The self-sabotage of lying

Yes, a financially poor mentally ill truecel is about to give you life advice.

The following discussion concerns lying and why you should never do it, no matter how terrible the consequences initially seem. This is going to be a fairly long post, but I hope by the end of it, you understand my position.

What led to the no lying policy?

There was a very specific experience I witnessed that completely convinced me that lying only serves to worsen your life. I know I tell a lot of these academia stories, so if they're boring please let me know and I'll stop. With that said, here's the event in question:

So I knew an English professor, let's call her Debbie. Overall, she was mostly a good person and I'd really only criticize her for still smoking disgusting cigarettes in current year. Despite not acting like it, she is actually insanely overqualified and intelligent. She has two Masters degrees, one from fricking Cambridge University.

I'm not part of the staff team of course, but I got to know the workplace pretty well just from all the years I wasted there (almost an entire fricking decade - worst mistake of my life to date). One day, during a meeting, Debbie was verbally attacked by a pipsqueak fellow staff member (let's call her Lisa) who is far less qualified and experienced than her. Lisa is highly disagreeable and quite frankly one of the most unpleasant people I have ever met, even on the most superficial level. If I found out she had colon cancer I would give 0 shits (pun intended) because I'm convinced she's a sociopath who would feel nothing for anyone else.

Anyway, back to Debbie. How did she react to the attack? Days later, she's acting like she's best buddies with Lisa!

Seeing this, I noticed that I had lost all respect or even sympathy for Debbie. She was obviously hurt and disrespected by Lisa. There was no reason for there to be any civility between them because Lisa had used many fancy words to essentially tell Debbie to frick off, and publicly so.

Debbie, you know this person has no respect for you, they will attack you publicly, and they fear no retribution. Why are you smiling as though she's your friend? YOU ARE LYING. This behavior isn't arbitrary. Her continued lie to both herself and others attempting to convince them that she's fine was keeping her in an environment where she was destined to be treated the same way yet again one day.

Do you know what the correct response would be? Debbie, you tell Lisa you think she's a disrespectful piece of shit, and if she speaks to you like that again, you're going to leave (or promise violence if she genuinely felt capable of it and was willing to do it). Would that cause conflict? Yes. But it also would have set the HONEST boundaries of the relationship.

There are so many people tolerating toxic relationships and workplaces, being ruled over by a tyrant and the reason it continues is because you can't open your mouth and tell that tyrant to FRICK OFF. So you lie and act like it's okay. Why do you lie?:

• Afraid of losing your job and affecting your finances

• Afraid of damaging a relationship with a boyfriend/parent/loved one

• Terrified of conflict

• Lack of experience (you've lied so much you literally don't know how to be honest with your feelings)

The terrible, terrible consequence of this is that you remain stuck in the same position. If you're lucky, you'll just experience stagnancy. The more realistic scenario is that shit escalates because you've proven yourself to be a good target for malice.

It took me a long time to understand this about life, but in adulthood, people who are being bullied or mistreated often fully deserve it, including me.

Reason? We lied very early on about what we were willing to tolerate, so the treatment only got worse. If we told the truth at the very beginning - “stop that shit I don't like it” - it would have almost certainly stopped.

The nature of bullying is that your target is weaker than you physically/mentally/financially/professionally. When you're mistreated and you don't say anything, you prove yourself to be both mentally and emotionally weak - an irresistible target for a bully. It's like white girls walking alone in India in short skirts - you deserve what's coming, and you brought it on yourself.

This isn't high school. You're not stuck going to the same building every day if you don't want to. And you most certainly have the legal right to fricking deck anyone once they even remotely attempt to intimidate you. An honest punch is more moral than a fake smile. Losing your job in that scenario is noble, but you're a fricking pathetic, scared liar so you don't/can't understand that. Instead, you'll pretend things are fine when they're not.

If you are guilty of this in any capacity, cease this behavior right now. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to others, regardless of who you're talking to and how much power they have. I promise you that your life will drastically improve if you stop lying. I hope to convince you of this by the end of this article.

What is lying

That image above. YOU JUST KNOW.

There are so many questions that surround the concept of a “lie” that I don't think we even have a universally agreed-upon definition for it just yet, and I'm not arrogant enough to believe I've solved the problem.

The consensus is that a lie is the opposite of the truth. But that definition doesn't help much, because we could have a debate for days over what “truth” is. Nevertheless, when we talk about lying in regular society, we're typically referring to the act of intentionally misrepresenting what you believe to be true.

I would add one detail to this definition. You don't need to mislead another person to lie - lies told to yourself are still lies. Not accepting the nature of reality is a lie to yourself. And it's these lies that are perhaps the most dangerous.

Do definitions matter? Yes, I believe they do in this case. Most of the time, we know we're lying. However, there are cases where people need to be shown the dishonesty within their words or actions. This is the case for several reasons.

1. Firstly, we lie so routinely that we start to not recognize the falsehoods in our words (e.g. I love you, I'm okay).

2. Secondly, it can be difficult to accept that you've lied to yourself because it requires a drastic change in your perception of reality, the one you were trying to run away from (e.g. I cannot afford the car I'm driving, I caused my break-up, I'm an addict).

So not only is lying hard to define, but it can also be hard to determine when we've lied. This is slightly different from something like, say, theft, when we all know exactly what it is and when we've done it intentionally. Why? We'll dive into that in a moment, but there's a little more theoretical groundwork to lay down first.

What kinds of lies are there?

There's a seemingly countless variety of lies we can tell, with some of them being more controversial than others. There are some common types of lies that we face every day. Here are some examples:

1. White lies - these are lies we tell with good intentions. Usually to spare someone's feelings or protect them from a horrible truth. I consider these to be one of the worst kinds of lies because we do them daily without realizing how much we are actually destroying our relationships with each other. We tell these lies, the victim sees through them, and they lose all respect for you. I have no respect for people who tell me “white lies”.

Furthermore, if your life is believed, it prevents people from solving otherwise simple problems. Instead of saying “No Sandra, you're not fat!”, just tell her the truth - “You're a fat frick, it's unhealthy, and it reflects badly on your personality because fat people are rightfully seen as greedy and undisciplined. Your life would improve if you lost weight.” Sandra needs to hear the truth, but you'll lie to her, and she'll never improve.

2. Black lies - These are lies told by BIPOCs. Just kidding. Black lies are those we tell with conscious and deliberate malice or ill intent. Lying to get money, to cheat, to get out of trouble etc. Most people would find these to be the worst kinds of lies, but I disagree. I find them to be the most “honest” kind of lie. The person telling the lie knows they're lying, they know they're being immoral, and they're going ahead with the deed. Unlike the other kinds of lies, there's no confusion or obfuscation of the immorality of the action.

What is the last black lie you have told?

3. Honest lie - This is also known as the “black truth” and it is the kind of lie wielded by experts in dishonesty. I do not mean to be misogynistic, but I've also noticed it is the kind of lie I've pretty much only seen women use. You deceive by telling the truth. It's a complex thing, and it takes good social skills to pull off. An example: you tell me I'm fat (the truth). The next day you tell me I'm fat (the truth). The day after you tell me I'm fat (the truth). You've acknowledged no other part of my humanity, and reduced me to merely a “fat person”. I may be a person that's fat, but it's a lie to convince me I'm solely a “fat person”. I have more value than that.

I'm not fat by the way, just an example. I refuse to be fat. Even as an incel, that's below me.

4. Defamation/Slander - Once again, this is the kind of lie I see used mainly by women. Someone wants your reputation damaged, so they tell a lie about you. The lie usually has some truth to it, but things have been exaggerated, or context has been left out. It doesn't matter so long as it makes you look bad.

5. Lie by omission - This is a controversial one. You lie by not saying something. It's difficult to gauge what a lie by omission is because we all have a right to privacy. However, I believe deep down we all know when we're using the guise of privacy to hide truths that should be revealed. A very common example - you wanna have s*x with your female friend. You don't say it - you just orbit. You understand the dynamics of the situation would be different if you admitted your true intentions but you don't. You haven't told a lie, but you're certainly lying.

6. The big lie - During my lying days, these were the kinds of lies I would tell. Go big or go home. Tell a lie so preposterous that nobody would believe you'd lie about something so massive.

7. The cover-up lie - I'd argue this is probably one of the most common lies. We've all done it. There is almost certainly someone reading this that is in the midst of a cover-up lie in your life right now. Some of you have been keeping up this cover-up for years.

You fricked up, you don't want anyone to know, so you lie. This lie is initially useful, but it almost always results in the “snowball effect”. You need a second lie to bolster the first, then a third, then a fourth, and now you're stuck in a matrix of lies that are bound to be uncovered at some point. It's probably the most stressful kind of lie as well because not only do you have to worry about your lies, but you're also stressing about the initial thing you were trying to cover up.

There are other kinds of lies we could discuss such as exaggerations, half-truths, and malingering (another big one), but with the above, we cover the gamut of lies you'll probably tell and hear daily.

Origins of lying

It is estimated that children learn to lie at around age three when they start to have an improved theory of mind. They understand that you have your own mind, separate from theirs, and that two people can believe different things. It's as if we're all born Jungians believing in collective consciousness, then we're rapidly ripped from that and thrown into solipsism.

Left to their own devices, children will lie without any guilt. This is different from other acts we deem immoral that children often have an ingrained sense of guilt over. An example is unfairness. It's a concept so primitive that toddlers as young as 19 months will express moral outrage at any situation that seems even remotely unfair.

https://healthland.time.com/2012/02/20/even-babies-can-recognize-whats-fair

Dogs, cows, apes - they all understand unfairness and will object to it.

For some reason, lying doesn't follow these rules. To the contrary, lying is a cognitive milestone, and to some degree, you should want your child to have a period of lying, as it demonstrates a developed theory of mind. Lying is an expected part of childhood development.

Here's where the issue arises - from ages 4 to 6, children will do the most lying. They're discovering the world, learning about other humans, and understanding their place in society.

Smart kids will lie the most, and then they'll learn how to do it well, and if they do it convincingly then it will help them avoid trouble and succeed socially. And quite frankly, at that age, it's not really possible to fully understand the perniciousness of lying, especially because telling the truth will almost always land you in a bad position. You broke the window? Why the frick be honest about it? So you can get into trouble? Just say you don't know how it happened and you're spared punishment. If you're a smart child, you can even lay down evidence to make it seem like the dog did it.

It's not entirely obvious to a child at this age why they shouldn't use this effective tool, and if you don't ingrain the idea that lying is wrong during these years, you run the risk of breeding an incorrigible pathological liar. Remember, there's no natural moral repulsion to lying, probably because evolutionarily, lying also serves as a viable mating strategy. You may not form a good long-term relationship with lies, but you can sure as frick lie your way to quick s*x.

So we need to teach children that lying is wrong, which is something even adults have trouble fully explaining or understanding beyond the simple “people don't like it when you lie to them.” This isn't a useful lesson. All you're telling your child is that they need to lie well enough to not get caught.

Adults have a second problem to deal with - they're also big fat liars. Any attentive child will recognize that adults lie frequently, including their own parents. Furthermore, the “wrongness” of lies seems to vary. This isn't like, theft for example. You can teach a child to never steal anything, and your child will probably never see you steal because most adults don't. On the other hand, children are punished by their parents for lying but can see that their parents also lie.

The end result? Most of us grow up believing lying is wrong, but not always wrong. I'm sure you can understand this. Have you ever given a false compliment? I'm sure you never felt any guilt about it at all. You may have even felt good about saying something nice to someone, regardless of how untrue it is.

This is the most interesting thing I find about lying. We consider it to be immoral, yet it seems to illicit little to no feelings of guilt. We ultimately have to teach ourselves to not lie, and figuring out why you shouldn't lie isn't always obvious.

Why do we lie?

I've mostly answered this question already - it's useful, at least in the short term. Here's a brief list of things lying can get you:

• Escape trouble or negative consequences

• Avoid blame

• Convince people we will do something we have no intention of doing

• Appear better than you are

• Make someone feel better

• Avoid confrontation

• Commit fraud and other crimes to net you money

• Harm people you don't like by lying about them

• Lead people to make poor decisions because of incorrect information

It's also worth mentioning that not all lies have these benefits. Some lies are told for no reason other than the satisfaction of knowing you fooled someone. These are cases of “duper's delight” and in this realm, we're usually discussing pathological liars. That deserves its own post, as with this post, I'd like to focus on the fricked up and unnecessary lies otherwise moral folks tell daily.

I write this post as a reformed liar. I was never a pathological liar but I darn well have used lying to help me in life. Estimates suggest that people tell about two lies daily, which is where I would place my prior self. I'll also admit that I felt no guilt lying (and still don't), and while I recognize the wrongness of the lies I've told, they don't weigh on my conscience at all.

A lot of lying was to my father specifically, because he was violent when I was younger, so lying was a form of self-preservation. The consequence of this is that it taught me to lie to all superiors, as though they'll also beat the shit out of me if I upset them. Bad life lesson to learn, and a difficult mindset to grow past.

Here are some of the lies I told:

• I swear I'm not drunk!

• That's okay!

• It doesn't matter.

• I'm not upset.

• I'm sorry.

• I lied to my parents about failing a subject in one semester of my 1st year of university

• I didn't declare all income sources on my tax forms

• I lie to my family about being Christian

• I'm pretty sure I lie to myself about my true levels of bitterness toward women

Do I feel bad about these lies? No, but I believe they all led to worse long-term outcomes than if I had just told the truth.

The Stress of Lying

As I said, lying doesn't trigger a guilt response unless you were raised to have one, or life experiences have taught you this lesson. For most of us, it's pretty easy to lie and we'll forget about it ten seconds later, not feeling bad about it at all. Nevertheless, lying can stress you out.

You have the task of convincing the person of a mistruth which requires acting skills, a good memory, or knowledge you don't have. If you're discovered, you could face consequences and reputational damage, not to mention damaged relationships.

So even if we don't feel guilt, lying is often a stressful experience. Personally, I have anxiety disorder so really whether I'm lying to you or telling the truth, I'm still going to be stressed out by communicating at all. The truth content of my statement doesn't really matter which makes lying all the more easier.

Why you shouldn't lie - harm to others

Wewlad one of my favorite Holly's above.

In the Bible, the devil is referred to as the father of lies, and that deception is his mother tongue. Of all the things the devil could be characterized as - king of murderers, the r*pe ruler - he is instead depicted as a liar.

In the Bible, we witness God kill thousands if not millions. Yet when Satan, the villain of the story, shows up, his strategy is to lie. Worth thinking about, isn't it? The Bible doesn't just rebuke lies - they seem to be deeply tied to the very core of sin itself.

I hate it when people say the serpent didn't lie to Eve (and yes the serpent is Satan, it doesn't need to be explicitly stated, it is contextually obvious). The serpent without a doubt lied. He promised that they would not die if she ate the fruit. Epic troll! God finds out and darns the whole of humanity to death.

“In the sweat of your face you shall eat bread till you return to the ground, for out of it you were taken; for dust you are, and to dust you shall return” - (Genesis 3:17)

So why this big focus on lying in religion? Because the ancients recognized how lies were enough to destroy nations. The most important words Eve speaks are “The serpent deceived me, and I ate.” In short, the lie I was told ruined my life. This is what you do to others when you lie to them. You lead them astray, causing them to draw false conclusions and ultimately not act in the best way.

Why you shouldn't lie - harm to self

Let's say you don't give a shit about others. Why is lying wrong for you? Lying is quite possibly the most destructive thing you can do in your life. It is probably the biggest thing blocking you right now from improving your life. I'll list the four main reasons:

1. It obfuscates situations that are already present but you refuse to acknowledge.

An example - you do OnlyFans but your family is conservative. Your dad would disown you if he knew. Okay, so what the frick is the point of the fake relationship? The truth is that it already ceased to exist the second you posted your first nude.

Your dad has already rejected you. He's just talking to a false illusion of yourself that you've formed. Just tell him the truth, get formally disowned, and you can move on with your life with the facts of reality no longer obfuscated. But that's scary, so we lie.

Now, I gave the OnlyFans example, but how many of us are currently in similar situations? Hiding shit and lying about it because we fear rejection or abandonment? Lying to work colleagues about how much you like them or your job, lying to friends about romantic feelings you hold, lying to parents about your degeneracies. Just rip the fricking band-aid off and tell the truth. It will completely declutter your life of all the shit that doesn't need to be there.

I've spoken at length about my friend S.H. whom I had feelings for but got rejected.

https://rdrama.net/post/224434/i-told-my-friend-i-have

I was heartbroken at first - still am - but god it feels good to finally be past it. I'm so glad I can close that chapter and move on instead of lying to her pretending the friendship was purely platonical. It's over, I lost a friend, but I understand now that I had truly lost that friend long ago when I first developed feelings, and everything after that was just the anguish of continuing a friendship based on a lie.

Yes, it may make me a horny incel that I don't want to talk to her anymore if she doesn't want to frick me, but now I have one less person to worry about, and I can start devising other ways I can use women for s*x. My current ideas:

a) Ask the cute budtender at the weed dispensary on a date

b) Go to the local gay club and pick up a transmale with a vagina

c) Join the Mormon church down the road

d) Join the local hiking club

2. When you lie, you are often avoiding setting necessary boundaries

A homeless man asks you for money. You say you don't have any. You're lying. How about being honest to the man and telling him the truth - “you're half-drunk, I don't trust you, and I doubt you'll use this money for good. You're also making me and everyone you beg from uncomfortable.”

You would be surprised at how many people in such a situation will actually apologize, perhaps even explain why they're down on their luck, and at which point, they would be forced to consider and pursue legitimate ways of making money. Your harsh but true words are probably the wake-up call they need.

Stop saying shit is okay when it's not, or pretending you're fine with things you aren't okay with. Whether it's friends, colleagues, romantic partners, or even your superiors. I promise you they know you're lying and respect you less for it. When they ask you for something ridiculous or treat you unkindly, they do so because they know you're a liar who'll never admit that they've had enough. You're being mistreated - and rightfully so - because of your own lies.

It's hard to do at first, especially if you're someone who hates hurting other people's emotions and is scared to say no. But the more you do it, the easier it becomes, and the more respect you have for yourself.

Another real-world example - I'm currently visiting my parents. I chronically lie to my dad because he was violent during my childhood, so lying was a form of self-preservation. This time around, my dad wanted me to do something with him in the afternoon. I didn't want to, so I said so without sugar-coating it. Following this, he's actually been a lot more respectful towards me. He sensed the b-word in me was gone, I was being honest, and people respect that, even if you say shit they don't like.

People will mistreat you until you stop lying and acting like you're okay with it.

Being shy, introverted, scared, and anti-confrontation are all insufficient reasons to not SAY THE WORD “NO”.

If you think you're being underpaid at work, Don't lie and act like it's fine. Bring your proof of your true value and say so. Go to your boss and tell them “I've been working here 6 years, I've got a higher degree than all my peers, yet my salary hasn't changed. Pay me more or I'll leave.” If you're smart about it, you'll actually go to job interviews first, receive a salary offer, then go to your boss and tell them to pay you that amount or you'll frick off.

It goes the other way as well. If you're struggling with your job and its requirements, don't lie and fake competence. Maybe you do need a demotion where you can learn the basics better and, in the long run, become a better worker. Yes, you'll earn less, but you'll avoid the shitstorm that is fricking something serious up because of your incompetence. We all know these people at work. They know they're not qualified for their job, so they need to try every trick in the book to keep the lie up, and it ends up negatively affecting everyone, including you who has to fix their inevitable frick-ups.

3. You will eventually lie to yourself, and you will never know who you truly are.

None of us are perfect. We have twisted, sick desires. We want degenerate shit. And sometimes, we're driven by malice.

Hiding these things from ourselves only makes our Jungian shadow larger, and that shadow will darken everything it touches. This is the reason you need a good friend or, ideally, a good husband/wife who will accept you regardless of what you admit. Someone whom you cannot lie to regardless of how fricked up the truth is.

Yes, a friend can serve this purpose, but nothing replaces a spouse who has already (honestly) vowed to never leave you. A friend will reject you for your truths. A good spouse will only love you more for admitting them.

Are you a porn addict? The answer's obviously yes. If you're hiding it, the habit only gets worse and more obscene.

Here's a challenge - tell the person you love most about precisely what porn you watch and I'm not even kidding

“Hey X, I watch porn for hours at a time and it's been getting increasingly sick. I like seeing squirting and it's progressed to piss porn. I like gangbangs and it turns me on more when women seem like they don't like it.”

Firstly, you'll learn whether your loved one's love is unconditional if they don't abandon you. Secondly, just admitting these things is likely to end it all. The fetishes fester under the shadow of shame.

4. You stop yourself from learning about reality

Telling the truth is hard. Like, one of the hardest things to do in life. But if you prove to yourself that you can tell the truth, it gets easier which prepares you for the bigger truths you'll eventually need to tell.

Another real-world example. It was hard to tell my friend the truth that I liked her romantically. It didn't turn out the way I wanted, but now I know that I am capable of expressing romantic feelings to women. Importantly, I also learned a lesson - DON'T ORBIT FOR YEARS, it'll only suck worse when you're rejected. Now I can act better in the future with a clearer understanding of how reality works.

If I like you, I'm probably going to tell you as soon as I know it now. Reject me or accept me. I know this reality is better than holding it in forever.

Are there exceptions?

Of course, there are no absolutes in life. I fully support lying to the police and committing perjury in court. Lying weakens these systems and prevents them from functioning, which is the ultimate goal. Police should be misled, and in court, regardless of your guilt, your only aim should be to avoid being put in a cage where you may face r*pe and violence.

There are also extreme cases, but these will likely never come up in your life. For example, it's the day of the rope and you're hiding black people in your house. A Proud Boy knocks on your door and asks if there are any neighbors in there. Lie! A life is worth more than a moral code.

CONCLUSION

When you start only telling the truth, you will initially have more conflict in your life. You will lose friends. You will be judged as people disapprove of your actions and the degeneracies you've been hiding.

But when you come out the other end, you'll be a better person with a better life. You will be closer to the things you truly want.

Notice that I haven't said anything about trustworthiness or reputation. I don't give a shit about that. Whether you think I'm a liar or a truth-teller is irrelevant to me. Reputation and trustworthiness are not good reasons to not lie. You can tell the truth and still garner the reputation of a liar if your truths are unliked. A good liar can have a reputation as an honest person.

So, when you're ready, take that vow of honesty, and promise yourself to never lie again. If you don't want to go to lunch with someone upon invitation - tell them you don't enjoy their company. Is someone annoying you at work? Tell them to leave you alone, and that their behavior annoys you. Did you make a mistake, forget to do something, or just make a bad choice? Oh well, just say so. Who cares! Do you have a shameful habit or some kind of degeneracy you engage in behind closed doors? Maybe being honest about it will open the door for a well-needed conversation.

If you got this far, thank you for reading. Wishing you a wonderful festive season!

!effortposters

@MrsFrozenClaus