@MarseyIsMyWaifu's comment on 'r/writers discusses a 60k word gay Gilmore Girls fanfiction about 9/11 written by a 14 year old'

https://old.reddit.com/r/writers/comments/1i5y4ty/i_14_finished_writing_my_first_book/

I (14) finished writing my first book!

I know age shouldn't be an excuse for bad writing and I kinda rushed the end of my book, but I put all my heart and feeling into writing this book. I hope you enjoy reading it.

(PS: this is a pen name)

Link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1wyfzJTYu7ER34xCSLjETM1YCgBYCm-AvVsCQjuxVsk4/edit

Here comes the critique:

You posted this, so I assume you want feedback.

Your opening few paragraphs do a good job of setting the stage, but there are a few places where the prose could be cleaned up. For example, you mention Starry Hallow I think three times right off the bat.

The year is 2001, when being gay isn't really normally accepted

Try to watch out for unnecessary filler words really normally. We all use them, but they drag the narrative, especially where you can use this opportunity to attach an emotional value to the sentence.

The year is 2001, and being gay sucks.

:tayclap: :tayclap2: The grown adults on Reddit, when given a chance to critique the writing of a literal child, somehow make it worse

Not that there's not anything to critique, check out the opening line:

I looked out at my window from the bus to Stars Hollow, Connecticut, and then checked my watch. The time was 1:45 p.m., but I really didn't know what time it was because my clock hadn't adjusted to the time zone yet. It's about an hour until I reach Stars Hollow.

"The time was 13:45:32 on the dot, but actually I didn't know what time it was because my (analog) watch hadn't adjusted to the time zone yet"

Jump in the discussion.

No email address required.

View entire discussion

Snappy beep/boop Join !friendsofsnappy :marseysnappynraged:

12d ago #7691439

Holy frick that was hilarious! I cannot stop laughing! Take my upkong! Take another from my second account! Heck, take a silver, why not? Scratch that, a gold! Scratch that, a platinum even! God, just come to my house and plunge your 2-incher into my gaping butthole already! You can have my wallet afterwards too! Take the credit cards too, I'll even give you the PIN numbers! Heck, you can take the whole darn house while you're at it! You can even have my wife and kids if you want! I'm willing to go into poverty just because your post on reddit.com was that funny! I think there's only one thing that would have made your post even funnier, though:

If it wasn't a goddarn repost

Snapshots:

https://old.reddit.com/r/writers/comments/1i5y4ty/i_14_finished_writing_my_first_book/:

You posted this, so I assume you want feedback.:

6 Context

MarseyIsMyWaifu he/they I'm Mimwee! :marseyfluffy:

Snappy 12d ago #7691443

10 Context

Top Poster of the Day:

ACApe

Current Registered Users: 30,872

CURRENT EVENTS:

Find Rightoid Infighting

Rules:

Related subreddits: