EFFORTPOST Colonel Sanders Effortpost

: I'll explain what Colonel Sanders has to do with any of this, you scurvy landlubber! He has everything to do with it, because without him there'd be no KFC, and without KFC there'd be no fried chicken, and without fried chicken there'd be no reason for me to be a pirate! So you best be thankful to the good Colonel, or I'll make you walk the plank!

— @goodNews4U

Today's RWBYffortpost is on a legendary goyslop patron saint, somewhat unique among fast food mascots in that he was a real person and also the legitimate founder of the company

But did he actually serve in the military to be called a Colonel? How did he start KFC? And did you know he was actually involved in lawsuits against his very own company later in life?

I wasn't sure about writing an effortpost about a person without it becoming indistinguishable from a regular old encyclopedia entry, so I've decided to prototype a model in which properly dramatic facts about the person are listed off in rough order of date. Such a system should show that the people featured in my posts lived suitably dramatic lives worthy of this website

Learn about the above points and more as we explore the subject of my first such biographical effortpost: none other than Colonel Sanders

Since I couldn't find many rDrama comments that were actually informative about Colonel Sanders and KFC, most of the quotes are here because I thought they were funny

Early Life

I've heard that women can't remember giving birth because it was so traumatic.

I've taken shits like that after kfc and morphine

— @ReeTardyOswald and @WayOut

Harland David Sanders was born on September 9, 1890 east of Henryville, Indiana. He was the oldest of three kids and lost his father at the age of five. From then on he was taught to handle the family cooking while his mother worked and by the age of seven he was learning to cook with meat

And so began the legend

(To the right is the future Colonel Sanders at chicken-seasoning age. Start your kids early )

I saw a native lady come back to KFC and yell at the staff that they served her raw chicken and that her kid could have gotten sick.

The manager asked why she didn't come back sooner instead of eating the whole bucket, which just made her yell louder.

— @SexyFartMan69

Did You Know That Colonel Sanders: Dropped out of school

Sanders had several step fathers and in particular didn't get along with William Broaddus after his mother's 1902 remarriage and the family's move to Greenwood, Indiana. He also said that seventh grade "algebra's what drove [him] off". For these reasons he dropped out of public school and got his first proper job as a farmhand at the age of 12.

Worked many jobs in his youth (and was briefly in the army)

Like a veritable Jack London, Sanders tried his hand at all kinds of occupations and would do anything he could to sustain himself in his youth. At 13 Sanders left home to paint horse carriages, then to work on another farm.

In 1906 he worked as a streetcar after moving in with his uncle, who worked for the company.

But later that year he falsified his age to enlist in the army. At the time US forces were still stationed in Cuba as an ultimate result of the Spanish-American War, making Sanders a veteran of the on and off Occupation of Cuba. He was honorably discharged in 1907 and would be awarded the Cuban Pacification Medal.

So he really was in the army but was only ever a private

I once went to kfc and recognised a gypsy foid I seen couple years ago who back then was telling she is Syrian but this time she was Ukrainian so I asked her in Ukrainian from what region she did 180 degree move and walked away

— @WeihnachtenSalvador

Sanders' subsequent other jobs include,

Blacksmith's helper in a railway workshop

Cleaning out the ash pans of steam locomotives

And Steam engine stoker until he was allegedly fired for insubordination

He met his first wife Josephine King in 1909 and would have his three children with her.

THEY TOOK AWAY THE DOUBLE DOWN

THE DOUBLE DOWN KFC TOOK IT OFF THE MENU FOR A LIMITED TIME THEY TOOK AWAY THE DOUBLE DOWN

— @SexyFartMan69 and @Joe_Manchin

Delivered babies and practiced law before cooking chicken

For a time Sanders would study law at night while working with trains and living with his growing family, but a brawl with a coworker got him fired and he moved to work at another railroad company. Meanwhile his wife took the kids and lived with her parents.

Sanders went on to practice law in Little Rock, Arkansas (the famous segregation Little Rock ) and his wife came back to him. He was able to practice in the Justice of the Peace Corps because at the time it did not require that lawyers pass the bar.

But he would lose this career after another brawl, this time with his own client As written by biographer John Ed Pearce, "[Sanders] had encountered repeated failure largely through bullheadedness, a lack of self-control, impatience, and a self-righteous lack of diplomacy."

Sanders moved back in with his mother and worked at another railroad

Then briefly sold life insurance.

Then started his first corporate venture, a ferry boat company that actually did well for itself

He also took a job as a secretary at the Chamber of Commerce in Columbus, Indiana but wasn't a good fit for it

For whatever reason Sanders chose to sell the ferry business and started a lamp oil company. This failed after Delco introduced electric lamps to the developing region.

He finally made his move to Kentucky to work as a salesman for the Michelin Tire Company, but lost this job after the plant closed.

In 1924 he met the general manager of Standard Oil of Kentucky and got a position running a service station. This lasted until the station closed in 1930.

Sanders would get his real start in food service after opening a Shell service station in North Corbin, Kentucky. He was also said to have helped deliver babies here. According to his autobiography, "There was nobody else to do it. The husbands couldn't afford a doctor when their wives were pregnant."

Chicken

i hate kfc r-slur

— @Penny

Sanders' very first restaurant was a hole in the wall food stall operated out of his gas station in North Corbin. Having already been cooking his whole life, he started selling fried chicken as well as other meals like country ham and steaks. His local popularity grew, and, in 1939, food critic Duncan Hines visited Sanders's restaurant and included it in Adventures in Good Eating, his guide to restaurants throughout the US.

Corbin, KY. Sanders Court and Café

41 — Jct. with 25, 25 E. ½ Mi. N. of Corbin. Open all year except Xmas.

A very good place to stop en route to Cumberland Falls and the Great Smokies. > Continuous 24-hour service. Sizzling steaks, fried chicken, country ham, hot biscuits. L. 50¢ to $1; D., 60¢ to $1

And around this time in 1935, Sanders was made an honorary Kentucky Colonel by Kentucky Governor Ruby Laffoon — the most well known colonelcy in the United States in part because of Sanders. (US Governors in multiple states can bestow this as an honorific. The origins of this tradition trace back to colonial and antebellum times when wealthy landowners were given the title to commission companies or finance local militias without having to be in the military.) Laffoon was known at the time for handing out a record number of Colonel titles (Other colonels commissioned by Laffoon included Mae West, Shirley Temple, Clark Gable, Bing Crosby, Will Rogers, Fred Astaire, Jean Harlow, Mary Pickford, Charlie Chaplin, Jack Dempsey and W. C. Fields.) But this didn't make the commission any less legitimate and Sanders would certainly make use of it throughout his life.

Such is the origin of Sanders' famous title, meaning he was technically a private and a colonel

Once had a shootout with a competitor

https://www.mentalfloss.com/posts/kfc-colonel-sanders-shoot-out

The colonel was one of the most based men to have ever lived.

— @Fabrico

While running his gas station on Highway 25, Sanders had a large sign painted to direct customers to his station. Business rival Matt Stewart started painting over Sanders' sign, and Sanders would respond by repainting it. This escalated into a shootout in which Stewart killed a Shell employee and was wounded after Sanders returned fire

Sanders was arrested at the scene but had his charges dropped. Stewart went to prison for homicide and suddenly the competition was no more.

Tried to kidnap his own children

At around this time Sanders' relationship with his first wife had deteriorated and he was seeing a mistress, Claudia Ledington-Price, that he would later marry. After getting a very critical letter from his brother-in-law, Sanders came to visit and found all his furniture had been distributed amongst the other in-laws. He felt the need to get back at his wife's family.

The originally dramatic plan was to camp out in the woods until his children came out to play and just take them He eventually thought better of it though and worked out a deal with Josephine. The two divorced after the kids were grown.

Opened the first proper Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant in Utah

make sure to log into your KFC account and do your daily quests like eat three double downs for extra slopcoins

@peepeehands

In July of '39 Sanders also acquired a motel in Asheville, North Carolina, but the original service station would be destroyed in a fire. Sanders then built a Corbin motel with a new restaurant inside.

By 1940 and at the age of 50, Sanders had perfected his chicken recipe and started cooking his chicken using a pressure fryer — faster than pan frying but without unacceptable moisture loss. This new technique might have immediately made Sanders money had it not been for America's entry into WWII Gas was rationed and tourism dried up, leading to the closure of the second motel. He went to supervise cafeterias for the government at an ordnance works in Tennessee, followed by a job as assistant cafeteria manager. He left Claudia to manage the original location and waited out the war and immediate post-war economic stagnation until '52, the year the world would be blessed with its first KFC

Japan kfc sells out of their Christmas fried chicken dinners every year

You can see the pyramids from a sit down pizza Hut in Egypt

After a visit to a Roman coliseum you can wash it down with a coke and big mac

America has culturemaxxd the world lmaooo

— @johnnypoop

The original "Kentucky Fried Chicken" opened in South Salt Lake, Utah on the 24th of September, 1952 The restaurant was operated by Pete Harman, who was already known for having the city's most popular eatery. He worked closely with Sanders to develop the franchising concept and would ultimately be able to use the Colonel's recipe in exchange for 4 cents off every chicken sold. His other claims to fame are the development of the bucket packaging and the emphasis on the "Finger-lickin' good" motto.

The name "Kentucky Fried Chicken" was chosen because it seemed exotic in Utah and invoked an air of southern hospitality. Sales more than tripled in the first year with around 75% of total sales coming from fried chicken. Several other restaurant owners would also franchise the concept after Harman's success.

However, this wasn't quite the start of the modern KFC corporation.

Wasn't wildly successful until he was old and grey

Don't quit cos you're 65. Maybe your boat hasn't come in yet. Mine hadn't.

— Colonel Sanders in multiple interviews

For the most part, Sanders still made his living off profits from his original North Corbin restaurant, but at the age of 65 he was forced to sell it after President Eisenhower's new interstate system directed traffic away from his once prominent location. He was left with only his savings, social security payments, and the small amount of money gained from those early franchisees. With nothing else to turn to, Sanders devoted himself to expanding his food sales by incorporating Kentucky Fried Chicken. He traveled the country in his '46 Ford trying to sign up as many restaurant owners as he could.

Though he'd started dressing the part with his trademark white suit and bleached facial hair, the Colonel wasn't yet famous outside of a few Kentucky circles. He spent nights in his car and did all the legwork himself, to the point of personally cooking the chicken in demonstrations with potential business partners. Sanders' autobiography mentions hundreds of restaurant visits and that he was usually turned down, but more and more franchisees gradually signed on as the '50s continued.

Fun Fact: One of the franchisees was Dave Thomas, the eventual founder of Wendy's Thomas developed the rotating red bucket sign, was an early advocate of the take-out concept that Harman had pioneered, and introduced a bookkeeping form that Sanders rolled out across the entire KFC chain

Another was John Wayne Gacy

I've seen Taco Bell and KFC and I've seen A&W and KFC. Does there exist a mythical PizzaHut/TacoBell/KFC/A&W?

— @RWBY

When KFC finally took off, it took off. By 1960 there were about 200 franchised restaurants. By '63 there were over 600, making it the largest fast food chain in the nation at the time. KFC was notably the first and biggest fast food chain to focus on chicken, or really, anything besides hamburgers. In the meantime Sanders had grown into something of an icon, and was now making five cents for every chicken sold

He was even considered as a potential running mate for George Wallace's 1968 Presidential Campaign. (He ultimately chose Curtis LeMay)

Mascot and Icon

People just don't have lives like this anymore

— /r/todayilearned

However, KFC's unprecedented expansion had become too much for the Colonel to manage. In 1964 and at the age of 73, Sanders sold KFC to a group of investors led by John Y. Brown Jr. and Jack C. Massey. The deal stipulated that he would remain a salaried brand ambassador and quality control consultant. He also retained ownership of Canadian operations.

In '65 he and Claudia moved to Mississauga, Ontario. The Colonel actually spent the rest of his life there as a leaf

Was Drama-Pilled

It's not even a secret [Jersh] () once talked openly on the podcast about how if you stalked the KFC near Belgrade university you'd see him pretty quick

— @BFBugleberry

For the most part the Colonel spent his old age being dramatic and enjoying his status. He remained (and still is) a living icon of the company and would travel over 200,000 miles a year on the company's behalf while also filming advertisements of all kinds. He was happy to play the part of a southern gentleman, though he could also be a shit-stirrer

Apparently whenever Sanders traveled with blacks in the south, he would go out of his way to open doors for them just to mess with people. In one instance when traveling with a company spokesman, someone asked the man who he was to have the Colonel open doors for him. Sanders replied something to the effect of, "He's my son, but we don't talk about it."

The Colonel loved pulling surprise inspections of restaurants and would become infuriated if the food wasn't up to his standards. He was fond of throwing food on the floor and swearing at employees. At times he would barge into the kitchen and insist on showing the cooks how the chicken should have been cooked.

He hated the "extra crispy" recipe in particular since it wasn't an invention of his. As other chicken chains began to emerge, KFC created it to compete with places that used a traditional batter instead of a flour dredge. Sanders never forgave corporate for it In an article published by the Louisville Courier-Journal on October 8, 1975, he told journ*list Dan Kauffman:

My God, that gravy is horrible. They buy tap water for 15 to 20 cents a thousand gallons and then they mix it with flour and starch and end up with pure wallpaper paste. And I know wallpaper paste, by God, because I've seen my mother make it. ... There's no nutrition in it and they ought not to be allowed to sell it. ... [The] crispy [fried chicken] recipe is nothing in the world but a darn fried doughball stuck on some chicken.

Eventually came to hate KFC and was involved in lawsuits

Most maulings are done by ghetto trash guard dogs owned by hoodrats. These have about as much relation to a proper pitbull as the the current slop KFC serves has to the Colonel's original golden recipe.

— @911roofer

KFC was acquired by Heublein Inc. in 1971. They actually sued Sanders over his comments in interviews and because he and his wife had opened a new restaurant, "The Colonel's Lady's Dinner House", and were considering expanding it.

The Colonel won this and countersued over the use of his image in products he hadn't developed.

This ain't no goddam Tennessee Fried Chicken, no matter what some slick, silk-suited son-of-a-b-word says

-- Sanders following the move of corporate headquarters to Nashville, Tennessee

The two sides settled out of court, with Sanders receiving $1 million and a chance to give a cooking lesson to Heublein executives in return for his promise to stop criticizing Kentucky Fried Chicken's food. The Colonel's new restaurant would not be franchised though it remained and still remains open as the Claudia Sanders Dinner House. It is the only establishment besides KFC legally allowed to use Sanders' original recipe.

The Colonel would remain an active and well traveled figure until the end of his days. He is said to have only worn his trademark white suit for the last twenty years of his life for all public appearances and never dropped the character even after leaving KFC. He also continued making surprise inspections of random KFCs until '79. He was also a Freemason

He died in 1980 at the age of 90. His body was laid in state in the rotunda of the Kentucky State Capitol after a funeral attended by over 500 people. A memorial service held at KFC's headquarters was also attended by over 1,000 people. By that time there were over 6,000 KFC outlets in operation

Once cursed a Japanese baseball team

There's a KFC and Dominos Pizza a few miles from Bin Ladens secret compound in Pakistan. His neighbors could have been eating halal thin crust pizza while Navy SEALS raided the house next door. These places have infinite reach (US Goyslop Forces) .

-- @Yakub

The Colonel's continuous status as an icon and mascot hardly needs explaining, so I'll end this post on a fun example of it. The Curse of the Colonel states Sanders put a hex on the Hanshin Tigers after the baseball team's joyous fans celebrated a 1985 championship by tossing his statue, taken from a local Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant, into an Osaka river. They appeared in the Japan Series three more times and lost in 2003, 2005 and 2014.

The statue was retrieved in 2009, but it wasn't until 2023 that The Hanshin Tigers finally won their first Japan Series title in 38 years.