A Statistical Treatise on @zozbot, and Therein an Analysis of rDrama's Most Pressing Questions

I downloaded all of the comments of @zozbot to analyze the most important problem facing rDrama in this era: discrimination against the 'zle'. No doubt many of you have noticed this phenomenon during your time with this autism support community. I found one such case while cleaning the dataset: two months ago it had been noticed by @sirpingsalot, who pondered 'Why do people always find the full zozzle more satisfying?' Why indeed. This is what I have endeavoured to answer here: is the full zozzle more satisfying? Is it ribbed for her pleasure his bussy's pleasure and for yours? Just what exactly is wrong with the 'zle'? Does size matter, or is a mere 'zoz' enough? I hope this treatise can finally put these questions to rest.

At time of analysis, we find N = 3212 relevant comments, for a total of 1072 tripartite utterances, four of which lack a 'zozzle'—of which we shall speak more later. We begin with the summary statistics:

As one can clearly see, 'zle' averages 0.72 points less than the combined mean of 'zoz' and 'zozzle' (effect size d = 0.36, derived from a paired sample analysis), and it receives three times as many downvotes as either of its companions. I consider this irrefutable evidence that dramautists are zlephobes of the foremost degree, and we ought henceforth embark upon the institution of 'zle' reparations.

The other apparent fact is that 'zoz' is narrowly preferred to 'zozzle'. Unlike our vile and antiquated disdain for 'zle', we find a much more progressive acceptance—nay, celebration!—of the succinct, civilized, purposeful 'zoz' over the barbarous, engorged, tumescent 'zozzle'.

With our primary questions answered, we move onto a discussion of other curious phenomena discovered during this investigation. First, we look to the four missing zozzles, all of which occurred on the twenty-sixth day of December, in the year of our Lord two thousand and twenty one:

• https://rdrama.net/comment/1071676 — though @champion_of_zoz added one two months late, which is still at +1 | -0. One must wonder what sort of pathetic buttboy would be looking through months-old zoz comments to post such a thing. (Surely one will agree that your present correspondent is protected from any such accusations, seeing as my purposes are purely scientific.)
• https://rdrama.net/comment/1072869 — though @everyone added one within two minutes, which obtained a respectable +8 | -0, prompting @HELPdongerSHARKateMYboner to accuse him of being . @everyone then proclaims 'I'm zozbot now. Kneel, humans!', which is met with a reply of 'You can zozzle this butt '.
• https://rdrama.net/comment/1073204 — again, @champion_of_zoz two months late and still at +1 | -0.
• https://rdrama.net/comment/1073956 — a contemporaneous addition four hours late by @DuckPioneer reached +7 | -0. We see here also a prime example of the wrathful dramatard behaviour toward 'zle', which was voted to -5 out of the senseless rage against the missing zozzle, achieving a controversial +3 | -8.

This omission of the zozzle occurred because of the reckless disregard for proper database flushing exercised by @Aevann in commit 82d77d9 'dfsfds' which was subsequently fixed in b18fa7b 'fsd', though not until these four unfortunate perversions of the Most Holy Blessing of Zoz were produced by our beloved zozzer. Investigations of the code further reveal that all comments have a one in a thousand (0.001) chance of being zozzed. (Also, slots has an expected payout of 0.99; the house always wins.)

The last instance of the omission is the most recent of seven times that a zozbot comment has been voted controversial. All seven times were directed solely toward the 'zle', often when the 'zoz' and 'zozzle' received glowing praise. Each instance's scores are as follows: (+9, -2, +9), (+7, -6, +8), (+16, -8, +15), (+15, -1, +15), (+21, -2, +19), (+20, +9, +19), and (+3, -5, zozzle absent).

Finally, for the sake of completeness, we look to the two times when zozbot said something other than His appropriate words. In response to his being officially declared the #1 rDrama user, he exalted us, 'I have decided to bless you with my presence.' In response to Snappy calling someone a negroid retard, he parried, 'stfu retard ur literally made with javascript like a bitch lol'.

This brings my report to an end. We see that 'zle' is a second-class citizen among the pantheon of zozzes, and that 'zoz' is indeed better than the Full Zozzle. I thank you for your consideration of my bringing to you this Thoughtful and Complete analysis, and I hope that it may bring about needed change in our treatment of the unduly maligned 'zle'. «And Zoz said, Let there be zle: and there was zle. And Zoz saw the zle, that it was good: and Zoz divided the zle from the zozzle.»