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[๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜] Why does honesty never work when dating women?

https://old.reddit.com/r/AskMenAdvice/comments/1hmaeq3/why_does_honesty_never_work_when_dating_women/

								

								

Most Based Comments

Basedness: ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜

Exactlyโ€ฆ.. OP is being honest which is fantasticโ€ฆ.. that doesn't mean these women have to stick around. Good news : he isn't wasting anyone's time because he's being honest. (291)

True. The problem then becomes these women are so used to believing the thrill of a lie, that an up front truth is not refreshing, just disappointing (-11)

Basedness: ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜

Honesty is working. If you don't want to build a relationship and want to have s*x and leave make it clear. Maybe you're some sort of handsome irresistible man? That's why they want to keep you if they can, but when they find out you really mean what you say then they leave. In reality, s*x is a sacred bond and causes people to be emotionally attached. Because of this, it affects your partner and creates an attachment, even if it doesn't affect you. Continue to be honest with them. They can't blame you for anything if you told them from the start that you're looking for s*x not into making love. (27)

The serious problem is that most of the time if a man says he just wants casual s*x, most women already give up. It's better to hide your goals to seduce a woman and tell the truth after having s*x. (-29)

Basedness: ๐Ÿ”ฅ๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜๐Ÿ”˜

Being honest doesn't guarantee that she will like what you have to say. (651)

Which is why you are better off just telling her what she wants to hear. (-23)

Angriest Comments

Angriness: ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก

Oh no I'm not expanding. Sexual abuse is many things - including manipulation or lying to get access to a person's body. Sexual assault involves attacking but abuse can occur without physical violence. If a guy I'm dating wants a bj but I'm not in the mood - he then responds by calling me a b-word and refusing to talk to me and giving me the cold shoulder so that in future when he wants a bj, I give him one to avoid that reaction - is that not abuse? Of course it is. S*x should be mutual.Think about it this way. If I go out with you and you pay for dates, pay for my nails to be done, pay for my phone so we can chat, pay for my hair, etcโ€ฆall while I lead you on with the impression I will be your gf one day and/or put outโ€ฆam I financially abusive? Of course. I'm stringing you alone so that you'll pay for my shit. Abuse is rampant and it's often things that people don't consider to be abuse. We need to move the conversation forward. It's not evil. (4)

What you defined, well explained, can indeed be abusive, but linking it to the field of sexual abuse is very dangerous, even for greater reasons such as the trivialization of the concept, because if the concept of sexual abuse expands more and more, it will be so bureaucratic to be correct that we will have to file contracts for the protection of men and women.Here in Brazil we have the concept of sexual fraud, which is when a person deceives another to achieve sexual intimacy, this has been somewhat common for a long time, but the law that turns this deception into a crime is something very new. This is bad, but expanding into a sexual context could equate this minor crime with actual violent sexual crimes. There is a huge difference between subjective violence and objective violence and equating both things can further disadvantage the real victims.This example of a woman deceiving men with seduction that could result in casual s*x or dating happens a lot. It is common for men wit... (1)

Angriness: ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก

What you defined, well explained, can indeed be abusive, but linking it to the field of sexual abuse is very dangerous, even for greater reasons such as the trivialization of the concept, because if the concept of sexual abuse expands more and more, it will be so bureaucratic to be correct that we will have to file contracts for the protection of men and women.Here in Brazil we have the concept of sexual fraud, which is when a person deceives another to achieve sexual intimacy, this has been somewhat common for a long time, but the law that turns this deception into a crime is something very new. This is bad, but expanding into a sexual context could equate this minor crime with actual violent sexual crimes. There is a huge difference between subjective violence and objective violence and equating both things can further disadvantage the real victims.This example of a woman deceiving men with seduction that could result in casual s*x or dating happens a lot. It is common for men wit... (1)

Your first two paragraphs - your argument is that sexual fraud (as it is called in your country) is not akin to sexual abuse because it is not as serious and the victims aren't real victims. You do not understand how s*x is viewed for women. If we find out a guy has been lying to use us - we feel shame, disgust, low self-esteem, we are more likely to accept poor treatment in future because of our lower self-worth - it's very violating and it absolutely is sexual abuse. I was in a relationship like I describe above in my earlier comment - it very much fricked with my head. Adding to it - let's make it murder instead of sexual abuse. The definition of murder I will use is "Person A took action to end Person B's life". The murder could be that A shot person B in the head and they died quickly without pain. Maybe A even had an (almost) understandable reason for wanting B dead. A murder could also be A kidnapping B, tying them down, slowly carving them up, and then setting them on fire. O... (2)

Angriness: ๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก๐Ÿ˜ก

It is not sexual abuse for two reasons:1- This never happened, I only spoke of the hypothesis.2- Sexual abuse involves forcing and attacking, these are two things I have never done.His mentality lacked common sense. Sexual abuse is something very serious, do not try to expand this concept to other things as this is pure evil. (0)

Oh no I'm not expanding. Sexual abuse is many things - including manipulation or lying to get access to a person's body. Sexual assault involves attacking but abuse can occur without physical violence. If a guy I'm dating wants a bj but I'm not in the mood - he then responds by calling me a b-word and refusing to talk to me and giving me the cold shoulder so that in future when he wants a bj, I give him one to avoid that reaction - is that not abuse? Of course it is. S*x should be mutual.Think about it this way. If I go out with you and you pay for dates, pay for my nails to be done, pay for my phone so we can chat, pay for my hair, etcโ€ฆall while I lead you on with the impression I will be your gf one day and/or put outโ€ฆam I financially abusive? Of course. I'm stringing you alone so that you'll pay for my shit. Abuse is rampant and it's often things that people don't consider to be abuse. We need to move the conversation forward. It's not evil. (4)

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