The neurodivergent's last sperg: Krayon (sister toucher)'s manifesto (no google doc link)

My beloved doxxer Krayon (sister toucher) Philosopher has decided to abandon us. He asked me to post his manifesto so he could get a few things off his chest before he leaves.

@carpathianflorist

@The_Homocracy

@Joan_Wayne_Gacy

@QuadNarca

@Kellere31

@Aevann

Hey jannies, it's Krayon (sister toucher) here. Frozens posting this for me.

My one final request to you is that it be pinned.

Anyways, I'm leaving this site for good now that I've been perma-jannied. This is my final post.

SECTION 0: INTRODUCTION:

Hey, rdrama. As you may or may not know, I, @Krayon (sister toucher)Philospher, also known by the usernames @Krayon (sister toucher)Eater and @NeurodivergentSupremacist, have been banned. And it seems all my alts are getting permanently purged as well.

You may not know who I am, you may not care, but on the off-chance that you do, I wanted to say a few final words as I leave this place.

IMPORTANT: You may not want to read all this shit, that's ok. I've labeled different sections so feel free to skip around to the less neurodivergent ones.

SECTION 1: Is this unironic?

You may be wondering if this is a joke right now, and well it's not. However I hope it can provide you some measure of entertainment regardless, and I hope it can give me some measure of peace.

SECTION 2: Why Im making this post.

If you're wondering why the heck I'm writing this, then I'll start with that, and this answer should explain a lot.

For one, if you haven't figured it out, I'm kind of an attention whore, and yes I mean that completely unironically. I have a deep set, irrational, psychological need for attention. Im aware of it, but I can't exactly change it, so I'll just do what attention whores do best and refuse to shut the frick up about it.

For another, this site has become I larger part of my life than I'd like to admit in recent months, and leaving it gives me a large feeling of grief and loss, sad as that may sound. Of course, since nobody I know irl knows about my presence here, I would have to suffer this loss in silence, unless I posted about it, like I'm doing. And I really hate the idea of having my thoughts die with me.

Lastly, if you haven't guessed it from the severe outbursts where my autism shines through for all to see, I don't have many friendships in real life, and even fewer close friendships. This place has become a great social outlet both for very core parts of who I am, as well as that little part of me in the back that I don't want anyone else seeing.

SECTION 3: My background with Rdrama, life story, and an neurodivergent exercise in both stroking me ego and playing the victim.

So with those reasons stated, let's move on to a brief history of @Krayon (sister toucher)Philospher1, and of the real person: the now banned account that was my original account here, and my other accounts, as well as my history in the dramaverse.

I started browsing r/drama on reddit during my junior year of highschool. I was spending a lot of time online at the time because life was kind of going to shit. With no close friendships, and the amount of friends I did have slowly decreasing due to me either staying away from them due to social anxiety or me acting like an neurodivergent edgelord clown saying offensive shit for the high of a few cheap laughs and a whole lot of negative attention, I had a very weak social life.

That small, toxic social life pretty much vanished as existential depression regarding the apparent meaninglessness of life and the pointlessness of doing anything consumed me.

For a quick background on that, during my childhood and early adolescence I was a very devout christian, in a large part due to my dad who was probably my closest friend throughout childhood due to me being an neurodivergent elementary schooler in a small suburb, with few/no friends. Then I had a huge existential crisis about if god was bullshit, lost faith, and got really depressed.

But with all that going on, and then having to go into quarantine because of COVID, I found my coping mechanism. Or rather, I found r/drama. I fell in love with it quickly.

As I said already, I had kind of adopted this edgelord clown personality, or sub-personality, during my early teens. Originally this was an attempt to fit in and to make it look like I wasn't a little kid, since both are really fricking hard for sperg children. But for better or worse that edgelord shit became part of my real personality. And rdrama fit with that r-slurred, overdramatic, edgy persona perfectly.

It was hilarious watching rdrama from a third person perspective. It was like a demented reality tv comedy and I'll forever cherish those lurking days. They lasted for about a year. During the first half of that time I did really well, I thought I had found purpose and I was really accomplishing things and loving life.

Then life and depression hit me again and I became more online again, spending more and more time on r/drama.

SECTION 4: the fall of r/drama and the pilgrimage to rdrama.net

It started as the coom grip of the powerjannies grew tighter around r/drama and around the admins. The admins had slowly became dictators in their crusade to purge all rightoid wrongthink from the interwebs, after rightoids elected an ADHD manchild with a God complex as president. Rdrama quickly became a target.

A long while after the purge began, during a period when many punishments were inflicted against drama by the admins, and after I had found this wounded, yet still flourishing at the time subreddit, and been there for a while, a great thing occured.

In the shadow of ruqqus, a band of rdrama ruqqoids who had left earlier in the drama diaspora, created a new website, a home where all dramanauts could live in (relative) peace, and enjoy their freedom to sperg out and make drama however they wished. And It was named rdrama.net.

Quickly after it's creation I joined rdrama.net. I couldn't actually participate in r/drama but I wanted somewhere to actually talk to people because of how small my social life had become.

I didn't do much at first, but after a week and a half I started posting more, and then more, and more, and more.