https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce/comments/1fhdnra/why_did_he_change_for_her/
Top comment on /r/divorce from an Angry Man
Well, a divorce is a huge life event and can cause people to re-evaluate. Not so much that he wasn't trying for you, but that now his life is upside down he finally understands how important it is.
But also, it's not like he changed that much, he might have a nice job, but he's still awful with money if he's buying a girlfriend a house.
Top comment on TwoX from Heckin Valid Women (male)
This is something I haven't admitted out loud as someone who recently divorced (aside for therapy). Since we have little ones, I do hope he steps up for them and gets his shit together. On the other hand, I don't want him to because that means there is something wrong with me. Why didn't he support me? Why didn't he step up? Why did I have to do all the heavy lifting?
My therapist said something along the lines of "if he changes it wasn't because you weren't good enough. Its because you are not longer managing his feelings and life so he HAS to step up to the plate. You had an overgrown child not a partner. A true partner would at least meet halfway where it counts. If he does step up after you leave him it's because you showed him how to step up. He didn't step up not because of something you did wrong."
He probably was taking advantage of you, whether or not he realized it. I doubt he has actually changed, he just got a new job and a new lady. It's ok to be scared. You will be ok being alone. Date yourself and stop giving him anymore of your energy...you already gave him 12 years of it.
Did we all marry the same man?
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Death to all therapists
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Not to invalidate your reasonable response, but there's also a chance the therapist said one thing and the reddit foid heard what she wanted to hear instead.
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"My therapist said and meant something completely different, but here's the version I prefer"
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