After January 6th of course

Unfortunately, I can't seem to find the update to this story. I wonder if they got the baby back.

Explain yourself

Find me on TikTok, Transient_Diaper_Queen

#FartBabiesOnBoard

#FartPreggers

#ExtremeTesticularTorsion

wanna gooble can't gooble but wanna goomble

Just seen "The Super Mario Bros." Better than I remembered, and I liked it the first time I saw it. The main takeaway is that watching it feels like tripping on acid, specifically in the mkultra scenario where you've been dosed unwittingly.

The movie blasts you off right from the beginning, as a narrator with an accent that sounds halfway between Russian and New Yorker Italian rambles about a parallel universe where dinosaurs never went extinct, accompanied by a horribly drawn cartoon reminiscent of the infamous CD-i legend of Zelda cutscenes. This is the central conceit of the movie, which kind of makes sense- since the villains of the Mario franchise are "dinosaurs" that would be too hard/expensive to recreate with 90s vfx, they are reimagined as 'spiritually" dinosaurs, evolved into human form. Now, koopas and Bowser etc are obviously turtles in the game, not dinosaurs. But prehistoric turtles are basically dinosaurs so I'll let that inconsistency slide, because the end result of this plot point is Dennis Hopper as Bowser, without any stupid makeup or prosthetics getting in the way.

Which brings me to the first reason this movie rules. The casting and acting is unreal. Im not going to do a point by point on the plot, because this is already too long. But after the bizarre opening (which ends in a mad max looking foid burying Dennis Hopper under rubble in a ny sewer and then screaming at the rubble, I guess sending him back to the dino dimension) the movie takes a hard turn into gritty realism, with Mario and Luigi as highly relatable blue collar laborers just trying to make ends meet in the big city. You see, it's really a movie about family. But too soon, Marios big titty girlfriend and archaeologist/princess Daisy, who Luigi is trying to frick, are kidnapped, and the bros chase them through a portal to the mushroom kingdom. Quick aside, I don't know why it's not Peach. I looked on the Mario wiki and apparently Daisy is princess of the sarsaparilla kingdom in Mario land 2, and if you think this plot is weird, that game was about an alien Invasion. In the intro of the film, Daisy is revealed to have been brought to ny from the dino dimension as an egg by mad max lady. So I guess she's a dino-oid. But her father, the king, is a mushroom humanoid, which makes you think. Hes Played for 2 seconds in human form by lance Hendrickson, more awesome casting although I'm not sure he even has a line so kind of wasted.

Anyway, the brothers are thrown into the mushroom kingdom which is a fricked up blade runner dystopia, Bowser is the mayor and has a machine, and guns, that can devolve people into whatever animal they evolved from (remember in this universe nobody evolved from monkeys, which means every other animal is fair game as an ancestor), and has turned the mushroom king into a massive slime mold which is disgustingly growing everywhere. This naturally takes the movie from relatable blue collar NY to "holy frick im peaking" instantly, during the transition where Mario goes thru the dimensional portal he does the super-star yellow flashing Vfx which is one of very few literal callbacks to the games. You go hey I recognize that, and then you land in dino-york (pretty sure they call it dinohattan) which is a horrific rube goldberg nightmare of shit sparking and catching fire for no reason, glass breaking, people crashing cars and bikes, dino-rats eating garbage,and weird butt fungus everywhere. It's like someone read the part of fear as loathing where Duke trips in the casino and all the patrons turn into lizards, and thought "this is what was really going on in super Mario world, it's just that video game technology wasnt advanced enough to properly tell the story."

I've already spent too much time on the plot which I said I wasn't going to do, but that's the setup, after which it just turns into a goofy slapstick caper movie, with the bros being basically just chased around by Nazi dinofascist stormtroopers with flamethrowers (another game callback, remember bowsers castle?). There's clearly an effort to reproduce the physical feel of the games, if not the aesthetic. The bros slide through pipes, bounce around on springy boots, do a Mariokart by way of stealing a police car and driving it off a cliff, trampoline on fungal outgrowths. Much like the concept of making Bowser and his minions "human, but spiritually dinosaurs" it almost makes sense on paper. But combined with the blade runner aesthetic, and the naturalistic acting, the end result is just incredibly bizarre. It isnt totally alien to the Mario franchise, in fact it's oddly familiar, I hate to go back to the same analogy but it's really like experiencing Mario through the lense of a shamanic datura ceremony.

It's always recognizably 'mario' but something off, for example the go-kart scene, since dinosaurs never went extinct there's no oil, so the karts are electrically powered like trolley cars, and their engines throw off massive showers of sparks and smoke as the brothers go on a massively destructive vehicular rampage, wrecking cop cars and civilians alike in giant fiery explosions. From the outset the characters are extremely well established, beautifully acted, and have Evolving relationships with each other. Hoskins is so good as mario I'm convinced his physical acting has been used as reference for the recent cartoon film. Dennis Hopper manages to embody the role of a T-Rex evolved into human form perfectly and somehow subtly.

But the human element perpetually fades in and out, dissolving into slapstick chases, 3 stooges style violence, and wanton nonsensical destruction. As if to sum up the dichotomy, Bowser at one point pontificates while bathing with his queen who I don't remember from any of the games in a mud bath, "you know my favorite thing about mud? It's clean and dirty at the same time." This sums up my feelings about the movie. Evidently the mud bath was supposed to be filled with live worms. Because dinosaurs.

my oldest child just turned 14, the thought of him working horrifies me

I could take this reasonably, but I'll assume she means any work

This thread leads to a debate as to whether operating a cash register is something too advanced for a 14 year old.

I was recently employed at a non-profit organization that worked my 9 year old daughter far more than the entire leadership team combined. They eventually demoted me to a volunteer position because my known and disclosed disability prevents me from safely working full-time. It's a nightmare. I just get done dirty continuously, too. No justice because I lack equity and capital. * edited to clarify that I had no child care so my daughter accompanied me to work. Which is where my employer encouraged my daughter to volunteer.

I don't know what the frick any of that means but I'm saving this lolcow for another look later

Oh my god. They will do anything, ANYTHING before baying living wages. Let me know when the workers revolution is happening..

Sure.

Ilona Ramazanova, the woman featured in all the channel's videos, makes videos since 4 years ago (but stopped making videos until 2 years ago), and continuing today (she posted a video on march 10 2023) that consist of around 30 minute rants about things such as claiming to be harassed by the FBI, titled with the date they were made. A few videos on the channel are different from this, such as the first 2 videos, one of which is just an introduction to the videos, which she claims tell her life experience of FBI harassment where she wears a mask, although this doesn't work to hide her identity as nearly every other video features her face. Some videos also feature her son's face

Other individual strange videos are:

A video claiming she and her son were poisoned by the FBI, in the description of the video she claims her son had 3 circumcisions and that the doctors heckin prescribed him eyeglasses he didn't need

A video where she talks to someone, presumably Dania, which she claims is one of the FBI harassers and recorded her through her webcam:

In this video she files a consumer fraud complaint about the alleged harassment, including the claim that her neighbors are all FBI. Interestingly, one of the tabs open is the TOR project, so it's possible she isn't the tech boomer you'd expect to be posting targeted individual rants, but one of the things she claimed the FBI was doing in her complaint was rerouting her internet, which implies she clicked on a sketchy link like a and got a virus.

Possibly a shitpost but seems unironic, the video is a camera panning over a drawing of Jesus with fangs and she claims she "worked all morning on this".

2 videos where she records the police, it's hard to hear anything but this is probably the alleged harassment

The video is a recording of a phone call where she tries to describe the harassment but isn't very descriptive

Awful camera, but in this video she actually talks to an FBI agent on camera, and brings one of the products she suspected was poisoned, and claims that the FBI was forcing her to watch inappropriate videos which were "stuff that I know is not on the actual YouTube because there are channels that are you know like inappropriate" (one of her personality traits seems to be using poor grammar in speech and lots of filler words). Yeah right, the FBI totally made you click that link and get a virus . She also claims that when she shopped on amazon, products from those videos appeared. She also doesn't know how to report things to youtube, and her camera freezes at 5:30. Later at 22 minutes in she tries to get the name of the officer she was talking to, and it seems like someone escorts her out of the building.

Pretty good fight tho, shame Reddit has to ruin everything fun.

Bottom text

I can't tell if this is guy is doing a bit — he's really losing it — or a little of both. Either way he has an interesting face and is worth a watch.

🙠 🙠   shit or go blind   🙢 🙢

this is my personal favorite

🙠 🙠   kroger assgrab   🙢 🙢

🙠 🙠   ambiguous genitalia   🙢 🙢

the eye twitch here makes me lean towards 'bit' but then he makes that weirdass noise

cannulagarry3 on instagram

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autodrama: returning jobs to dramneurodivergents. Ping HeyMoon if there are any problems or you have a suggestion

It goes the other way too, Americans reacting to songs and stuff.

Hi everyone, long time no see. I am looking to commission some digital art from a talented dramatard for my short film You can use AI if you want but it needs to be in a very specific style. I wanted to keep it in the family and not pay some off Twitter You can have my marsey bucks or actual bucks (or both!).

Much love!

-Bruce

Melvin Melvin brother of the joker

Is there any tl;dr analysis? Yes I am too lazy to look it up any harder.

Hi artcels I need to commission some AI art for a short film. I can pay in marcybucks or actual bucks. Much love!