Male-to-Locomotives discuss fellow trains acting like caricatures of women

That said, when I see trans women dressed excessively girly, inappropriately or almost in a costume (school girl outfits, Princess dresses, etc. etc.) I have trouble relating. It feels like this is enforcing negative trans stereotypes, and harming us as a group.

Logically, I know what other people do is unlikely to affect me, and my reaction is probably due to some remaining transphobia. Just a bunch of girls and women living their best lives and doing the things they always wanted to do but couldn't. I just have trouble squaring this away with my own feelings.

No hate on those enjoying themselves, I really am tempted to chalk this up firmly as a 'me' problem.

The TL:DR is that yes, it's a me problem. Trans women are beautiful and unique, it's our business what we wear, and haters are gonna hate anyway so I need to get over myself. And I promise I'm working on it.

OP trying so hard not to offend the hugbox, wonder what the commenters have to say:

I'm in my early 30s and dress like the goth girl I wanted to be when I was like 14. Frick the haters.

so brave!

Transwomen are just women. Cis women will dress up in girly outfits and school girl outfits to feel sexy, transwomen will do the same thing for the same reason. There's no difference between the two.

none whatsoever I'm sure, might as well drop the cis/trans labels

Also trans women often never had the chance to wear silly/princess outfits when they were younger unlike most cis women, so it's only fair they get to experience them while they have the chance, especially if it's something they've always wanted to wear Also I don't know if this is true, but trans girls going thru their second puberty because of HRT probably means sometimes they'll just act younger since they're experiencing their true adolescence for the first time, even if they're a few years older

hormones make you young again!

On your first point, I’ve been struggling with this so hard the last week or so. I just think of all the stuff I missed out on growing up. I can never get it back, and if I try people will see me like OP. Some over performative old dude trying to be girly. I’m not upset about the post or at OP, but I think you hit that head on.

learning to accept that you can't get your childhood back and moving on? nah, wear the outfit xueen

This is why trans only spaces online are so important. We need to be able to play in that space and gas each other up without taking shit from cis buttholes.

need safe spaces without c*s chuds telling us we're being "creepy" or "inappropriate"

Trans women not transwomen. Trans is just an adjective. You said cis women and not ciswomen, you should do the same for us.

It's a bit of a terf dog whistle implying that trans women are somehow a different type of woman.

It's clear this wasn't your intention, I just wanted to bring it to your attention, especially because of the difference in referring to trans and cis women in your comment.

That is a good point, thank you for sharing. In the privacy of a trans sub, what's the harm?

I think my issue is when I see this out and about, it isn't what I'd expect cis women to do. Of course, I've probably passed a hundred trans women without realising before I see one person like that... and again, it's really not any of my business. But I worry that when I dress feminine it'll just be seen as a costume.

op is noticing things

Don't fall into the trap of worrying about how the actions of others may affect the perception of the community as a whole. People know that stereotypes are bullshit.

This "performative hyper-femininity" is often used as a way to work through trauma from not growing up as their true gender. Its a way to make up for things they missed out on.

it's just trauma, chud!

I am a cis partner to MTF and I think some of this is stuff I've wrestled with personally. Some of the things my partner worries about or talks about related to physical appearance are things that 13-14 year old me would have resonated with but mid-30s me finds annoying. I'm also in recovery from an eating disorder and have had to really work on "ignoring" the parts of my physical appearance I am not crazy about. It's hard to be supportive when I'm having those feelings but it helps to remember she a) won't be going through this part of transition forever and b) didn't get to do it the first time.

mids 30s, dressing 13-14, perfectly valid and normal!

Literally the best thing about three queer community is acceptance. Any queer who doesn't get that is doing it wrong

Respectability politics ("they make us look bad") is complete trash and is the biggest reason for marginalisation of trans people in queer spaces and in LGBT activism. At its worst, it is masc 4 masc white gay men disowning trans women of colour for "looking weird" after the trans women did all the hard work getting rights for them. It's selfish, it's ahistoric, and it's bigotry, pure and simple.

not wanting creepers to represent you is bigotry

also, many (cis and) trans women feel they have to overperform femininity to be treated as their gender.

cis women need to pass too

For many of us that's the only way to get gendered properly in public. If I wear anything short of high femme they look right at me and call me a man even when my appearance has plenty of indicators. When I dress high femme is pretty much the only time I get to feel beautiful.

I get the sense that a lot didn’t have many female friends throughout their lives and that they mostly have their view of femininity from media.

So when it feels overly performative, that’s because it’s exactly that.

This is why I always very strongly think that people who want to be more feminine need to start by making and maintaining close meaningful relationships with cis women. Because that’s going to do more to develop unforced femininity than anything else will.