!furries !cuteandvalid !bottoms I spent 30 minutes on this

Whiplash from the Uber I took to work. Slammed into my laptop. Company laptop btfo'd too. Driver took me to the emergency trauma centre.

Darn they poot 8 stitches in my face.

Just got off the phone with my mom and boss. Guess who's WFHing for the next month.

Pretty much drooping like a dog now from all the anaesthetics they injected into my face

Told the doctors to not give me any painkiller or oxy or anything like that.

Touching my chin every two seconds to get that beautiful pain feel.

Sorry for the phoneposting.

The place is alright but I dont want to be here. I want to go home so badly. I can't stop thinking about work and going back to normalcy.

I want to stop taking medication and feeling overwelmed by life. I know can't stop suffering, but I can learn to endure it with dignity. My hope is that this journey starts today. When I leave, I must never cut again. That era is over.

So far, I can describe the feeling as uncomfortable. I'm in high care because of the nature of my self harm and I admitted I'm suicidal. Fricked myself over. Never admit to being suicidal to anyone in a uniform or a coat. You're so fricked if you do. Now I'm under observation in a special ward. I get checked on like every half hour.

They wanted a urine sample, which they received. I gave my piss to a cutie lol kinda based. I admitted to weed use prior. I actually have no clue what they'll find. How long does DMT stay in your piss?

They also searched my bag. They found my Steam Deck and let me keep it which means I have a desktop even though laptops aren't allowed

I'm sharing a room with someone who doesn't sleep. You can tell they're manic because they won't shut up, they'll talk endlessly to anyone and everyone. He's like the opposite of me. Tall extrovert male vs small introvert male. He is also talking endlessly about religion.

I'm leaving on Thursday and I don't give a shit what they say. It sucks but I need it so badly. I already feel healing from just being around others. Like a kind of desensitization. Most people here are visibly screwed. Either drug habits or in the throes of mania like my roommate. I only fit in if I pull down my pants. One look at my thighs and it's obvious I belong here. These are my kinfolk.

The food is nice, which is good and the staff is lovely. The constant supervision sucks but it's my fault I admitted I feel suicidal at times. But I am suicidal and I do cut myself, so I'm where I need to be. This is the consequence of honesty.

That's the bottom line, everything happening right now is deserved. I do cut myself,  I am suicidal, and none of this will stop until I just do the sneedful, take my spanking from life, and finally come out the other side. This is the spanking part.

I'm noticing how much benzos took from me. It shut life out, but it also killed - absolutely murdered - my creativity. No more. I just want to create art sober. I don't need weed or benzos. Also, for all you "muh benzo addiction" fellows, I was never addicted and I quit no problem.

Weed was harder to let go of because it's fun. Life is too short to lose hours of it to a fricking pill because you're sad that a stranger said something mean or was rude to you. Just accept the frigging suffering. Life is literally, undoubtedly about suffering and your response to it. That defines who you are.

I'm hoping to learn how to not cut myself and accept when bad shit happens whether it's my fault or not. Old me would be reaching for pills, and new me just takes it on the chin. I want to create art, and I need to forego benzos to do that. Once I leave it's sobriety. No benzoes or weed (might finish the vapes I have left though lol)

It may sound corny but I've been listening to Eminem a lot these days and relate to his life story. He's been sober for over a decade and I believe I can do the same.

Part of thr problem is that I have so many secrets and points of shame. I've decided to take the 8 mile approach. Just expose yourself before anyone else does. Then you can shit on them while they can only repeated what you said. Just admit you're a brainlet if you know you are or if you're fat just own it without being a whiny b-word about it.

So here's a big HECK YEAH IT'S TRUE list

>I'm short and ugly

>I'm a brainlet

>I make bad choices

>I've been a liar

>Women find me physically unattractive

>I've criticized other for porn use then used it too for hours

>I treat women in my life like therapists

>There is nobody to blame for my failed PhD but me - I had a fair shot and I blew it. Plenty of people struggle with supervisors and still get their degrees. The problem is me.

>I write these posts because I want attention and acceptance

>I'm a polydrug addict

>My dad attempted suicide in front of me as a child

>My dad beat and threatened me for a good chunk of my childhood

>I've been rejected before, which is what makes Sarah's rejection worse

>Sarah had good reasons to reject me - I'm nuts

>I dislike women on some level, not hate but close to it

>I wasn't responsible enough for a job in university and pretty much caused a newspaper to shut down because of my incompetence

>I #metoo'd a girl by spanking her butt at a party in university

That's all I can think of now. Now shame me, it's okay. I already did it. What have you done? Lies and secrets man, lies and secrets. Avoid them because they are your biggest problems.

These things dont give me shame anymore, they're just facts. I already know I'm 156cm, insecure, and am ugly. Tell me something new. If you judge me, that says more about you than the opposite.

I've hurt others. For that I apologize. It doesn't make me a bad person. We're all that way. Grey - good and bad. It's a personality flaw to see only one aspect of a human instead of a wholistic view. I can say I love my dad despitr his violence, because he also provided for me. He's grey. I need to do the same for myself when I think about who I am as a person.

Sarah rejecting me isn't what brought me here. It's the straw that broke the camel's back. It's time to move on.

Thanks for reading if you did. Once I'm back home I'll treat my Groomercord buddies with more respect and lean into my art more. This is my life, nobody else's, and it doesn't have to look any specific way, and I sure as heck don't expect it to be easy. I've made my choices and there's no turning back now. I'll make the most of what I have.

Sometimes after a night of heavy drinking my shit smells like some artificial fruit flavor. Dae?

i am a full time groomercord moderator and right now i am managing 10 servers at once, I enjoy my job, i enjoy interacting with different communities and it's nice that people recognize me in all the chats, Recently my mother has been nagging me to get a job even though groomercord is my job. We had family and cousins over for dinner once and they were discussing their job prospects , My cousin is a firefighter and was talking about how physically exhausting it can be to climb ladders and manage the fire equipment. I also say that my job is hard and that my fingers get tired and that i have to do special hand/finger stretches so i dont get carpal tunnel. I heard my brother smirk and i realized that none of them take what i love to do seriously, so i stormed back to my room

A few weeks passed and i was in the middle of getting a promotion and training to become an admin when my mother opened the door and asked to speak to me , i sighed and deafened myself since i was on call, She looked at me with sad eyes and said 'Honey your father and i are kicking you out in 2 weeks if you dont get a job" , I replied telling her that once again this is my job, she then asked if i make any money from it which i replied one of the owners bought me a month of nitro for helping manage a groomercord raid, she told me that she didnt understand what nitro was or what a raid was, she once again told me or thats it, I am 28 years old, this is my dream and my passion, i am in the middle of completing my training and getting my admin certificate, i dont even want to imagine what my kittens would do without me if i cant go on my pc to use groomercord

What should i do? Any advice? Please help me because i am serious

Hello people it's been a long time.

I am going to keep this short as I have an actual life to go back to.

I got myself addicted to improving myself.

I fixed my head so that when I am sad I can still work.

I fixed my health so every day my body improves over time.

I have been meeting new people every day and improving my social skills. Thankfully I live in the third world so everybody has been fricking up in some way or the other so it's easy to make friends without being ashamed. I got my story straight so that now it's less embarrassing to tell and I can keep going.

I still have no job but that's the last step.

Things keep improving for me.

If you are a man my recommendation is to become an extrovert. There is a night and day difference in quality of life for man at least when it comes to interacting with the world and whether they are introverted or extroverted.

My next recommendation is to exercise, every day you can without injuring yourself. Preferably at least 4 days a week exercise 1 hour a day. This is so that you are getting the good exercise chemicals building up inside you over time and your general testosterone baseline rises ( I think that's what happens, primary point being that you will feel better over time as you get fitter )

My last recommendation is to give up porn completely or as close to completely as possible for you. The reason for this is that porn is too easy, you get too much free dopamine without doing anything real with your life. The dopamine system is supposed to help you do useful things with your life, it's been hacked by the marketing teams around the world. You have to struggle and fight to take back control of your mind from the bread and circuses put out there to keep you under their influence.

Good luck.

I will see you whenever I come online here next if ever.

Love you all. Keep working on yourselves. I believe in you.

I wasnt really sad because I feel like grandpa's been suffering a lot these past few years due to all his medical problems, and death finally releases him from that.

But my older brother and cousin crying got me really sad too because I've never really seen them cry.

I just learned that you can give a tab group a name

@LiterallyShaking IF TABS ARENT BOOKMARKS HOW COME I CAN DO THIS? HUH? HUH?

I'm still kinda mad about that. I'm the one holding it in the photo for fricks sake

Idk if you've ever had one, but they taste like shit. I would rather smoke a whole butt pack of mint than one ever again.

I have an external AC unit they'd shit and fight all over so I installed some plastic spikes on top. Being a I cheaped out on the double sided tape cause the package came with too little of it, so like half went on with just bits of double sided tape instead of the whole bottom covered. The window has remained closed for a while so I didn't notice but frickers removed that half and had built a nest on the space. Finally saw it today so I suited up in plastic bags and cleared it out then bought very expensive double sided tape to properly stick on those spikes(thankfully I had leftovers). Then I was sitting by the window to see what they did. A pigeon kept repeatedly sitting at the very edge of the unit, were the spikes didn't quiet poke it hard and using its bodymass trying to pry the spike off to one sided. One more from the past lot was a bit loose and it promptly zeroed in on it. So I picked it back up and applied proper tape on it and then put it back there again. Since, it has stopped trying. I legit didn't realise their brains had short term memory or reasoning capabilities like this.

They should still all be genocided though. Disgusting pests.

..

There were three interviewers. One was a woman. She told me did you rehearse that line?

Other than that and another question, everything went well

At one point someone asked what is systemic risk, and at first I said "beta". One dude said But what is beta. I said systemic risk. They all started laughing and said "explain what you're saying"

Then I went into CAL, efficient frontier and shit.

I had fun. Can't say the same about the poor interviewers.

Trans Lives Matter

There's a very good chance that will happen, I'll try to get some rdrama exclusives for us.

Please forget they saw them because those are for me. I really don't want to have to start locking my office to just play FFXVI or Halo. Next they're probably going to use my computer to be degen weebs like me and watch Crunchyroll instead of doing their job.