EFFORTPOST My history of being rejected by women

It's a sad morning. I can't think of anything but the numerous rejections I've faced throughout my life. Women don't find me attractive, they've told me this in uncertain terms, and I don't know why it's taken me almost 30 years to finally get the message. In this post I'll share all the rejection I remember.

2006

My first rejection was a relatively mild one. It occurred when I was in 5th grade and I thought this girl in my class was cute. She was a Black girl and she had dated a friend of mine. I bought her chocolate and she rejected it completely and would not take it from me. After that it was awkward for the rest of year because we were in the same class and she knew I had a crush on her.

2007

In the 6th grade I had a crush on another Black girl in my class. I sat next to her, and she was a somewhat bigger girl. During camp, I admitted to my friends that I had feelings for her and they told her. She made it clear that the feelings weren't reciprocal. More awkwardness ensued as I had to sit next to her for the rest of the year.

2008

In the 7th grade the girls in my class made a "Hot or Not" list. Predictably, I was on the "Not" side. The list was passed around in class so my shame could be publicized. Right here, at age 13, when an entire room of girls could unanimously agree that I'm ugly, this should have been the moment when I accept that no women would ever find me attractive. Unfortunately, I had far too much hope.

2010

In the ninth grade, I dealt with my first major rejection. I had a crush on a girl in my class. She was Indian, and she was a good friend of mine. We'd hang around together a lot and she was nice to me. I wanted to do something nice for her when I asked her out so I learned HTML and I made a website dedicated to her. I brought my PSP to school and I showed her the website which ended with me asking her out. She rejected me and it was so painful it plunged me into depression. I had never felt heartbreak like that ever.

This wouldn't be the only rejection I suffered in 2010. I was part of a cohort that had an academic scholarship, and we were taken on a camp together with students from other schools who were part of the same scholarship. At night, the girls came to our dorm and fetched some of us because they wanted to play spin the bottle. What ensued is an evening of crippling shame. Every time the bottle landed on me, the girls would look upon me with abject disgust when they realised they had to kiss me. It became a running joke that I was the ugly, unwanted creature there giving women the ick. It was made abundantly clear to me that in no way did any of the women present find me remotely attractive and in fact they were positively repulsed by me. I will never forget this night. Brutal humiliation in front of my peers.

2011

I finally got a gf! She was a short, Black girl that seemed affectionately enough. However, she was cheating on me, she ignored me, and she constantly asked me for money. I knew she was cheating on me but I turned a blind eye because I finally had a gf, but it hurt me immensely and I couldn't take it anymore. I broke up with her in 2013.

2013

There was a girl, Black, who approached me and wanted me to help her with Physics since I was good at it and she wasn't. She started coming to my Physics afterschool tutorials with me, and because she was a poorcel, I paid for her lessons. I eventually developed feelings for her and I wrote her a love letter. She turned me down. It was emotionally brutal.

2014

In university, the girls in the cafeteria would make fun of me and call me a 14-year-old because I was short. I eventually stopped going and just ate food in my room in my third year until I moved out into my own place. Even the warden of my residence called me the "short one".

2016

This is the year I tried online dating. Got no matches on any of the apps. I chatted to one girl on Fetlife but when she saw my picture she started bullying me. This was also the year I gave up and started identifying as an asexual. I wove my past into a story of "compulsory heterosexuality" forged from ideas by feminist scholars such as Adrianne Rich. "I never wanted to date girls, I had simply been socialized that way!" The cope helped to alleviate the pain but as you all know, the delusion didn't last forever and I eventually gave up the asexual label and accepted that I was an incel, but that would take years.

One good thing came out of this, which is that I joined AVEN (Asexuality Visibility and Education Network) and met Sarah who would become a close friend of mine.

2023

After years of identifying as asexual, I got back into the game. I had a collossal crush on Sarah, and I couldn't hold it in anymore. I told her about it and I got brutally rejected. I wrote about it in this post.

https://rdrama.net/post/224434/i-told-my-friend-i-have

This rejection affected me immensely, and I fell into dangerous self-harm. I even ended up spending time in the psych ward in part because of the heartbreak. I couldn't handle it.

Conclusion

These are just some of the more notable rejections I have suffered. I've felt hate from teachers, police, and random looks of disgust in public. I've had babies in public comment on how dark I am, and people are shocked I'm old enough to drive. I'm stuck in forever childhood. I am a beast, a cretin, I am Frankenstein's monster. I was born at the bottom of the totem pole in terms of race, and I have been cursed to look up at everybody for my whole life. Do you know how brutal it is to have everybody looking down on you? My life as a five foot one blackcel has been a string of bad memories and rejections, and the truth is that it's fricking awful. Moving through society is hard as a five foot one black male. The strength it takes to go outside... sometimes I don't have it.

When normies are rejected, it's usually for something that they can improve upon. "I don't like shy guys", "we're not into the same things", "I like buff guys". When incels are rejected, they are usually experiencing genuine forms of prejudice and discrimination. We are shunned because of things we cannot change - we're short, or ugly, or dark-skinned, or the wrong race.

If you failed because of those factors in any other endeavor in life, and you expressed pain and trauma, you would be completely heard and sympathized with. e.g. if you lose a job because you're too shy, well that's a geniune reason to not hire someone. If you lose a job because you're ugly, EVERYONE would understand why you're hurt and traumatized by that. Yet, for some reason, people pretend to be oblivious to the source of our pain when we explain that we're being rejected and discriminated against because of ugliness, height, and other factors we cannot change.

If you were black and you couldn't get a job no matter how much you studied, the horror of your life would be obvious to all. If you're short, and you can't get a gf no matter what you achieve in your life, there is seemingly no reason for you to be upset, according to normies.

This is the reason why I will NEVER act on my feelings for women EVER AGAIN. If you've ever been redpilled you must have heard some variation of this advice: "Rejection is nothing bro! I challenge you to get rejected by 100 girls! The more rejection you experience the easier it gets!" It's not true. Rejections beat you down more. They crush what little self-esteem you have left. Nothing good comes from rejection. It is good to avoid rejection, it is an act of self preservation.

I'd like ONE (1) single biological woman here admit that they would date a 5'1 male. Be HONEST. It's OVER and we all know it. If you're about to turn 30 and you've experienced nothing but rejection your whole life, it is highly unlikely that fate will suddenly change on my 30th birthday and I'll suddenly become a Chad. The biggest predictor of the future is past patterns, and women have made it clear that they don't want me. I accept that, I hope to accept it as maturely as possible. I don't hate women, I don't think they're bad, and I don't blame them for not being attracted to me. However, I can't deny that it hurts like heck.