On reading the title, you might feel bad for the guy, but I think the pity will evaporate when you read his post. (Sorry for the wall of text, the entire thing is a gold mine) Cue the sad violin

My wife and I have been together about 12 years, married for 8. We have had an "open" marriage from the beginning and it worked well for awhile.

However, at some point it began to become toxic primarily because of some unresolved s*x and porn addiction issues on my end that became a coping mechanism for the tremendous amount of stress we have had (medical school for her and a demanding career for me, a toxic work environment, and two kids). In addition to diving into porn and sexual fantasy, I let my personal health slip and struggled with impulsive spending and hoarding. These issues were always present but magnified as our life stresses increased. The s*x addiction began to impact our social relationships and I remained oblivious to all of this. Finally, at some point, my wife had little sexual interest in me. We talked about therapy frequently, but we both put it off due to time and money and my inability to see just how bad it was needed and her inability to convey that I was in need of help. A year and a half ago she started dating a guy and I could tell it was getting very emotional, which was crossing our "open marriage" boundaries. I conveyed that I was uncomfortable with the relationship and she lashed out that it was the only thing that made her happy. She asked if I wanted her to end it (clearly to me, I did), but I told her I did not want to be responsible for taking away something that made her happy and I had made my feelings clear.

>it began to become toxic primarily because of some unresolved s*x and porn addiction issues on my end that became a coping mechanism for the tremendous amount of stress we have had

translation: i couldn't stop jerking my ding-dong and am blaming it on muh stress

>I let my personal health slip and struggled with impulsive spending and hoarding.

translation: i got fat and spent all of our money on soyshit, but it totes isnt my fault, it's muh stress

>Finally, at some point, my wife had little sexual interest in me.

shocker!

>A year and a half ago she started dating a guy and I could tell it was getting very emotional, which was crossing our "open marriage" boundaries.

Oh no! Not the """""""""boundaries"""""""""! also i like how getting nutted in isn't crossing boundaries, but sharing your feelings is, lmaooo

>She asked if I wanted her to end it (clearly to me, I did), but I told her I did not want to be responsible for taking away something that made her happy and I had made my feelings clear.

A few weeks ago, she told me she is considering divorce. She initially said it was because of the financial and health issues coupled with no longer being happy without feeling guilty about her boyfriend. She then opened up about the role her bf had played in supporting her during our difficult marriage. She also told me that after speaking with her new therapist that she believes I have sexually assaulted her through coercion and manipulation (she has a lot of guilt in general and in this case, a false sense of needing to be a "good Catholic wife" and what she thought was her obligagltion) on several occasions. She now says that the pain from that is too great and she is not sure she can forgive me.

>she believes I have sexually assaulted her through coercion and manipulation

tbh I'm not exactly surprised lol who would want to have consensual s*x with this guy

>a false sense of needing to be a "good Catholic wife" and what she thought was her obligagltion

RELIGION is the thing that's fricking up the marriage!

I asked her to break up with her bf while we figure things out. He picked her up and they went to talk and she said she broke up with him. I later found out she was still texting him at work and they were talking on the phone on her way home. I also found out the night they "broke up" that they had made some sort of plan that keeps coming up. I confronted her and she called him on speaker to break up. This time it seemed to be at least real for as long as we are sorting things out, but they have exchanged some texts once since then (1 week ago).

>I later found out she was still texting him at work

bro its over lol

We are starting Discernment Therapy and I want to keep the marriage together. I think with individual and couples therapy we can heal and move forward. I feel this is best for us, but more importantly for our 2 young children, but I worry that over the last year, her bf has used our struggles and stresses to play the hero and manipulate the situation in his favor. Now she seems to think these "new love" feelings for him would be lasting and she does not seem able to look at his flaws and consider how they could be a problem in 5+ years. She also does not seem to consider that she has put him on a pedestal, but only spent a few hours with him a week with the occasional weekend when I take the kids to our parents without her (I was unaware that's what she was doing and they tried to hide it). She then compares me to him, but I am the one navigating her anxiety and depression constantly and living the stresses of our careers and caring for our children constantly. I have grown bitter about her relationship and that probably shows. She has become very focused on herself (not all bad), but specifically working with her therapist on "Being happy without feeling guilty". She has always been selfless and family focused, but that has shifted during the relationship with her recent bf. We are starting Discernment Therapy, but I have no idea if she truly wants to figure it out or if she has already made up her mind and is just doing this to appease our Caholic families (who do not know about any of the open marriage or her recent relationship). I am very lost and looking for any helpful advice or resources (already starting individual therapy for myself).

>I worry that over the last year, her bf has used our struggles and stresses to play the hero and manipulate the situation in his favor

neighbor the bar is really fricking low to be a hero here lol

>she does not seem able to look at his flaws and consider how they could be a problem in 5+ years

speck, meet plank

>I am the one navigating her anxiety and depression constantly

b-word you caused the depression!!!!!

>I have grown bitter

yeah no shit

>She has become very focused on herself (not all bad)

lol he seethes, plus it's the same thing he was doing

SURPRISINGLY, redditors are roasting the shit out of him. On a cuck support forum. hahahaha

BY THE WAY I don't think this is cuckshit fantasizing simply because of how bitter and resentful the guy is, and how much he wants to paint himself as the victim while not realizing that it actually makes him more hateable.