Personal drama thread

I’m at work rn and I can’t storytime but here’s a bidenball.

Most of my actual amusing stories involve a lot of felonies that are not past their statute of limitations, remind me in like 4 years or so.

I absolutely am a morbidly obese neurodivergent neet shut in. And proud of it

For some motivation, everyone that posts a story longer than 500 words gets a shit posting award. I can do this because I'm a peepeetator and you should feel my power.

A couple years ago I had made a habit of stream sniping hearthstone streamers (children’s card game) which allowed me to score free wins off them while getting to watch them cope and sneed about it live. Eventually one season I decided to double down and stream snipe every day for a full month (autism) until I reached the highest rank on the server, much to the streaming community’s chagrin. To top this off, when I hit highest rank I made a post on the subreddit giving a bogus “tutorial” on how to make it to the top like I did without mentioning the obvious fact that I cheated my way there. The nuclear levels of sneed that rippled through the community in the aftermath had me in tears and even years later every streamer instantly recognizes my battletag even though I’ve barely played in the interim.

Back before the internet I was a straight C student in high school. I never did homework but did well at most tests except for French for some reason. I sleepwalked through days and nights. My family just was glad I wasn't failing and I was left alone while they poured their hopes and dreams into my younger sister. I didn't date anyone through high school because I was ignorant on socializing. I had friends but always assumed that I was the sidekick to the kids who were cooler then me. They were still dorks and nerds but they were not as much of a dork as I was. We plated video games and played Dungeons and Dragons. Although we were friends I still had what would be called imposter syndrome today. Eventually I graduated and went to community college. I continued to self isolate and do moderately ok but was not stellar by any stretch. I had no direction and little self awareness. I bathed and wore deodorant and all of that but I didn't dealing with humans. One day I met someone at a Halloween party. She was a few years older and amazing. She invited me over to her house a few times and I showed up because she was a pretty girl that was talking to me like I was not a chud. The second time we hung out she asked "What is your problem? why are we not fricking already?" I admitted that I was a virgin and had no idea what to do. She smiled a big smile and said "Well, I can definitely help with that." We fricked and it was great. True, I had no basis of comparison but still I had fun. After that I moved into her house which she called a 'Collective' which I knew what that was in theory but didn't really care because I was having s*x. The other 6 members of the collective accepted me with varying degrees of welcoming. Probably the people that were least thrilled with my presence were the 2 girls and other guy that she had been fricking before I showed up. At the time I didn't ask about being 'exclusive' because I had no idea that was something that needed said. I was exclusive to her and she was fricking me so who cares right? Within a month the 'collective' collapsed. Her 2 girlfriends convinced 2 of the other people to move out because of 'bad energy'. The guy she had been sleeping with before me (maybe after IDK) vanished the weekend after. About a week or two after they had moved we discovered that all of the utilities were set to be shut off at the end of the month because of non-payment. It turns out that they had been keeping the money that people had given them for bills for at least 3 months. so, kind of good news for me because I wasn't the reason this whole thing blew up! So, I put all of the bills in my name and kept the power and phone and gas and internet on.

And that is 500 words on how I met your mother.