pictured: most biblically literate redditor

Killing them with kindness

One thing that I see a lot of people get wrong when larping as Christians is that they lean really heavily into the Fire, Brimstone, and Holier-Than-Thou aspect of Christianity. And, yeah, that is a part of Christianity as a set of beliefs, but in general, that's not how most Christians act. I would actually say that the opposite set of behaviors is both more realistic and more seethe-inducing.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. - 1 Corinthians 13:13

Atheists don't realize just how much of the Bible is about love, because they generally have a viewpoint that God is an evil Hitler-esque dictator. And while an argument could be made that this is true, an argument could also be made that this is not true:

[16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.](https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=John 3:16&version=KJV) - John 3:16

After all, if God just wanted to toss us all into Heck, why send Jesus? Anyways, you might be wondering why being loving could induce seethe. Well, remember that redditors are absolutely fuming about Christianity as it is. You don't have to do anything else to make them angry - they already are extremely mad. So, how can you make them even madder? Well, the Apostle Paul explains the art of seethe:

[But If your enemy is hungry, feed him. If he is thirsty, give him something to drink. For in so doing you will be heaping fiery coals on his head.](https://www.biblegateway.com/verse/en/Romans 12:20) - Romans 12:20

Being friendly and charming when someone is already angry at you causes people to go absolutely ballistic. For one thing, you are completely ignoring their complaints, and acting like nothing is wrong. For another thing, it causes them to look like buttholes, because you aren't being mean to them, they are being mean to you. (of course, you are subtly egging them on - more on that later). It's also just really funny to watch someone get angry over someone literally not doing anything.

Egging them on

Now, while being outwardly friendly, we start to passive-aggressively tease them. Remember, the impetus behind your character talking to the redditor is on the one hand out of obligation (Jesus said to), but more importantly, pity. You (subconsciously) view them as a broken, pitiable thing that needs help, and you see sin as a symptom of the disease of sin.

One thing a lot of Christians do that inadvertedly causes seethe is blaming mental illness on the problem of sin (and, tbh, in some circumstances, they are right). Most notably, depression and anxiety. People are depressed because they keep trying to fill their soul with something that can't satisfy, but as a Christian, you aren't depressed because you have the love of Jesus in your heart. People are anxious because they don't have the certainty of Jesus - etc, etc. It's a pretty good bet that most redditors think they have muh depression, so you can just whip that one out anytime you want for a good bit of anger.

I can't prove this, but it is my feeling that part of the reason redditors hate Christians so much is because they are intimidated by how they perceive them to be, in general, better people. I mean, think about it. Christians don't smoke or jack off, two things that losers do. Christians have a reason to be friendly and charming, as opposed to your badass basement dweller. Christians do more for the community than Atheists, in terms of helping out (will an atheist bring you dinner when you are sick?) They tend to be hard workers, and be fiscally conservative. All this combined makes them, ironically, more sexually successful than your average redditor, because those are qualities that are attractive to women. Indeed, a lot of Christians get married young (no premarital s*x) and start pumping out babies ASAP (no contraception needed).

Annoying stereotypes/arguments

Here are some plausible stereotypes to embody that are sure to get a rise out of our euphoric brethren.

I Fricking Hate Science

If there's one thing redditors love, it's their hecking science and rationality. Well, the Christian has the perfect, seethe inducing answer to science - faith. Now, faith is a tricky word to define, but it can be summed up as "believing in something because you believe in it". IE, a refusal to change your beliefs. Christians may disagree with me on the specifics (there is this debate over "blind faith", ie I have faith that the sun will rise but I have reason to believe it) but I don't really care, I'm not here to preach a sermon.

The fact that Christians have no proof that God exists usually seems like the strongest slam dunk to atheists, which makes Faith so seethe-inducing. You completely refuse to acknowledge their strongest argument, while also invalidating their entire belief structure.

thank u based @Dramarama

You're only mad because you know I'm right

This one is a fun one. The bible says that everyone actually secretly knows that God is real, they are just in denial.

For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who by their unrighteousness suppress the truth. 19 For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. 20 For his invisible attributes, namely, his eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly perceived, ever since the creation of the world,[a] in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse. 21 For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. - Romans 1:18-21

Humorously, this verse reminds me of subs like /r/egg_irl, where people "figure out" that they are trans and just in denial. Atheists are akin to transphobes irl? Anyways, this verse is great for seethe because there are two possibilities. They either seethe because you are claiming that they are something they aren't, or they seethe because the verse makes them very worried (more likely). The intended effect is that people ask - am I in denial?

Jesus: Living Rent Free in your Heart

Okay, so this one is going to be trippy. One thing a lot of Christians experience is "the presence of God". It is, in short, an altered state of consciousness, in which a Christian "experiences" God. In fact, I have a theory that this experience, which is invoked by a variety of things, ie music, intense concentration, etc, is similar to the experience of LSD, without the hallucinations. Specifically, the concept of "Ego Death". I am not a druggie, so I have never done LSD, but it is a theory.

Anyways, a lot of people take this experience as absolute, 100% proof that God exists. This is funny for a couple of reasons. Firstly, it is bad evidence - it's a personal anecdote, and impossible to verify. Secondly, and more humorously, atheists simply cannot relate to what is being said, so they feel like they are missing out. Christchads take home another W, leaving atheists seething.

Apologetics for Trolls

Okay, so the bad news is that there are a lot of good critiques of Christianity. The good news is that your average redditor probably doesn't know these good critiques, and will mostly parrot what Rick and Morty says about it. There are a lot of resources for snapping back at easy atheist talking points. The best is probably CARM (The guy running CARM is a bit of a lolcow himself, but that's another story for another day). For HECKING SCIENCE, Answers in Genesis is pretty r-slurred, which makes for some good trolling.

Here's a few very, very common atheist arguments that continually resurface:

• "but the bible says u can't eat shellfish, why are you eating lobsters? checkmate." "well soyjak, these instructions were given to the Israelites, who were under the old covenant, but as Christians we aren't beholden to that, instead we are under the new covenant".

• "you know the bible talks about slaves. ha. you like slavery." "actually, soyjak, slavery in roman times was much different than in colonial times, and slaves were, in general treated much better than their modern counterparts. also, the bible neither explicitly endorses nor condemns slavery (IIRC), as Christianity did not have much political power in the Roman empire, instead instructing both master and slave to be good to each other in the system they operate in."

• "if God is so good why do bad things happen to good people?" "it's because sin entered the world because god gave us free will"

• "actually the bible is full of contradictions." "name one" (soyjak then looks up a list of biblical contradictions, and lists one. chad then looks up the same contradiction on a christian website, finds an explanation, and replies with the explanation. seriously, the bible is a finite set of verses, meaning that there are a finite number of possible contradictions - they've all be discovered and debated to death hundreds of years before you were born)

Again, the purpose of me telling you these isn't to convince you that Christianity is correct, but merely to demonstrate how to dab on brainlet atheists who think that they have a galaxy-brain. There are still some pretty good biblical difficulties - for instance, why did god order the destruction of entire states, including women and children? (tbh, they did live in a time in which such brutality was the norm and if they hadn't the messianic line wouldn't have made it to when jesus would have been born, but there are other ideas as well, and in general people nowadays aren't too keen on imagining less than ideal circumstances)

If someone really backs you in a corner with bible verses, remember that you can always just accuse them of taking it out of context and change the subject. This is a pretty foolproof technique and also generates seethe.

Beyond Reddit

It wouldn't be a HeyMoon post if I didn't dunk on the rightoids, so I will. There is a trend among the alt-right to claim to be BASED Christians. The thing about these BASED Christians is that they generally don't act like Christians or have any real understanding of what Christianity is outside of "Red Man Bad". Be sure to ask these people if they go to church, how often they read the bible, and how often they pray. Also be sure to ask them what they think about the fact that they literally worship a JEW. Also ask them why they hate [PEOPLE GROUP] if the Bible says to love their enemies.