I drunkenly dropped my phone and now I can't find my SIM card so I can't call the suicide hotline, which is all I've been doing for the past four hours and which ideally would make up the rest of my evening. Also, I lost my nicotine machine and the malding obesoid at the gas station didn't laugh at my joke about needing nicotine.
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it's literally me
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Exactly that, one of the chicks at the suicide hotline suggested I be a professional dogwalker and pulled up some listings proving I could do so. I tried to explain it was low status but she didn't know about reddit.
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