Inspired by the Trench Crusade stupidity I present my own wargame Culture War

A wargame for our times

Culture War is a postapocalypse Cyberpunk wargame where bands of online r-slurs have been driven mad by their cheap Chinese-made knockoffs of Elon Musk's latest cybernetic implants and now battle it out in the streets. Everyone who's not an idiot is currently hunkered down and waiting for the military to wipe these morons out. Medical science has advanced to the point that those killed are back on the street the next day.

Tradlarps

Tradlarps are a wide sprectrum of morons who think things were better sometime in the past.They weild antique weaponry including swords and many historical guns. Occasionally one of them gets an antique tank or war memorial working or they steal equipment from the national guard or military.

Subfactions:

Sons of the Lost Cause-

Traditionalist

Slavery

Racist

Homophobic

Confederate nostalgics who want to reenslave black people and cause the South to rise again. Because of this they cannot align with any SJW or Establishment faction and any tradlarper with the "antislavery" tag will attempt to kill them. They favour trucks and dogs.

Buckbreakers

Traditionalist

Slavery

Racist

Male feminist

Homosexual

The Buckbreakers are Confederates who think that black slavery pairs well with a healthy dose of homosexual r*pe.

The Notzees

Traditionalist

Slavery

Nazi

Homophobic

Antisemitic

Racist

Your standard issue old school Neo-Nazi. They are solid, smart enough to be good cannon fodder, and dumb enough to be cannon fodder. The backbone of any Nazi army. Nazis can ally with any other Nazi faction even when they would otherwise be enemies.

The Sneedclave

Traditionalist

Patriotic

Antislavery

Nerd

The Sneedclave are Fallout fans who embraced the Enclave's ethos unironically. They seek a return to an idealized traditional 1950s America. Occasionally one will be wearing a working suit of power armor but most of their Fallout themed gear is nonfunctional despite their belief it works.

Crusaders

Traditionalists

Homophobic

Papist

Christian

Catholic

Traditional Catholic weirdos wearing medieval knight armor and carrying machine guns and swords.

• Anti-Papist Crusaders

Traditionalist

Anti-papist

Racist

Sexist

Christian

Antisemitic

Homophobic

Rogue crusaders who claim the current Pope is a heretic.

Skullrock teds

Traditionalist

Punk

Musical

1950's rock and roll enthusiasts who gain power on important dates for rock and roll history, such as Elvis's birthday or the day the music died. Kings are the leaders and are all fat. Rock and rollers are the standard unit. Teddy bears are the big roided up freaks. Rocking rollers drive their crappy reproduction land yachts. Skull rockers are fans of other musical genres they make wear skull masks and noise cancelling headphonese. Called skull rock because they use old x-ray plates to copy music onto.

Perverts

Perverts are sexual weirdos who just want to get their nut off in a wide variety of insane, unsafe, and nonconsensual ways. They favor snatch and grab tactics to acquire more victims.

Subfactions:

The Eunuch Archivists

Deviant

Mutilator

Woke

Groomer

Slavery

Male feminist

They aren't eunuchs. They want to chop your johnson off with their giant scissors.

Gorean Incels

Male feminist

Slavery

Homophobic

Misogynist

Incels are bitter hateful involuntarily celibate men who hate women and want them to suffer. They seek to enslave any reasonably attractive woman they come across. Their hatred gives them strength and lets them fight on long after the point they should have died.

Nazifur

Antisemitic

Nazi

Traditionalist

Deviant

Male feminist

Anything that moves

Furry

Nazi furries that serve as the "monsters" of any Nazi army. Their fursuits are state of the art and provide them significant protection as they capture their victims to "yiff undesirables to death".

Vorites

Deviant

Cannibal

Anything that moves

Blasphemous

They want to eat you in a sexual way, but they still literally want to kill and eat you. Modified teeth and mouths to make eating people easier

Sjw

Leftwing causes championed by the worst people who aren't part of any of the other factions

Subfactions

Tumblerite

Woke

Deviant

Anti-papist

Antisemitic

Angry, stupid, and fat. Bright colours and bad anatomy. Their "triggered" state allows them to enter a killing rage.

Movieblobs

Woke

Anti-papist

Elitist

Atheist

Nerd

The spiritual scions of moviebob, who worship pop culture, hate poor people, are fat, and armed with mario-themed flamethrowers

Extra expensive limited edition model

signature faction character

Moviebob

Woke

Anti-papist

Elitist

Atheist

Nerd

The man himself. He's gotten even fatter and now rides a floating platform like Dr. Robotnik. Tubes and wires pump the medication needed to keep him alive into him. Chained to his throne are the most attractive women his followers have captured dressed in modest and non-explotive outfits. The still living severed heads of other nerd champions, including Linkara the lightbringer , the mysterious Mr.Enter, Deathless Phelous, and the cast of Oneyplays, sit next to him as a geek chorus, although he has shoved a sock into each of their mouths. Sometimes those characters show up as living nerd champions, which means they either escaped, the heads are animatromic, or he's petty enough to clone and brainscan his enemies so he can torture the clone.

Greviancemonger

extra expensive scam model

Tom the black and his familar Jim Crow

Woke

Racist

Homphobic

Magic is real now. Deal with it.

A crazy wizard convinced white people want to kill him and steal his soul because white people don't have souls. The crow is probably a demon .

Nationalists of Islam

Racist

Sexist

Homophobic

Blasphemous

The nation of islam with psychic powers led directly by "clones" of Yakub.

Foreigners

Weirdos obsessed with foreign cultures who fight with culturally appropriated weapons

Subfactions:

Weaboos

Deviant

Kawaii

Nerd

Japanese fanboys and fangirls but especially anime. Usually fat but not always. Wields katanas and ridiculous cosplay weaponry. Doesn't usually use guns.

Mall ninja

Kawaii

Nerd

Athletic

Losers obsessed with martial arts and cool weaponry that they vaguely know how to use.

Wehraboos

Traditionalist

Nazi

Homophobic

Antisemitic

Nerd

The specialists of the Nazis who obsessively pour over the memoirs of Nazi generals and Nazi weaponry. They form the "knights" of any Nazi army.

Schizos

Pure crazy people who believe crazy things and are crazy. Their extreme insanity renders them harder to frighten

• Subfactions

The Lords of Tartary

Traditionalist

Crazy

Believers in the lost kingdom of Tartary. They are armed with shovels, picks, and mining equipment as they attempt to unearth their non-existent homeland.

Artistic failures

Artistic failure are people who never gave up on their craft even when they really should have. Still armed with the cowtools of their chosen trade they mainly fight for more supplies

Subfactions

Soundcloud mumbler

Racist

Sexist

Homophobic

Criminal

Woke

Musical

Completely without talent but with all the murderous rage and bigotry of rap greats like Tupac, Eminem, and Biggie Smalls, the soundcloud mumbler is as fearsome as his lyrics are flat.

Antifanatics

Antifanitics are haters of genres, artists, games, trades, and anything that isn't covered by bigotry. They gain bonuses against their chosen targets but gain a disadvantage against a non-nerd faction. They compensate for this with a wide variety of freaky powers.

Yiffhunters

Homophobic

Criminal

Furry

Hatred:furries

Yiffhunters are furry haters who fight with elephant guns, deer rifles, hunting rifles, poison gas, and bear traps. They are often wearing the bloodstained pelts of furries they have murdered. Often they wear the head with the jaws radically distended . With every furry they murder they get stronger. And yes this means yiffhunters anti-furry rage includes any unallied yiff hunter. Wearing the sparkle dog ironically is still wearing the sparkle dog. And yes freaky mutant animals also count.

G*mergators

Homophobic

Sexist

Cannabilistic

Nerd

Furry

Hatred: journ*lists and Woke

G*mergators are half man/half gator hybrids with an undying hatred for journ*lists, the woke, and grifters, whom they blame for ruining videogames. They wield video game weapons and have a nasty bite attack. No one knows why they mutated into half man/half gators.

Establishment

The proper authorities and unironic good guys. Also the strongest and most boring faction to play as.

Subfactions

National guard

Patriotic

Sane

Antislavery

Police

Firefighter