We are now less than one month away from the start of the new season and as such we can officially stop pretending to care about international football. Last season's winners were a tie between @HetsAreFeds and
@Avalon, unfortunately my prediction was way off as Conte turned out to be a bald fraud with a hairpiece. This season will be different though I assure you. 1000 Marseybucks to whoever was closest at end of season.
1. Tottenham (Kane stays, Madison is the long awaited Modric replacement, Son comes back to form, Llorris no longer in net thank god, no europe to worry about can focus 100% on domestic, if the backline gets improved they might even do the double but don't want to get too optimistic)
2. Manchester City (Haaland sophomore slump and probable injury, team in general lacking motivation as they've won everything already)
3. Manchester United (I like ETH. Onana is as good a DDG replacement one could find, they have some really great players, particularly Bruno Fernandes has always impressed me, feel like if they can finally put it all together again they could even win the league this season but for now third feels right.)
4. Liverpool (Fabinho, Firmino, Hendo and possible Thiago exits leave Liverpool midfield in question again, but I believe in Klopp, they'll make some moves and be up there in the thick of it once more.)
5. Arsenal (Declan Rice overrated, the English love to hype up their own. You can find a player like him for 10-30 million in Italy, Spain, Germany etc., Arsenal are a young squad who will be playing with the expectations that last season's 2nd place finish bring, I don't think they live up to them.)
6. Chelsea (Poch contracts HIV after it is revealed his wife has been cucking him for years with a series of POZZED BVLLS, losses his hair, kills himself shortly after getting the sack. Chelsea rebound in time to finish sixth but it is all for not as new FA anti-racism rules forces the club to dissolve shortly after the season ends. Chelsea supporters are round up en masse and executed humanly.)
7-17. Who Cares
18. Sheffield United (Managers last name is Heckingbottom, nah)
19. Bournemouth (why is this still a thing frick off already)
20. Luton Town (kek)
Last seasons predictions can be found here
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Now that game week one is over I'd say
1. Chelsea (unimaginable hopium going on here but I unironically feel hopeful for a high finish - realistically I should be putting them 3rd but I believe).
2. Arsenal (I expect total gunnery collapse. I don't think they've shaken off last season's end-of-year collapse mentally and as much as I love him I have no real confidence in Havertz even in his "correct" position. Rice will be their only saving grace IMO).
3. Newcastle (I think they'll continue with and improve last season's form - They'll hiccup due to Europe however, especially around Christmas).
4. City (I think they'll choke this season - an oft-repeated story vis-a-vis City but I don't regard them as being strengthened and while Haaland is a robot he's not a god.)
5 . Tottenham (This is highly contingent on a lot but if within the next 15 days Levy decides to bless Ange with any sort of attacking talent he'll cook as the urban youth say today. If not disregard this and I expect Spurs to be 6th.)
6. United (if the plan this season is truly going to be a Mount - Bruno midfield it's unironically over. I still hold Mount isn't a midfielder he's a forward and that showed this match just played. ten Hag might be able to beat him into shape but I have little belief of that. If he can or United find another solution then swap them with Spurs IMO).
7. Brighton (l regard them as a better Everton tbh. I might be surprised but nothing tells me they've gotten much stronger over the summer).
8. Liverpool (this is mostly just to make the top an even number. They need a DM obviously but they need a CB too. The part of the game we dominated was the part where we prevented pass to Salah and Inishallah and that can't be Pool's hope for this entire season. If they get what they need drop everyone from Tottenham down by 1. If they only get a papering of the cracks then only drop Brighton down 1. I actually almost forgot them and put West Ham here. Mea culpa).
9th - 16th. Dunno
17. Everton (will still circle the drain this season coming ever closer).
18. Nottingham Forest (The Everton sacrifice for this season)
19. Luton (I'm expecting a burst into form post-January once they figure out the lay of the league that won't be enough to save them).
19. Sheffield United (last).
!football Transfer window closes in 16/17 days so prediction may still be withheld but GW1 is over as well so make yours.
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I still believe!!!
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Also,
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Some people are able to display their intelligence by going on at length on a subject and never actually saying anything. This ability is most common in trades such as politics, public relations, and law. You have impressed me by being able to best them all, while still coming off as an absolute idiot.
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