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jamal_ginsberg they/them  9mo ago (reddit.com) 1,452 thread views #258348

Instead of crying and vague signals, a women speaks directly and her boyfriend follows thru. Twox ponders why

https://old.reddit.com/r/TwoXChromosomes/comments/1btkqs4/has_anyone_noticed_that_their_male_partners/ 

								

								

									
									
Has anyone noticed that their male partners respond better if you just ask for the thing you need with no context or explanation than they do if you explain why it's important to you and your relationship? It's almost like they don't care about what you're feeling, and just want a checklist.
I've been fed up with by boyfriend for not doing certain things for most of our relationship (texting me first, planning dates, complimenting me, etc.), and it wasn't uncommon for me to break down crying begging him to just send me a sweet message once a day, or plan a date, or give me a compliment more specific than "you're cute".
I always see men complain that women communicate poorly, so to avoid being that girl I'd always explain what I'm feeling, why i feel that way, and what I'd like to change going forward. I've been told in very articulate and an amazing communicator by my therapist, parents, friends, bosses, etc. so I know it wasn't a lack of conveying the right idea on my end. Sometimes he'd respond by shutting down completely and then I'd have to comfort him, reassuring him that I love him and I just need this one relatively minor thing to feel satisfied in our relationship. Other times he'd say he understands and wants to do better, but then nothing would ever change for more than a day or two.
One day I was feeling really sad and uncared for because he'd been spending every free hour he had playing final fantasy (over 100hrs in 2 weeks) for the past 2 weeks, but I didn't have the energy to have another rough conversion where I'm being very vulnerable, begging for a basic need, and then having him stonewall me. I decided I just wouldn't, so I texted him "can we go on a real date tomorrow?" He just said "yeah!" and planned us a really nice date.
I told my mom about this and she said that my dad was the same and she'd beg him to help with me and my sisters but he'd just shut down, or ignore her, or complain, until a friend of hers said "try making a to-do list." She wrote one and he did everything on it without complaining. After she started putting it on a list and asking without expressing any emotion, he did closer to his fair share.
On one hand, I'm hoping that realizing this will help me communicate better with my partner. On the other hand, if you love someone, wouldn't you be more motivated to do something if you know it's important to him?
Are men really just so simple minded? I don't know how to feel about this.


									
								

							

							

								
									
								
							

							

								
	

							

						

						
						

							

								
							

						

					

					
						

							
							
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I'm gonna hit you with some awful male truth. Take it or leave it.
Men do love the women in their lives, but not how women love people in their lives. We ARE simple creatures. All of this feeling and emotion that you are needing is way too much for us because we aren't this needy. We don't understand how women can be so needy. I mean, we do, but don't understand why it is necessary in order to be happy. We can be happy with almost nothing so we get confused that you can't do that too. Almost like something is "wrong" with women. Of course not true as women are just different than we are, but all of this emotion seems like a waste of time when it is so simple for us to be content. Women's emotions make that simple process very complicated.
Enter the list! Now you're talking my language! Lists are easy! Simple, even. It's not that I don't understand or value my partner's emotional needs, it's just that I sometimes lose the motivation to care because, as mentioned above, a lot of it seems unnecessary to me. Almost to the point that it comes off as women creating problems to solve for the relationship. How crazy, right? Not crazy at all, but I am attempting to give you insight as to how a lot of us think.
Therefore I disagree with the top comment that you are "still bearing the emotional load" despite the list "working". There might be other men that fake it better than others, i.e. yours truly, but, deep down, most straight men feel this way. We love you and all, but we are so different. Women on this sub have crazy expectations that men are supposed to come all the way over to your emotional side in order to be good partners when most of us don't have a personal need for this level of emotional support. You'd find better emotional support through therapy or other women. As long as your partner truly does love and respect you then I would reconsider depending on him for your every emotional need. We are not good at this and generally do not like being involved that heavily into these matters. There are exceptions and gray areas that I'm glossing over with these generalizations mind you.
I hope this helps you better understand men. It helped my wife a ton. She sees a therapist from time to time and our relationship improved once she realized this truth. She knows I love her, but I am not wired to be her sole emotional relief valve. Men are not wired like you are. The quicker we all realize this, the happier we both shall be.
The most helpful advice thats ever been given on the sub, said in a way 2x foids can understand, with terms like "emotional labor" and "therapy", and its at -7
2x foids cant handle the truth

						


						
							

							

								
									
								
							


							

								
	

							


							

								

									

										
										

									


								
						

					
				


				

				
					
	

	
		

			
		


		

			

				
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I'd also say men can be happy with almost nothing because they get nothing like the emotional support women get. Men don't need as much the same way some animals have evolved to process their nutrients as efficiently as possible because of their scarcity.
I have a theory that one of the sources of :marseytrain2:s is men who want that level of emotional support and attention women get, and it's only possible if they 'become' a woman. They're the ones who fetishise emotional instability, crying all the time, etc. because they see women like the reddit OP and want that freedom to be a crying wreck.

						


						
							

							

								
									
								
							


							

								
	

							


							

								

									

										
										

									


								
						

					
				


				

				
					
	

	
		

			
		


		

			

				
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Men don't need as much the same way some animals have evolved to process their nutrients as efficiently as possible because of their scarcity.
:marseyxd: trvthnvke

						


						
							

							

								
									
								
							


							

								
	

							


							

								

									

										
										

									


								
						

					
				


				

				
					
	

	
		

			
		


		

			

				
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or other women.
women need women friends and mothers and sisters to vent to.  10/10 all of them, or we get threads like this.

						


						
							

							

								
									
								
							


							

								
	

							


							

								

									

										
										

									


								
						

					
				


				

				
					
	

	
		

			
		


		

			

				
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>or we get threads like this.
Isn't that what that thread is though lmoa, women venting to each other

						


						
							

							

								
									
								
							


							

								
	

							


							

								

									

										
										

									


								
						

					
				


				

				
					
	

	
		

			
		


		

			

				
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literally doesn't count if it's not in-person

						


						
							

							

								
									
								
							


							

								
	

							


							

								

									

										
										

									


								
						

					
				


				

				
					
	

	
		

			
		


		

			

				
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Men are not wired like you are.
Implying that men aren't LITERALLY the same as women is hate speech and deserves more downmarseys than it already got  :marseysoyseethe:

						


						
							

							

								
									
								
							


							

								
	

							


							

								

									

										
										

									


								
						

					
				


				

				
					
	

	
		

			
		


		

			

				
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This entire thread is about how men don't act like we women would, but there's literally no difference between men and women chud. Any man who doesn't think like a woman is just a bad person. Asking my boyfriend to do something is emotional labor and it's literally domestic abuse that he can't read my mind.

						


						
							

							

								
									
								
							


							

								
	

							


							

								

									

										
										

									


								
						

					
				


				

				
					
	

	
		

			
		


		

			

				
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