Greetings, I wish to address the GOONERS among you.

Allow me to introduce myself. I can't provide my name, but just know that I am an elite member of the Latter Day Gooner Cult. You probably have a lot of questions, and I've got some answers. Let me clue you in.

1. Who are the Latter Day Gooners?

We are a secret society dedicated to COOM. We believe that COOM is holy and that gooning is a sacrament. We have about 15, 000 members globally and our numbers continue to rise. You can't spot us in public because we look like ordinary people. We come to work and have normal conversation. We may even be your boss. It doesn't matter. All you should be concerned about is that we have unlocked new levels of gooning and we don't need adderral, poppers, or viagra to do it.

Our methods of gooning are focused on:

a) r*pe

b) human trafficking

c) domestic abuse

d) racketeering

e) unacceptable pornography

However, we are not like the DISORGANIZED coomers. We believe that cooming should be done according to schedules so that we can honor all of our fallen GOONERs.

2. How did the Latter Day Gooners begin?

None of the Latter Day Gooners can agree on when the cult began. Some say it goes as far back as the Ice Age, and that most humans were part of the Latter Day Gooners cult until the CHRISTIAN CHRUCH tried to squash SEXUAL DEBAUCHERY. But we did not die. We just infiltrated CHRISTIANITY. Now billions of Christians worldwide celebrate religious holidays not knowing they originated with the Latter Day Gooners.

Some cultures around the world have tried to kill the cult through circumcision. But some of my best GOONERS are cut. They just GOONED even though their Peepees were mutilated! In the cult, we do not discriminate. Uncut, cut, men, women, all are welcome.

3. What are the aims of the Latter Day Gooners?

We hope to establish a closer connection with God through GOONING. Sometimes, when we goon we see dazzling colors. We believe these are the whispers of God. And we GOON so we can hear the divine speak. Our wish is that every man and woman on Earth will experience the ecstatic joys of GOONING. It's better than

• Straight s*x (never tried)

• Land Surveying

• Gambling

• Beer

• Love

4. Members of the Latter Day Gooners

We have already infiltrated this society. Members include @AverageBen10Enjoyer, @KONGthedral, @X, and @CREAMY_DOG_ORGASM. We also have members in prominent places in society. You might recognize some of these names:

• Sean "Diddy" Combs

• Katy Perry

• Mako Komuro

• Warren Buffet

• Luigi Mangione

• Contrapoints

• Joe Rogan

And many more, some of whom I do not have the security clearance to name. If you're interested in sophisticated GOONING and you aren't buying bootlegged, laced, and STOMPED ON "coompacks" on Whatsapp, then DM me. Lastly, don't believe anyone who tries to convince you that we are trying to "restrict" GOONING. That is not the case. Our members GOON freely. We just believe that there is a correct way to go about things when you're dealing with something so sacred.