BEST

For me it was many years ago when I finally finally got together with a lad I'd had a crush on for about 3 years. About 2 months after we started seeing each other he invited me to his house. Which is where he committed the unforgivable sin of picking up a broom and sweeping the kitchen floor.

this neighbor sweeping

I took a man to bed and in the throws of passion he bent me over and as he inserted I did the loudest most drawn out fanny fart in human history. Sounded like a ship coming in to dock. He went as limp as an under-cooked prawn instantly.

Hahahahahaha its called a queef u limey b-word

!fartneighbors vagina fart valid or naw?

Talked about a gay dating website and his obsession with bussy. Then said in a hush tone that "the capybara was a mussad spy" whatever that means. When the check came he threatened me with a "dorg" if i didn't pay.

GOOD

Interesting how many of these, despite being trivial, are somehow signifiers of unmanliness!

true

I spoke to a guy on the phone (from a dating site) - he said I made him chuckle. That was the end of the call for me.

LOL chuckle is such a straggy word almost as straggy as "lol".... IRONIC LOL!!!!!!

he had feminine hands

true

A boyfriend used to use the car indicator by gripping it between his thumb and index finger, with the rest of his fingers up in the air. It gave me the completely irrational ick.

true

I binned one because he smelled of nothing. No soap, no toothpaste, no body odour, no strags or beer or dust - nothing at all. It was like trying to communicate with a ghost.

It was worse than the one I binned for ordering decaf coffee. No, it isn't just the same only without the caffeine. Or the one I never even considered saying yes to a date with because he vaguely waved a teabag at a cup of watery milk from the opposite end of the staff kitchen before adding 4 heaped spoons of sugar.

true

Meeting in the nearest city and rang me to ask where he should park. Ick.

Went to eat at Ginos restaurant, you know the chain. Walked in and he called it posh. ick

Then while waiting for our food, told me he'd never tried wine. Ever. Ick ick ick

true

MADE ME ANGRY

I was instantly planning my exit from a guy who wore a hand knitted jumper his mum had made him on our second date 😂

i love my mom 😾

My husband says he's going to go and shower, instead of going to have a shower, and it is one of the many things that make me think I can't live with him much longer

if i am living with someone i do the same thing, so they have chance to go to the bathroom before hand.

its common courtesy when u r living with someone and only have 1 bathroom.

Went to a pub for first date. To pay for the drinks he got a little leather purse out of his pocket and counted out the coins. That shows you how long ago that was when you could buy two drinks with loose change. It was the careful way he counted it. It looked so miserly.

anti semitism!!!!

!jews