If you were elected as the Governor of your state, what kinds of dramatic nonsense would you do?

• Audit of all homeless programs followed by prosecution of those caught. Claw back as much of the stolen money as we can by seizing their homes.

• Everyone on Metro is hassled by the state troopers nonstop until they drastically increase the area zoned for studio and 1 bedroom apartments.

• Establish a temporary camp in the desert where tweakers are sent to cool off until congress appropriates money for new jails.

• Until enough public defenders have been hired to do normal trials, do El Salvador-style mass trials for criminals who are caught red-handed. Like if they're found in public with drugs or they shoplift right in front of the cameras.

• Take a massive shit right in the middle of Lake Oswego.

Declare Wisconsin a sovereign state, then build border walls between us and Minnesota/Illinois.

At the border crossing, residents of those states will receive a stamp in their passport that says GO FUCK YOURSELF.

All Subaru crossovers, Rav4s, and CR-Vs will be banned from interstates.

Anti-speed cameras. If you're going slower than 60 and there's more than a 1/4 mile gap ahead of you, $300 fine.

Noise cameras. I want to relax in the backyard without listening to a bunch of zoomers revving their crotch rockets to 15,000rpm constantly.

Cruise control usage is mandatory. Matching the speed of a vehicle as you pass it is grounds to be TVI'd by a good samaritan

All homeless will be offered help. If they are still homeless in a month, they will be dumped into Lake Michigan.

Retail theft is punishable by removal of a hand.

Auto theft is punishable by removal of a foot.

Insulting my cats is punishable by removal of the tongue.

Self-checkout will require a competency exam. You will be tested on average scan rate, ability to locate barcodes, time to key in POTATO, time to clear an unexpected item fault, and time to remove bags. Once the receipt has finished printing, you have 15 seconds to load the rest of your groceries and move out of the way, or it automatically charges you a $5 dilly-dallying fee.

As governor of California I would provide a final solution to the PG&E and Southern California Edison questions by arresting their board members, seizing their assets, and converting them into publicly-run utilities. I would also order an audit for all NGOs operating in the state, ban any that consistently failed to deliver on their projects, and outlaw NGO networks (NGOs would not be allowed to funnel money into other NGOs without proof they provided goods and services in return used directly towards their declared projects).