WARNING: EXTREMELY BORING AND PERSONAL BLOGPOST AHEAD, I HIGHLY SUGGEST YOU DO NOT READ IT UNLESS YOU'RE A 
OR MY FRIEND. THANK YOU.
i debated whether or not to make this post but ultimately decided i should lay out my reasons for (attempting) to quit using the site again, if only to get one last good dose of attention, maybe get some finality, and exist as a cautionary tale. this is not a "frick you userbase" post or insistence for the administration to do anything about the sites content or userbase, simply my logic for why i think i personally should stop using it. i would also generally advise other trans people to avoid the site as well but i know plenty of people who do get something out of reading chud shitholes (seriously i see so many ovarit/kf screenshots on tttt reddit its insane).
anyway i have the big depression. i'm not the most suicidal i've ever been and i'm not considering self harm but i would describe my mental state as seriously fricked up bros. this means more bedrotting, more binge eating, more lapses in executive function, more isolation. i've also for the first time in my short 27 year timespan on this earth actually dug more into these feelings and analyzed them, though this has not lead to any great understanding or an "a-ha" moment on my part. at best it's made me relate more to the stereotypical descriptions of depression and dysphoria. i'm not gonna go too deep into that because its embarrassing tbh. in the past i haven't really considered rdrama to be a major factor in this. a contributor to be sure but i always thought i got more out of it than it took for me. maybe that was delusion or maybe i was just better at tanking the damage in the past. maybe i just took enough and longer breaks and i was never cut out for using the site for an extended period of time. idk. here's some conjecture for why i think its particularly bad for me now:
1) half the country despises my existence and while this fact has always been true it hasn't been as relevant. this leads to me being inundated with a double dose of hatred shoved into my face, first when i see the news elsewhere and again when i browse rdrama. and yes i know nothing ever happens and im being hysterical and yadda yadda yadda. nobody can take my HRT away from me, diy exists. nobody (besides immigrants) is going to be put into camps, things will get better it'll just take time. doesn't mean it's not scary. should i be scared boymoding in a red state? probably not but seeing a news article about kim reynolds trying to legally declare me subhuman certainly isn't fricking helping me not be scared.
2) rdrama has just continued to go on a downward spiral? being someone who started using 4chan at age 12 in 2010 and was constantly called out for being a newstrag, i never really bought into "communities degrade over time" rhetoric. mainly because people are always saying shit is getting worse and i was either too dumb to recognize it or part of the problem myself in the past. but anyway. its definitely a thing with rdrama. a lot of users i liked or at least recognized as someone worth my time have been banned or left the site. and the people coming in to replace them are not the best and brightest. its just. i really really don't care if youre a chud. like yes seeing your ignorant opinions about certain topics does tend to make me flare up with angst, but i really try to not take it too seriously and just have a fun time. it just feels like people aren't coming here to have a fun time or shoot the shit about hobbies or do a little casual reddit trolling. it feels like they're coming here to make themselves and everyone around them miserable.
3) i have better social avenues elsewhere. i'm not talking about tttt because i don't think i'll ever feel like i fit in there, but i do have a friend now who i feel like is on a similar wavelength to me. and interacting with that person has made me realize i have so much more me to express than i am capable of doing on rdrama. its a rather dire comparison that has made me realize more and more how fricking stupid i am for putting up with this for so long. i said it the other day, lonely people tend to act deranged, and it turns out having your sole social outlet be a website full of people that hate you is pretty fricking deranged. being surrounded by people that hate me has been my modus operandi for a long time (much longer than i've been on rdrama), and only now am i realizing how fricked up that is. i'm not conceited enough to say i'm finally growing up, but i do think this time is a little bit different. idk we'll see i guess lmao
thats that. i'll respond to comments here but after that im outie 5k, gonna log out everywhere and scramble my password again. i once again do not know how to end this post
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Sorry Hon I've been reading Heidegger I have no concern for the idle brain rot of t-girls anymore srs yall need to learn how not to all act like the exact same fricking person its annoying and not cute or feminine or whatev else you think it is
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
I am not following what you are seeing, what teats is showing here seems to be just human condition
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Im just being mean because I felt like it
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Oh!! I should have known you were baiting when you said you were reading Heidegger.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
More options
Context
More options
Context
Im not trying to be cute and i believe im extremely masculine
Regardless you have every right to call me out and im sorry for being a shithead to you specifically
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Sometimes I feel a great desire to be evil and mean
srry teats. SO long and thanks 4 all the fish
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
More options
Context
I don't understand it either. And if any of us don't think the same way we get branded as "pick me"s.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
More options
Context
Well stop it, then. Doing something with your time besides being terminally online should at least help with that.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
i keep telling
@ticktocktrainbutbigsad to go for a walk when it's nice out but she never does 
unironically go hiking and look at some trees
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
I used to go on walks all the time when i lived right next to a trail that had some nice woods to chillax in. There are trails near me now but theyre farther away and more surrounded by suburbia. I really fricking hate walking next to a busy street in particular. Way too visible.
This doesn't stop me from just taking 3am walks of course so i have no good excuses other than severe lack of motivation and the fact that its winter rn. Your encouragement isnt gonna be the final straw for that but thanks for trying anyway.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Your mental well-being is more important than what randos think of you.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
You need to walk when the sun is out my friend!
If you post proof of walking 40+ km next week I'll give you all my Marseybux. !remindme 8 days
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
I will be messaging you on 10.02.2025, 18:10 UTC to remind you of this comment
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
More options
Context
More options
Context
More options
Context
More options
Context
God bless and Godspeed, get you a space somewhere less insane.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
This site is run by the people who were behind Ruqqus's downfall. It shouldn't be surprising that they're banning people for bad reasons and putting bad behavior on a pedestal.
I don't know what to say about people hating you. It somehow doesn't bother me that much, maybe because I dealt with Reddit mods for several years, and since then far-left SJWs have continued to treat me much worse than actual Nazis (and I mean ACTUAL Nazis, not Trump supporters). And that's not to say the latter doesn't hate me. I also feel like it's kind of understandable because of how crazy the trans advocates have gotten over the past few years, and expecting humans to not think in terms of groups and associations is unfortunately unrealistic. And real dysphoria hurts way worse than mean comments on the internet.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
Do what's best for you we'll miss you we don't hate you see you in six months
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
I hope this means you're leaving
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
people don't hate you.
people just don't give two fricks about you. they don't think about you at all. I honestly dont know which of the trans you are on rdrama. welcome to being human - you're not a main character in the world. it's a pill almost everyone has to swallow eventually.
good job on getting a friend. just be careful to not drive them away by suffocating them with your issues
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
See you later
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
Happy for you
Don't forget to sleep ttt
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
Can i have your dramacoin
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
I goombled it :/
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
!slots900
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
!slots900
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
!slots121
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
!slots242
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
More options
Context
More options
Context
More options
Context
More options
Context
Yeah sure
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
More options
Context
Good luck hon.
The fact you're actually doing things about your depression instead of just wallowing in it and being all "woe is me" is a good sign.
You'll figure something out one day.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
get a tumblr or something
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Yeah i really should seems like all the good homestuck fans are on there
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
I can DM you some blogs to follow if you want
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Sure
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
More options
Context
More options
Context
More options
Context
True but people are fricking gonna be seethers about it regardless also I just got kicked out of costo death to the fricking Amerikkkan Empire.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
How the heck did you get kicked out of Costco, did you run around and turn on all their tvs full blast
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
More options
Context
You should rejoice that being this whiny and passive aggressive is extremely feminine.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
I'm only gonna respond to a specific part because I have nothing worthwhile to add and hugboxing you won't help. Alas, I sincerely hope you find peace and see some improvement with the depression. It's not an easy thing to kick in the arse at all.
A lot of people here seem quite intent in separating their personal lives from their rDrama lives. I think it's a form of escapism - come here after another crappy day, get some anger out and detach from it all. A lot of shit is said that isn't necessarily meant (I'm not excusing chuddery here, btw, that's a separate thing). If you merge the two, then rDrama starts to lose its original purpose for those users.
I think some of it also stems from fear of doxxing. Why open up about yourself when some deranged weirdo can come along, find your identity and mess up your personal life because of silly comments on the orange cat gay dating forum? This really only seems to happen to power users, but every time it happens it's messy.
I know that Aevann and the other jannies are trying to reform the site's culture, which I applaud, but it's gonna take a while for mindsets to change.
Another is that a lot of people here probably have poor socialisation tbh.
There are some really interesting people here, but they only reveal minute details about themselves in deep 2-upmarsey comment chains that are nearly a day old. Even then, I found they really only open up in private messages. There's a big divide between the public facade of a user and their real, private selves.
Of course, I'm not talking about all users, nor trying to excuse their behaviour. Some here genuinely do just suck.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
Noooooooo don't go, we all love you sooooo much
(post hog)
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
society has become too hugboxing.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
you gotta duel me on yugioh first c'mon. tomorrow?
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
most ppl dont hate you the person but trans the ideology ur just taking it personell kid beccause you've latched onto the ideology as an identity
you literally made ityour whole personality
find some way to turn all that misplaced energy into something useful
be known for what you can do, not what you are
I became better at art all because birds frick me up like wht womens clothes do to you
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
L
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
I'm sorry you are suffering. I hope you are able to build more meaningful connections elsewhere.
I'm cheering for the walls closing in on
s because a correction was desperately needed, even though it's going to make my life harder. I wish it could have come sooner and in a gentler way, but I'm also relieved because the further it went, the worse it was going to be. The hate building up is not unjustified, but the people who get hurt are seldom the ones who deserve it. This has gone on so long, and so far, that the backlash is utterly terrifying, even sitting in a blue state.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context