.webp?h=8 "Merry Fistmas!")
The fricking cwowld metwl slid owor my skin like silk sliding 
dwown a fricking banyister. It dwoesn't take much pwessure wen u have a fricking sharp 
razwor. Bwood came pwouring immediatewy. That's a fricking gwood sign - the fricking deep cuts are fricking bwight white 
and take a fricking minyute two start bleeding. I am onye with the fricking pain because I deserve it fwor being worthless and a fricking piece of shit and a fricking bad perswon.
Am I bwoken that my mind cwonstantwy instwucts mwe two self-mutilate, b-word? It feels 
like there's a fricking gwoblin in my head (the Gwueswome Gwoblin) cwonstantwy egging mwe on two dwo the fricking nyeedfwl and start slicing. Can anyonye relate, b-word? I knyow I'm gwoing two dwo it again twomworwow and it's gwoing two be wose. The fricking cycle's begun again.
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You're working on overcoming a really difficult and intractable issue. It's normal that you're going to have lapses, especially at first. You're doing all that you can with pursuing treatment so don't get too down on yourself for messing up sometimes. It's the general trend that matters. (I have a similar difficulty with alcohol)
In 5 years if you keep up your treatment you can find yourself completely free from this torment. Don't give up just because you made one mistake.
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