Being horny as an avoidant woman sucks butt.

I want to act on my primal instincts and have s*x the way men have s*x but I literally cannot subject that to myself without feeling traumatized after.

Like I know it's a MUTUAL action where both parties consent and enjoy the pleasure but at the same time I'd feel like the loser?

I get the sense there's a power imbalance I feel like I can't immerse myself to my primal desires without feeling like I'm losing something.

The strangest thing is I AM NOT RELIGIOUS NOR DO I THINK OTHER WOMEN WHO ENJOY S*X W/O FEELINGS ATTACHED ARE WRONG FOR IT. I just cannot relax and mimic their ways. I DONT KNOW WHY.

HELP ME. I want my insides rearranged so bad but it's so unrealistic to wait until I'm in another relationship for that.