All my 4chans post on the Happiest Apocalypse on Earth

The park is fortunate enough t have real life mermaids! Unfortunately there’s no mermen and so they’re planning to grab the teenybopper Justin Beiber-esque Pop star performing at the park on Saturday and keep him as a love slave in the flooded tunnels. Management catches wind of this, and wants you to stop it. Management really doesn’t want Johnny Hearththrob to disappear on company property, but you’re also not allowed to hurt the mermaids as they are a rare and endangered species. They also look like this, and use their song to make brainwash people into perceiving them as attractive. Worst case scenario, apart from drowning and failure, is the mermaids deciding one of the players is a suitable substitute. Management is not averse to handing employees over to the cold loving grasping of the fish-apes.