "single mother by choice" but must've changed her mind and started posting in childfree :#marseygrapes:

We talk about catcalling, getting hit on at random places, men who can't take no for an answer, unsolicited pictures, etc but we never talk about what it's like to be completely desexualized. Has anyone else dealt with not being seen in a sexual way at all?

:#marseyl:

Nearing my 60th year on this planet and I am loving no longer being seen in a sexual way. Probably because I developed young and am healthily endowed

:#marseychonkerfoid:

[removed]

People don't treat ugly men like they aren't worth getting to know as people just because they are ugly. Women who are not conventionally attractive are treated like they aren't worth even acknowledging as a fellow human being.

sorry :#marseyblops2cel: you'll never understand how hard it is to be a woman :#marseynails:

What I'm not a fan of is ANYONE acting like catcalling is compliment. It's harassment, end of story.

:#taylorlorenzcrying:

Has anyone else dealt with not being seen in a sexual way at all?

Why is this an issue?

:#soyjakanimeglasses:

Yes. The very moment I come out as trans to men...

:#marseytransattentionseeker:

I feel like black cis women have a lot in common with trans women in the way we are treated.

:#marseyl:

TW: sexual assault I'm glad you are bringing the subject OP because I thought I was the only person with this concern. I feel shameful for typing this but I have never been r*ped and I've heard so many women have been, so it made me feel like I was not attractive enough.

:#marseysmug3:

There's this movie welcome to the dollhouse. In one scene, the main character's brother suggests she's not pretty enough to get kidnapped (though her little sister is). These characters are young, 13 and 8. If someone is not preying on you, wanting to r$pe or f$ck you, sorry, you must not be beautiful. If you grow up female in the west, this is essentially what you are taught. The patriarchy we are living in is a real mindfrick.

:#marseysnoo:

I've been young thin and pretty and fatter and youngish and then skinny again and older and now fat again and middle aged. The being fat and middle aged thing has been the only time I've felt completely desexualized. Like I'm invisible to men now. It's honestly kind of a shitty feeling. I went on a girls trip with my best friend last fall and she's my same age but extremely petite and cute. She was flirting with bar tenders and other people. And I was like hellllo I am here too. I felt absolutely invisible

:#marseywall:

This is definitely a subject that needs to be discussed / examined more because it's as much a tool of the patriarchy as hyper sexualization

Pretty privilege is a massive blind spot in this sub. So many women and girls clearly don't understand that life isn't just about individual interactions, it's about how being part of a demographic has a broader systemic impact.

uh oh who let this misogynist into 2x :#marseyblops2cel:

Unfair expectations leading to desexualization aren't purely a male perpetrated thing. For men, we have similar standards imposed on us. Except instead of youth and thinness it's money and height.

Can't have one goddarn thread without some dude chiming in about “bUt MeN tOo WiTh HeIgHt!!!!”

No. It isn't remotely the same thing.

:#npcangry:

Yes! I'm fat, so I deal with it a lot. I have complicated feelings around things like catcalling. It's just a weird place to be. I agree and understand that catcalling and shit like that is awful. But it's just also.... A very weird feeling to feel, left out of it I guess?

I don't think I'm even that ugly and no one's ever cat called me lol. I definitely feel left out and like something's wrong with me when women act like it's a universal experience.

Personally I think there is a weird flex where some women claim that they can't walk to the mailbox without being hounded for s*x by multiple men, or that every single man they encounter sexualizes them. It's either Main Character Syndrome or they a way of asserting dominance

a reasonable comment on 2X?? Someone better get the :#marseyjanny: to mop it up!

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UncleBen Xe/nophobe With great power comes great responsibility... and great bussy. 1yr ago #4837557

Wow, I feel this so much. Thank you for this thread. Honestly, I sometimes feel like "less of a woman" because I've never experienced being flirted with or hit on by men.

I tried dating apps, barely got matches. Only one "date" and that guy turned out to only want to sell me insurance.

I'm working on my self-esteem and confidence and focusing on myself for now. But it still... sucks because a lot of women act as though it's universal for all women to find it easy to get dates/s*x or get too much unwanted male attention.

I just don't get male attention, period. Whether wanted or unwanted. When you're not conventionally attractive, you're just invisible to men, apparently.

What?!

LMAO yes. Believe it or not, this was a real thing that happened to me. 😅

I tried dating apps for the first time in my early twenties after I graduated college and entered the workforce. I thought it was time for me to "put myself out there" more since I've never been in a relationship.

Got a few matches, and even fewer actual conversations.

Then, I met this one guy and we started talking about similar interests (like books, movies, all that). So, it seemed promising to me.

We then started talking about our careers. I told him what I did for a living, and he said he was a "financial adviser."

He started going on and on about his work. And, I thought to myself, "okay maybe the guy's just passionate about his career. That's not a bad thing at all."

He then asked to meet up with me at a coffee shop.

I was excited. It was the first time anyone has ever asked me out on a date!

But then, when we met in person, he shook my hand when introducing himself. We sat at the table, and he brought out his tablet. He had prepared a powerpoint presentation about the benefits of buying insurance for people in their mid-twenties.

I ghosted him after that encounter. And I deleted the dating apps on my phone and never looked back.

I can laugh about it now, but that really destroyed my self-esteem for a good while. Because for many other women, guys on dating apps ask them out on actual dates and/or want to hook up.