Refinery29: Polyamory and Pumpkin Pies in Seattle

nonsense with some /h/peakpoors. For those that have never ran across the Money Diaries website, they breakdown the daily spending of a city dwelling woman and almost always pivot into vehicles of relationship drama. I recommend reading it all to really absorb the self-importance and keep in mind this was posted December 2019. Four whole months before the lockdowns.

Occupation: Project Coordinator

Industry: Public Health

Age: 28

Location: Seattle, WA

Salary: $60,000

Gender Identity: non-binary (they/them please!)

5 a.m. — My wife's first alarm goes off and she returns to bed for our daily snuggle sesh. I've been out of the country for the last ten months and just got home two weeks ago, and so it feels extra special to have her next to me. After we get up, my wife and I visit my girlfriend's bedroom and hang out for a minute while the cats beg us for attention like they were just rescued from a deserted island. Missed this, too. I catch the bus for work and smoothly make my transfer. I've only been at work for about a week, so this is a big deal, y'all. We've all sat down and talked budget, but until I see my first paycheck this coming Monday, it's tough to nail down a budget. I've spent the last six years lurching from job to grad school to temp job to fellowship, and so I didn't have much of a financial cushion when I left. My wife is a pro with money, and I'm working to change my habits so I can be the partner that she deserves. The numbers look hopeful.

I'm working on my budget on the bus. I had a big stipend from my university for ten months of world travel that I just came home from, but I spent all of it. Plus $700 on a line of credit. Plus my wife had to float expenses for me sometimes. Plus my girlfriend bought my last flight. Seeing it all written out like that feels awful, but it's the facts of the matter and I'm trying to face them.

28, in debt, and a confusing living situation. Her wife and girlfriend appear to have been living with each other while she was away? I'll go ahead and spoil the crazy revelation that all her problems are due to this stupid relationship dynamic she has going on.

5 p.m.— I get home at 5 and our Imperfect Produce box is here! As I'm unpacking the box, my girlfriend texts my wife and I to tell us that she's given notice at her job. This is....not my favorite. She's a tech world drop out and comes from a family that has a lot of money, so she has a pretty significant safety cushion. At the same time, she didn't work and was on disability for year, and has spent two years bouncing through a long series of jobs she thought would be a better fit. She's entered a new field that has a lot of job opportunities, but I feel like after years of instability I'm ready to have both of my relationships exist with financial stability.

OP is having second thoughts on the girlfriend since it's not really clear how she is going to buy shit for her.

My girlfriend heads out to yoga and I continue working on the plan for thanksgiving. It's our first Thanksgiving together, and it's been a saga to get here. My parents offered to come to Seattle because I've been traveling so much lately, and negotiating plans between my wife, girlfriend, and family gets really complicated. My parents know about my girlfriend and they've all met very briefly on a handful of occasions, but they aren't comfortable having a meal with her. It sucks. I work out a menu, schedule, and shopping list for nine people that meets everyone's dietary needs, social anxieties, and the restrictions of our small kitchen. My wife comes home from her date with her girlfriend and mentions something about her girlfriend and my family's beloved pie recipe, and I can tell this is going to be A Thing. I head out on the bus to do some errands, seething just a little.

I check the price of turkey at PCC to see if we can afford to get a good quality one. Their turkeys start at FIFTY-EIGHT DOLLARS, so I guess not. I get a slice of pizza ($3.50) to console myself. I've arranged to pick up some sumac from a neighbor through the Buy Nothing Project so I don't have to buy an expensive spice I'm not sure I'll use more than once. I come home and launch into a fight with my wife. Of course, it's not really about the pie. Polyamory means being upfront with your deep fears and insecurities, and it can be pretty tough to have to hash that out with people you love. I cry, a lot. We work it out. I order Taco Bell on Grubhub for the feelings. I thought I had 11 dollars in credit, but apparently not. It comes out to be more than I thought it would be, but whatever ($22.30 for dinner for two). 25.80

The girlfriend is revealed to have been wanting to steal the family's super secret pie all along. OP unloads on wife about. There are more thanksgiving drama posts including the brother pricing out the throuple by going to a fancy restaurant.

11 a.m.— We wake up gloriously late. My wife makes me excellent pancakes for breakfast, and we chill for a bit. My girlfriend took the car we all own together last night to see her girlfriend and isn't home way past when we agreed she'd be home so I could use the car. This is not my favorite, so I talk it out with my wife. She makes the very good point that my wanting her to be more reliable is probably related to my wanting myself to be more reliable, especially with money.

I have a meeting with the lead on the project I'm on and it's exciting to hear that there will be more on my plate soon. He gets my pronouns wrong despite me having them in my signature line, introducing myself to his team with them, and being introduced to the entire department (twice with them). I chat briefly with my supervisor and we come up with a good plan to address this.

And two completely random bits:

2 p.m. — I catch myself in the bathroom mirror and realize that my nipples are 100% erect and 100% visible through my shirt. I had a breast reduction a year back for gender reasons and am still learning about when my new chest is and is not visible. I immediately buy a pack of bralettes from Fruit of the Loom and resolve that work = bra from now on. Traveling around the world was not a bra-required occasion, but what you can get away with in Hanoi doesn't fly in Seattle.

I wake up and quickly get ready post wife snuggles. I head to work and do some bus googling on deer hunting, which is a hobby I'd like to get in to. I think it's really important to be honest with yourself about where your meat comes from if you choose to eat it, and I'd much rather eat meat I shot and cleaned myself than from a factory farm. Washington has an online hunter's education class that's only $19.99, and my aunt has some deer rifles she has offered to let me use any time. What I'd really like to hunt is feral hogs. Those don't exist in Washington, so I go down the rabbit hole of looking at guided hunting vacations. The most expensive I find is $1,300 for two days in California and the cheapest is $400 for two days in Oklahoma (including an OPEN BAR). Weekend getaway to Oklahoma in 2020? I think yes.

Barely made it a week before planning to blow $1,000 on a vacation hunting feral hogs (did a double take on this one).