EFFORTPOST [EFFORTPOST] Marco's Tales From Anthrocon, Part 1: The Zoophile Pulling the Strings?

Hello my lovelies!

Sorry for my relative lack of posting as of late, I've been SUPER duper busy these past few months and only really had enough time for lurking and occasionally making snide comments here and there. I recently went on a whacky drama-filled furry adventure though which coincides with a lot of juicy internet drama happening at the same time which you might all appreciate. I'll be making this a multi-part thing since so much took place in such a short amount of time - so put on your strap-ons and strap in!

And just to be crystal clear, all of the following events genuinely happened, this isn't some long-form shitpost or whatever. Because it certainly reads like one at times.

The Encounter

Set the scene: it's last Wednesday, I'm scheduled to be in the lovely city of Philadelphia for a week, primarily for boring work reasons - I was meeting with some nerd at UPenn who wanted to collaborate on a psych paper or some shit. Upon meeting this guy at the airport though, alarm bells started going off in my head right from the jump - his car was full to the brim with weird furry garbage, fox decorations, animal plushes, and not only that, there was some horrible furry/brony music playing on the radio as the cherry on top. Being the avid anti-furry researcher I am, I knew instantly what kind of situation I was in - this guy I had arranged to meet was an unironic raging homosexual furtwink.

I did my best to ignore this incredibly uncomfortable fact at first, as we drove through the historic streets of Philly and had a brief look at the Liberty Bell and all the obligatory touristy stuff. Eventually though, I had to address the elephant in the room (or car), and my suspicions were confirmed - this guy was indeed a massive gay furry, particularly the kind that fantasizes about tribal muscular wolfmen. Not only that, but he had plans to set off the next day to Anthrocon, the world's largest furry convention, which just happened to be taking place that weekend in Pittsburgh about 300 miles away. He even has the gall to suggest that I could come with him to experience IRL furry culture for myself, since it wouldn't interfere with either of our schedules. I of course think that this is a fricking terrible idea, even as I'm assured that Anthrocon is supposedly a "tame and family friendly furcon" compared to the hives of degeneracy that other conventions typically tend to be. But then, I thought - this could actually be a fantastic opportunity to be a dramatard in the field, to gather first-hand evidence of furry degeneracy right behind enemy lines where they think normies won't be watching, and possibly even get up to some mischief myself. So I begrudgingly accept his offer, and thus, that's how Marco ended up on his way to a major furry convention.

The Infiltration

After a long 7 hour drive to Pittsburgh under the smoky orange backdrop of the Canadian wildfires and the furtwink accompanying me rambling on about supreme court hearings or some shit for most of the journey, we made it to the hotel. Everything seemed eeriely normal at first, even as we checked in and made it to the room with a couple of other furtwinks that my potential research collaborator had been planning to meet there. At some point after I was putting the tallest one in a chokehold (I was already having a fight-or-flight reaction from being in a room with 3 furtwinks), cue another knock on the door - upon opening it up, we were jumpscared by a dude in one of those goofy horse masks that were all the rage a few years ago. Turns out this was our very own resident horsefricker @Publiq, who also happened to be attending and heard word that Marco was on the premises. From that point onward, he was officially part of our growing ragtag group of weirdos.

As we then made our way to the convention center (and my eyes were assaulted by a wide array of rainbow vomit fursuits filling the streets on the way), our first big problem arose - the con security were dutifully checking for con tickets and badges at the entrance, and obviously, one of us had come empty-handed. We were in a big group by now though, so we just sort of... huddled close together while everyone else flashed their badges, and while the security guy gave us the biggest stink-eye and even turned around and kept staring at us for several seconds after we squeezed through, the line was too busy for him to come chasing after us and I was officially in.

So what did I witness on my first day at this "family friendly" all-ages convention? Let's make a brief list:

>fat uggos walking around in gimp masks, harnesses and other assorted fetish gear

>neurodivergent Deviantart fetish shit being displayed out in the open (vore autism, footcute twinkry)

>NSFW furry body pillows, their privates barely covered by post-it notes to make things kid-friendly apparently

>a section aptly called the "hole in the wall", where it was life-sized artwork of furry bussies lined up side-by-side (again, with the holes/balls barely covered by post-it notes)

>a "musk candle" stall, selling candles that are apparently meant to smell like unwashed hairy gussy and butthole

>fursuiters grinding on and groping one another right in front of everyone

>mass public vandalism

>this bimbo horse thing

>and to top it off, a cub/p-do fur stall, with an orange cat mascot called Marci!?

To call an event like this kid-friendly and let children roam around the stalls is at best profoundly r-slurred and at worst genuinely dangerous and sickening. I mean, holy shit, this was supposed to be the most tame of the big furry conventions, the one that the furfilth defense force can point leftoid media toward so they can say "ummm we're not all degenerate dogfrickers, see?" The other cons allegedly have uglies openly fricking in the hotel lobbies, throwing used diapers around and other nonsense that you're probably familiar with by now from other first-hand tales that went viral - I don't intend to check those ones out for myself.

These people genuinely deserve all the hate that they get, and don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

The Puppeteer

Pivoting away from my own personal experience to cover a juicy happening that transpired; a large attraction for this year's largely neurodivergent attendees was supposedly this dumb puppet thing, that I'm not sure how you could be entertained by if you're over the age of eight. Seriously, if you do a quick twitter search for "anthrocon", half the posts are just videos or shitty art of this thing.

https://twitter.com/WolfOfTheOldWar/status/1675325161946464256

https://twitter.com/TheHearthFox/status/1677012582190788609

Lets take a look at the puppet's creator and puppeteer, why don't we?

...Oh boy.

To unpack, this individual is a 35 year old non-binary therian with E/Em/Eir pronouns to boot - meaning that unlike most furries whom just enjoy pretending to be animals, this person genuinely actually believes that eir're a real life animal and no longer identify as a human being, basically what FOX news and other rightoid boomers think furries are. With an audience of eir size taking em completely seriously on this, trans-species rights is sure to be the next culture war struggle and I'm all for it.

Hearth also has a null fetish NSFW account, which for the uninitiated is having a kink for a complete lack of genitalia - imagine just a smooth featureless crotch down there. While irrelevant to the rest of the post, I thought it'd be funny to include this to help paint a full picture of our main character's mental state.

A common disturbing trend with these therians however, is making the logical conclusion that since they identify as animals and not humans, then surely it can't be considered bestiality when they go frick the family dog. And that kind of drama is exactly what gets kicked off here. During the height of eir 15 minutes of furry fame, our pal Hearth really puts eir paw in it and decides to tweet in defense of eir zoophile friend's illustrated animal porn stash.

https://twitter.com/TheHearthFox/status/1677070509484257280

"Feral" porn for those unaware, as opposed to regular furry porn that involves cartoon animal-people fricking, is just straight up artwork of four-legged animals mating, or in simpler terms basically drawn bestiality. Despite what many furries like to say, this type of smut is very popular with furries behind closed doors (or stables). The masses of naive clueless children and spergs who followed Hearth over the last couple days because "yay cute puppet :3" immediately run for the hills.

Direct replies:

Notable QRTs:

https://twitter.com/bara_moe_bltch/status/1677160431306039298

https://twitter.com/treyretry/status/1677203307218055168

https://twitter.com/ChemlabEnjoyer/status/1677337027153387520

https://twitter.com/cathyareborn/status/1677206919000227840

https://twitter.com/Litowo_/status/1677266821731299329

...And a ton of other furries feeling betrayed that their newfound fuzzy friend says yes to zoo rights. Who would've thought that a community that revolves around fetishizing animal features would turn out to be full of zoophiles.

There's a few lolipedos and fellow therian zoophiles playing defense for Hearth in the replies too, but they're outnumbered for the most part. Some solid advice from all this: if you see a non-greek person using weird greek symbols in their twitter name/bio, keep your pets far away from them.

The Meltdown

Distraught that eir moment in the spotlight had been cut short by opening their dumb fat mouth, Hearth being the lolcow e is reacts predictably by immediately trying to play the victim and deflect the blame. Clearly this was an organized harassment campaign by those darn Kiwifarmers all along! How do they keep getting away with it?

https://twitter.com/TheHearthFox/status/1677414791244140544

https://twitter.com/TheHearthFox/status/1677235453768921088

The typical furry behavior of suicide baiting for sympathy when caught out:

https://twitter.com/TheHearthFox/status/1677243094666735617

There's nothing wrong with masturbating to lion cubs voiced by children, let people enjoy things!

https://twitter.com/TheHearthFox/status/1677132622764417025

Chasing the White Rabbit

Still desperate to pin their downfall on someone else, Hearth digs up this random joke tweet by some dude with like a tenth of the followers e does while furry Twitter was still being flooded with the puppet thing.

https://twitter.com/LagoVirt/status/1675840458000326659

E concludes that this guy's tweet must be the true source of all the harassment e's getting, and it's all a big conspiracy to bring em down! E promptly lunges out, fangs bared, demanding a full apology for the immense harm caused.

https://twitter.com/TheHearthFox/status/1677237100020654080

Someone didn't get the memo that jokes aren't real anymore.

https://twitter.com/TheHearthFox/status/1677259051497930754

APOLOGIZE NOW!

https://twitter.com/TheHearthFox/status/1677268378099109899

And just like anyone here could've predicted, actually an apology isn't enough chud.

https://twitter.com/TheHearthFox/status/1677273942669574144

They're still sperging to this day, so I highly suggest keeping track of them yourself to see if their InkBunny account eventually ends up being discovered or something. This ended up kinda being two posts messily stitched together, but if you're in the 2% of non-illiterate dramatards who made it this far, then cool! I did in fact see the weird puppet r-slur in person though last week, and my verdict is that e is fat and I would not have s*x with em. Thanks for reading, and always remember to respect people's pronouns even if you heavily disagree with them!

Part 2 soon, which sadly includes an IRL case of actual child grooming at the Anthrocon plushfur furpile.