"I'm so fat I have blisters where my crotch rubs against my stomach: despite this I refuse to lose weight and talk of doing so is fatphobia."

"You should probably lose weight if that's what's recommended. It may be hard for you, but ignoring it as a solution will make things worse."

OP said, quote, "I'm recovering from an eating disorder" and expressed that replies reducing their struggle to "just lose weight" is causing extreme emotional distress.

OP was looking for empathy and more information that wasn't "just lose weight"

You chose to fire in with "why are u upset just lose weight"

Acknowledging that weight loss can be a solution for health problems alone isn't toxic.

You're a toxic butthole because you:

1. didn't read the room and fired in with the exact opposite of helpful information on an emotionally charged post seeking info about anything other than weight loss

2. were dismissive and invalidating of the heightened emotions OP was feeling

3. were dismissive of the fact that OP has extremely valid reasons to feel hurt, upset, and traumatized, and

4. decided responding with a message that boiled down to "just get over it and do the thing thats causing you severe distress" was appropriate when OP was clearly not in a stable place to do so healthily, running the risk of causing further deterioration of OPs mental health and also potentially triggering further disordered eating episodes

We're all fat here. We all know that losing weight will reduce some of the challenges we face. That is not the conversation right now because not everyone is ready or able to just lose weight right now.

The conversation was about validation and alternative solutions in the interim until OP is less escalated and more emotionally and psychologically stable. This conversation was about immediate solutions for treatment and prevention of skin wounds, and normalizing the fact that these skin wound occur frequently on fat peoples bodies.

Being a jackass and berating someone for feeling differently than you righr now about a long-term solution is not helpful, productive, kind, rational, or reasonable.

It is fine to think all fat bodies should lose weight. But you need to realize that there is a time and place where that advice is appropriate. AND the way you present that advice makes a massive difference.

"Why are u sad about being told to just lose weight its good advice"

And

"Hey, it sounds like you're really struggling with the recommendation to lose weight while you recover from your eating disorder. I've struggled with disordered eating too, and I understand where you're coming from. It can be really difficult to find a balance between mental health and healthy weight loss. Are you comfortable talking about some of the things youre struggling with? I have found that, although its really hard, working to lose weight in a healthy way has helped my mental and physical health when I was struggling like you are, and I'd like to help you"

SHOW MORE

Are both basically saying the same shit, but lo and behold, one approach is validating and doesn't make someone feel like human garbage for struggling. The other is how you came across in your comment.

There is a reason why just solutions-based therapy without the validation and emotional piece fails spectacularly for a lot of people. Just giving harsh advice when someone is too emotionally elevated or distressed to act on the advice in a healthy and meaningful way doesn't work for a lot of folks.

I appreciate that you're trying to be helpful, but the way you're going about it is counterproductive. Instead of coming across as supportive and empathetic as someone who has been in close enough situation where you should be able to relate, you come across as abrasive, self-righteous, and condescending. Being harsh and patronizing isn't going to ingratiate you to anyone. It makes people dislike you and discount your advice, regardless of how good or well intentioned you actually are.

I'm sorry that you've struggled with your own mental health and disordered eating. I appreciate that you are also a fat person trying to be helpful. And I hope that you can realize that the issue isn't with your support for fat bodies losing weight — its with your lack of tact, lack of reading comprehension with respect to the actual point of the posts, your attitude, and your inability to read the fricking room.

But hey. I encourage all commenters to never feel down about being called out for being an butthole. You're going to feel down because it's hard out there but always do your best to overcome it. Ignoring our lack of empathy and emotional impact on others will make things worse.