My ex husband MK-Ultra'd me and idk how to feel about it

Putting violence death content warning but also drug abuse I suppose.

My ex husband forced me to take 2 or 3 hits of acid and then interrogated me about supposedly cheating on him at work.

The only way I can describe the feeling is like my brain was being sucked into a black hole. I could literally feel the grips of my sanity slipping as he hammered me about people at work while I was coming up into an insane trip. I was terrified and my crying and begging him to stop if he loved me went unheard.

I've blocked out a lot of the details but after he was done terrorizing me, just to give some context on how intense the trip was, I was under a blanket and could see things pushing against the fabric trying to get me. And, I could see skulls with eyes all around me circling me and when I closed my eyes everything was the same. I couldn't escape.

I was pretty fond of hallucinogenics but I haven't touched them since. I'm pretty traumatized by it and I'm realizing that I'm not okay and probably need help. I hold down a job okay and am a high performer but I have a lot of anxiety about disappointing people and some deep seated trauma that makes it hard to trust people.

He also held a gun to my head while I was in the backseat of the car and threatened to kill me and drag my body down the road.

He choked me out, lifting me off my feet and I thought I was going to die.

Introduced me to hard drugs and needles.

Idk. I just needed to tell someone. Thanks Reddit. I'll schedule with a therapist, scouts honor. I'm not feeling any type of way right now I just recognize I need help and my "laugh it off" mentality about the whole thing can only take me so far. And I really wanted to talk about it but don't want to trauma dump.