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What a shitty fricking resume. Unironically just make a simple list. Center your name up top. Put your email and number below it. Put a section for experience. List your past jobs/activities that relate to job skills. Put a section for education. Maybe a section for extra skills.

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Right? I don't understand why so many people have trouble making half-decent resumes. Christ even if you're too lazy to do it yourself you can find a template with 30 secs of googling.

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They read a “THIS unique resume got this idiot hired to 5 major tech companies in 30 seconds” blogspam 2 years ago and were convinced they needed to do something “unique.”

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