carp this'll be good, it's full of incredible retards

Digital Dating Environment

If you have been taken and/or have been touching grass recently, online dating apps are now the way that most people meet their partners. It's essentially taken what used to be a fairly time consuming process of meeting new people through mutual interests, and condensed it into a literal digital meat market. Most apps lie on a spectrum of how much they lean into this. If you're unfamiliar, or are currently dating and out of the loop, the main players are:

• Tinder - The original swipe app. You're shown a photo album, a brief bio (usually a joke), and you can say yes or no by swiping left or right

• Bumble - Bizarre feminist version of Tinder where women have to message first. Usually slightly better quality women, but they have to make the first move in a text and women are useless at this

• OKCupid - The OG dating site, now mostly full of Filipina women looking for green cards

• Hinge - The better dating app IMO. Premium allows for some pretty strict filters (education filter set to college or higher acts almost entirely like a fat filter, it's amazing). No swipe mechanic, you have to read a profile and like something specific about them, with a message attached if you want.

OKCupid used to run a pretty great blog back in the day before they got bought out by wokies. They used to run experiments on users and then publish the results. One of the more interesting ones was where they removed the bio of people's profiles at random, and saw what happened to their match rate.

Absolutely fucking nothing

They also tried removing people's pictures and matching them at random to see if they'd connect. On average, people had much longer and deeper conversations (increases in number of messages and average message length). Most women will only message you back if you're much better looking than them, which is kind of unsurprising. You would too if you were getting a lot of attention. When you take that away, and even if you go on a blind date, they're generally pretty happy.

Then they turned the lights back on and showed everyone who they'd been talking to, and more than half of them instantly unmatched the other. The conclusion they drew was that people (as a general population) are exactly as shallow as their dating apps will let them allow.

There also used to be a separate score for looks and personality, which were pretty much an exact match.

The whole point of this is to illustrate what turns the gears of online dating: it's photos.

Photos only.

And only the first photo.

As a personal anecdote, this girl I was really into broke up with me and I took a bunch of stupid posey photos to revamp what was a profile full of just average pictures to try and sleep with someone hotter than her. I played with lighting and shot composition. Didn't lose any weight or gain any muscle (5'11" 163lbs for ref, relatively fit) or change my bio at all. I went from one irl date maybe every 3-6 months, to 6 in a week. It's fucking nuts how much of a difference it makes.

Redditors and Not Getting Laid

That last section should not come as any kind of surprise and if someone posts that, please tell them to rope.

It is, however, news to redditards. Despite general public opinion, Zoomers and Millenials are having significantly less sex than previous generations and that's a good thing. I am consistently amazed at what people will show as part of their public profiles, especially to people they're trying to sleep with.

Here's some highlights:

• Soy Beard Cuck Redditor

• Weird Gimmick, Unshaven, Fat

• This Guy Respects Women TM

• Awkward Unathletic Ginger with bad hair and no good face shots

• This guy also Respects Women TM

• Average Barista who thinks he's manly

• Lmao

And some women for fun too:

• This Bitch Fat

• Psycho Fat Goth

• More Fat

They also can't fucking text if they ever even get a match:

• Old Meme

• This guy doesn't understand what he did wrong

• This guy thought it would be a good idea to not only send this, but then post it on the internet

You'll hear a lot of shit about women only going for the top 10-20% of men on dating apps. This is the primary reason - most men are shit candidates. They look like this, take bad photos, give creepy ass intros and replies, and then don't get laid, and are completely surprised how this could happen.

What does this mean for drama?

Aside from the fact that most of these people I've shown are dorks, they post feedback threads pretty regularly. Most of them end up being threads about how "Oh your photos are fine, online dating's just hard!". Or they'll tell people that all they need to do is reorder their profiles.

I call on you, hard-working dramanaut, give these people the feedback they actually need. I will find you the first few, and all you need is to give them some helpful life advice. This is your chance to reaaally get creative with it. Here are some bad examples: