If you know some people and you know that they're stupid, avoid bringing them together because their collective stupidity will be much greater than the sum of it their individual ones.

Do you believe rdrama represents an exception to this rule or not? Explain your answer BIPOC.

Why not write this later after the jump

Becuase I might go to another nightclub that Friday. In 2024, I will get a girlfriend. Too high to get more hollys. enjoy yjrdr

Piercing

Can't stop thinking about it. It's a sign Yeah, I'm getting a facial piericng. Maybe my first won't be in a noticeable but we're eventually doing the face. My old Benzos made me calm and talkative. These just zone the frick out of. I feel like a shameless zombie.

If I knew even one girl IRL I'd be hitting her up. I think I'll ask my Loctitian (male) to a bar next week. I've got so many ideas like making massive straws that rich Westermers can enter in Africa sterilized straw and thirsty Africans can just get quenched like help folks reach their destination

Th aimbian in is the fridge. Don't take it, you've had enough. Therapeutic doses are nice! I just get enjoy alternative states of mind where you arn't being Seft-loathing and anxious 247.

Preparations

As I previously mentioned, my skydiving was delayed to this Friday because of the weather. In the lead-up to skydiving, it has occurred to me that I'm not really afraid of it. The thought doesn't give me anxiety, just a bit of excitement actually.

This is notable, as going to a nightclub gave me fear-induced diarrhea. Speaking to women terrifies me more than jumping out of a plane. If given the option to leap from a plane with a parachute or spend an hour talking to a woman, jumping out of a plane is the thought that scares me less.

What the everloving frick is going on here? What explains this? My belief is that there are things more terrifying than death, and most of them are socially related. Things like humiliation, rejection, and scorn. They are more real and easy to encounter than death so they become these massive monsters.

These social dangers also happen to be expertly wielded by women. Being rejected at university doesn't hurt like being rejected by a girl. I don't know why, but that's the way it is. Women hold this intense power to completely crush my sense of self-worth. A rejection from a woman feels like it's infused with moral castigation - as if you earned it because you're a bad person.

Getting a work rejection or something similar? Oh well, it's just a corporation. I've been rejected hundreds of times professionally. Had numerous applications that received the “we regret to inform you…” email and although it sucks, none of it crushed me to my core like getting rejected by S.H.

==========

Quick notes from Holly!

The phobia of women of women is known as gynophobia. It shouldn't be confused with misogyny, which is the hatred of women.

According to mythologist Joseph Campbell, gynophobia makes an appearance in plenty of global mythology. Most notably, in the form of vagina dendata - the toothed vagina. In Primordial Mythology he speaks of the Native American story of the boy living in a house of toothed vaginas: “they had strong teeth with which they had eaten their victims. But this medicine destroyed their teeth entirely.” The medicine made them orgasm, as is explained in the tale.

Of course Sigmund Freud would also have an opinion on gynophobia. Who cares!

==========

So, to sum up, I don't care too much about skydiving. I didn't prepare, and didn't read anything about the experience beforehand or what to expect. I didn't even research the business to see if it has a good track record. They could have ten deaths and I wouldn't know.

I purchased a skydive from the highest point offered which is from 11000 feet. I have no idea how high that is, but it comes with a 40-second freefall. Okay. There were also recording options. You could pay to have the fall recorded go-pro style or you could pay someone to record you from 3rd person, or you could opt for both. I went with the regular go-pro option because I wasn't interested in seeing my face. I just wanted proof that I did the thing.

They wanted payment beforehand, which I did and was grateful for because once again I was “locked-in” to the event and couldn't leave because I paid for it already. Consequently, I have no choice but to either act regardless of fear (of driving), or to lose all my money.

conclusion

I haven't fapped this year. I'm trying to touch grass. I'm working out at andsseing psychiatric help. Miracles happen to the deserving. People who crush the economy have duplicate lives. Killers hit hard and cheat. But, and, but /Jesus and the ultimate prof then maybe life has value there is something to be done here.

Last thing: why are inels considered misogynistic? As though men wo have gf arent? Clearly hating women isn't a turn-off unless you're ugly. Think about how “incel” killings there are to family annihilators and it becomes obvious that incels are no worse in their perceptions than regular men.

Not talking blackpikll/andew tate shit. I mean a normie is not worse to women than incels. Respecting women isn't the silver bullet (still, be kind to women.) they make it out to be.

I'd also like to write a report on the following topics

Christchruch massacre + royal report

Oxform shooter + legal analysis/or same for Orlando shooting

I don't want to be a narcissist wring about my own life essays. Would you read such a lengthy docmiementl Depednding on my mental stat Ill watch te videol and descrbe in full what happened during the events.

Looking to get back into pirating again, gonna order a NAS soon (flashtor 6bay with 3 2tb WD red NVMEs in raid 5)have Kodi running on my PC and Kodi on my Amazon fire to watch movies/TV shows in my living room. Anyone here a pirate chad? How do you do it? Currently using tPb for movies and shows, but I've been out of the game for a while. I know a friend of mine said he basically had a share agreement set up with people he knew and trusted online so I guess I'm wondering if the way I was gonna approach it was outdated.

The reason for this is that I went through this ADHD tips site that had multiple articles and all the tips advised were relevant to me.

Then on top of that I went through all the symptoms of ADHD and I feel like I match with 33-50% of it but then I try to remember back and feel like I was taught over time to stop a lot of my ADHD habits across my teenage years and even young adulthood.

I think my parents did a good enough job of raising me that most of my symptoms got masked to the point that I was still failing at life but still did not feel like I had some actual medical condition even if I constantly felt like something was wrong with how I was connecting to people and the world.

Anyways the other problem is that I am very good at reading books. Like I could read a 300 page book in a day across multiple days over a week when I was a kid as it made me feel good about myself and I loved fiction.

I also know loads of information about multiple fictional universes lore ( Halo, Destiny, Isaac Asimov connected universe, 40k, a few bits of warhammer fantasy ) which I realize normal people don't do.

I also appear to have a high verbal IQ as far as I can gather ( only in English though ) and a high general IQ ( I took the IQ test multiple times however so I don't know if I should count that ). I am also good at abstracting concepts but bad at math.

I require things to always have a cause and effect explanation and do have trouble falling asleep.

I also when I think tend to completely zone out the noise and sights around me. Which apparently is also an ADHD symptom as I tried this noise thing where I noticed that instead of my thoughts taking over my entire mind and functions, now with the noise I could hear the thoughts at the back of my head while still being aware of my environment. I realized that's how normies must perceive the world.

So anyways, I am almost definitely sure that I have adhd, pretty sure I would fall within the ASD segment as well due to at times having trouble with socialization due to lack of experience and being unable to comprehend how others perceive me except the things I learned via active study, and slightly confident that I have a very high IQ.

This does in terms of self diagnosis make me twice exceptional indisputably. ( First exceptional - ADHD , Second exceptional - specialized knowledge about random things but also my strong and profound r-sluration skills and ability to wordswordswords post long texts every single day without much difficulty once the anxiety went away and my great verbal memory which I displayed in earlier posts where I was able to track like 300-400+ words on the little game where that number wasn't even on the list. So my second exceptional gifts were blocked off by my anxiety and the low self esteem and difficulty focusing because of the tism. )

My question to you guys is where do I go from here.

I figured out what's wrong with me with a 90% certainly. I know the solutions. But like now can I stop trying to pretend to be like other humans or what? Do I announce every time I go into a new room that I am ADHD. Do I just work to mask way harder until I am a normie. Or should I double confirm by getting me the ADHD medication and seeing if that has an effect on me?

Thanks for your input.

Good luck to me and good luck to you.

Got asked why I no longer work at a previous clinic, told them I'm done and got a survey to request why. Every answer is a 1. If you want me back, blackmail me and force my return.

I hate practicing and being randomly forced to teach, I hate interacting with patients and I hate going to meetings. Let me frick off and not deal with this bullshit. I'll do work if it keeps my license but anything else they better have a good reason

I have collected enough positive networks in my brain to balance out all the bad crumbs that were left over. I feel a little alive again as my baseline.

Even slept for 5-6 hours but slept like a baby and managed to get up easily. The power of love truly does perform miracles on the human psyche.

I also ended up being honest with myself and managed to determine exactly what I want out of life ( not what society wants me to want out of life, what I actually definitely always like getting out of life ) and now my life has a purpose of chasing those things that I like.

Yesterday for fun I did a tarot reading, then followed it up with 3,300 ( or was it 200 or 400 at the end? ) ( Edit: I checked again - it was 3,600+ words total ) words of free word vomit posting on chudrama across three consecutive posts. That also helped me lighten up and relax. First draft posting so the quality is obviously not that great.

Today I followed that up by giving advice to my friends who now appear to come to me for suggestions even though their lives are going far better than mine in terms of life success, so I am the wise one in my friend circle.

Things are going good for me. I now intend to follow the priority based to do list today and see if I make any further gains. The power of love hopefully will be enough to overcome the places where I was still getting anxious about getting the task done to a far greater extreme than the actual difficulty of the task necessitated.

Final thoughts:

I did keep improving. I hope I will keep improving. I have things to look forward to in life now. I still don't know how much further the exit is from the hole that was my life but I will probably only know when I am long out of the hole.

Good luck to me and good luck to you.

P.S. When it comes to food go for quality over quantity once you can afford all your basic nutrition. This is to help you not get fat while still enjoying eating food. Also remember your fiber and to eat fruits and veggies as they are more filling.

It's one thing to be proud of being a doctor but do you really need to place it on the wrist. I'm a douchey person where I can post anonymously, not marking myself where people can see. Getting that tattooed just make you look like a peepee.

It's just unAmerican.

I don't know, I feel like I might regret revealing the personal information I'm going to share in this post, but let's go.

There are so many ways to approach life, and two people dealing with the same situations can take wildly varying responses to it. Prison is a good example. Others break down and become hopeless. Some become mentally calloused and emerge stronger and more psychologically stronger.

Sometimes I wonder about events in my own life, and whether I'm viewing them from the correct perspective. Do you relate? Let's take inceldom for example. At times I'm doggedly determined to bring a new life for myself. Other times it feels like I'm just being stupid and that that everything I'm trying will lead to nothing.

But who knows what life will bring? Nobody can predict that kind of thing. Well, I can be certain that suffering is coming my way because that is the nature of life. However, love is not promised. I hope I become someone worthy of life, and find the strength to withstand suffering.

Today's post will cover a bit of psychiatry as well as a discussion on some of the difficulties of escaping inceldom. I always enjoy writing these. If you're the only person reading this, then that's more than enough. It's nice to write and remind myself that my life is real, and there are other people out there.

Bipolar & OCD

After jumping through multiple hoops, I was finally able to see a psychiatrist. My issues were explained, and we had a long conversation. He asked a lot about my sexual life which was uncomfortable because I basically had to explain my inceldom. It's weird how he almost instantly detected I was an incel. First, he asked me about my orientation, which I think he was doubtful about because I'm wearing pink nail polish. Then he asked me “have you ever had a girlfriend?” instead of “do you have a girlfriend?” or “when's the last time you had a girlfriend?”. He just knows.

I was asked to fill out a bunch of questionnaires that asked me a ton of questions about my life, past, and symptoms. After looking at the questionnaire and speaking to me, he concluded that I was bipolar and OCD.

The OCD diagnosis clicked immediately with me, and it explained the nature of my self-harming and its relationship with my endless stream of self-loathing thoughts. I had never considered it, but my self-harm is of an OCD nature, and I'm driven by obsessive thoughts of self-punishment and self-loathing, which leads to impulses I struggle with and fail to control. There is also a ritual to the self-harm event, a list of things I have to do before and after. Like holy frick can I get the hand-washing or “is the oven on” OCD and not the “you must rip yourself to shreds” one? This is the worst form of OCD.

Studies on the topic have been quite revelatory to me:

The second observation was based on our patients' description of their acts of self-harm as compulsive, ritualistic, meticulous, and painless. Lack of pain during self-harm has been associated to depersonalization, hysteria, or a transient analgesic state (Simpson, 1973; Takeuchi et al, 1986; Favazza & Conterio, 1989). Our patients seem to fall into the category of describing their act of self-harm as a transient analgesic state usually followed by pleasure, release of tension, or a feeling of well-being

https://www.researchgate.net/profile/Fugen-Neziroglu/publication/15305679_Self-mutilation_anorexia_and_dysmenorrhea_in_obsessive_compulsive_disorder/links/5a020f560f7e9b6887472acc/Self-mutilation-anorexia-and-dysmenorrhea-in-obsessive-compulsive-disorder.pdf

I've stated this prior, but please don't self-harm. I know that I'm not the only one here who does this, and we all have our reasons. However, if you have some control over it, exercise it and don't do it. If you must, do it somewhere clothes can cover. You DO NOT want an arm full of cut marks. It will permanently stigmatize you. Regardless of where you self-harm, you're going to have to confront it if you ever get intimate with anyone, so it could easily extend your inceldom and leave you with lifelong body insecurities (and you have a genuine reason to be insecure because you mutilated your body you fricking crazy person).

A few cuts are one thing, especially if you're a girl. Your bf will kiss your scars. When it's clear you're in the triple digits with the cuts, it's a different matter. You look unstable (you are). It's clear it wasn't a “moment of weakness” but a lifelong mental illness that is violent in nature. Any streetsmart person is going to frick off because nothing good comes from folks like us. We sink to rock bottom and we drag you down with us - but of course, there will be folks (especially women) who are naive enough to think they can help or heal us with love.

==========

Quick notes from Holly!

So we all probably have habits and routines in our lives. That's normal. It's also normal to have intrusive thoughts at times, you know, things you think about that you probably don't want to or know are immoral. The common one people talk about is imagining just veering in front of oncoming traffic when driving. Furthermore, we all have things we do repetitively. As has often been said, humans are creatures of habit.

With OCD, all these normal traits are cranked to the max. It has to make you incapable of leading a normal life before it is considered a disorder. While I fortunately don't suffer from routine obsession (though the act of self-harming does follow a ritual), the obsessive thought of harming myself, and what I might do to myself is constant and unending. I know I am a danger to myself, that I am a bad person, and that a cutting is in order. The thought - the compulsion - is obsessive and all-consuming.

There is no escaping it. Submitting to the compulsion brings relief. But it does not end the compulsion. The thoughts will return and once again, I will be driven to the behavior which prevents me from living a normal life, one where I'm not constantly injuring myself.

==========

The bipolar diagnosis, I was not what I was expecting. However, there is a history of both diagnosed and undiagnosed psychosis in my family so I don't question it too much. I also considered my overall personality, and it may lead to atypical manifestations of bipolar that don't precisely match the stereotypes of the mental disorder.

It also shines a light that maybe I was the butthole in some situations. My PhD supervisor was mean to me, but he was also always pissed off at how I was constantly changing my thesis and throwing in a bunch of new ideas that didn't always make sense. I feel like I was kind of going hypomania on him, which makes me understand a little better why I might have pissed him off and made him not like me. It's not easy to work with someone who changes their strategic vision every week. To me, it felt like being creative. To him, it must have been impossible to work with me, especially when I refused to believe I was wrong about anything.

Some interesting research about BD and self-harm:

Previous research has found that individuals with mood disorders engage in self-harm at a higher rate than individuals with other DSM diagnoses (Selby et al., 2012). We found that individuals with bipolar disorder engage in self-harm at higher rates than individuals with a unipolar depressive disorder (52% versus 37%, respectively). This finding expands previous research showing that suicide and suicidal attempts (in addition to self-harm found in this study) are greater in individuals with bipolar disorder compared to unipolar depressive disorders (Rihmer and Kiss, 2002).

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5679240

I feel like this highlights why I need a friend, not even a girlfriend, but just a friend. Someone who can tell me, “hey man, don't get piercings all over your face, you're going to regret it in a couple of months.” Imagine if I had been treated years earlier. I might have my PhD now.

So I got some antipsychotics and more yummy benzos. Feelig light is weight, it jut's sad I don't have anyone in real to talk about different benzos and the varied types of bliss they bring. The previous stuff mad me calm and function. This one feels far for "disinhibiting" and is already doing a number on my memoy and ability to focus. I brought an embien to my room but I lost it already. Oh well.

Honestly, they prescribe benzos like candy wtf just tell a doctor of any sort you're self-harming and if it's disturbing enough they'll fill your medicine cabinet with this shit. Indubitably, I've got enough to sell on the side at this point. I'm not complaining, the druggie life is based and I'm worthless, but holy shit I wonder how many normies they're turning into repeat customers forever while frying their memory. I wrote my life is worthless on something work-related, and it just got detered. It ws a surreptitious scry for help.

Why skydiving?

What does this have to do with finding a girlfriend?

Directly? Nothing at all. Both these tests of courage won't get me a gf. My hope is that they force me out of my comfort zone so that when I am in situations where I could acquire a gf, I know what to do to fight through the fear and act. I don't want another S.H. situation where I crush for ages and then get heartbroken after months of being in love. If I like a girl, I just want the yes or no immediately so I can move on. That only happens if I speak as soon as possible.

Secondly, these are opportunities to interact with human beings. Sure, these are humans more or less paid to be nice to me, but I think I still do learn some social skills by interacting with people, even if they're at work. Hopefully, these skills will help me speak to men and women (mostly women though).

There is also the matter of filling up my time and spending my money so I don't spend it on vices. This is pivotal to nofap, as having free time is one of the biggest things that can cause me to fail. I also have to deal with the craving to simply buy women's time. I have previously discussed my idea to buy a high-end escort for non-sexual purposes. The truth is that if I ever did something like that, it would inevitably end in s*x.

Maybe not the first time, maybe not the second time, but it would eventually happen. I would pay for s*x. The whole idea was just tiptoeing into prostitution as a solution to loneliness, fooling myself into thinking I tripped and fell into it accidentally. That was the only way it was going to end.

I'm a poorcel, so I can't afford both skydiving and escorting. So by skydiving, I've made escorting impossible. Basically forced myself to do the right thing by making the wrong thing impossible. Also, there's a non-zero chance I'll meet a skydiving cutie lol

This leads me to my next problem.

Where to find women?/

Online doesn't work (I've tried Tinder and other apps, never had a match ever). My only shot is a real-life situation where I can speak to someone and hopefully attract a nice woman with my personality because my looks and height kinda frick me over on first impressions. I have no hope online.

I've joined a hiking club and the first hike is on Saturday. I'm hoping I meet a girl there. I'm doing it for the cardio (I want to remain at the group) but also to

If you go online and look up “how to get a gf”, plenty of sites suggest you try volunteering. Let me explain why this is a meme.

You usually pay to volunteer

You thought that shit was free neighbor lol. You pay to be there most of the time, especially if it concerns animals.

2. It takes place during the day, sometimes for multiple days

Want to volunteer at the animal shelter? First you need to complete a course, which probably takes a whole week or two. You got the chance to take two weeks off work to learn how to clip dog toenails?

3. It's filled with minors and old people

I visited the volunteering websites around me. All the pictures feature either boomers or high school kids. These are the only people with time to do this shit. You're not meeting single 20-something year old women here. I don't know where they are, but they aren't out volunteering lol.

This is amazing. Literal hallucinations. It did leaked too muc drownziness and my inceldim feel amplified because I want to share this warm, loving world here lol. The drowziness is getting fierce fast, but normies get this emotional happiness when they gf I would, it's all's missing. Imagine walking through the mall, holding your girl's hand. I want to experience. Im also going to join Toastermasters - that's public speaking. I know I can write the best speeches and outcompete everyone. I don't if I'll be a good hiker.

My remaining ideas are hence the following:

work on nightclub club game

Mormon church

Attend as many events as possible around me

Hiking club

I'm hoping for the easy road. Just find a cutie at the hiking club on the first week, we get married the following week and this Incel nightmare is finally over. But I know at this point that life doesn't work this way.

Conclusion

In 2024, I will get a gf. Sorry, very confusing. I forget what I'm doing. I lost an ambin pill but that's okay i think just enjoying this is based. Weeed dabing while I listen to Midnight mauraudres by /A Tribe Called Quest RIP 5 foot freak very based benzo. Imagine if my dentist gives me more benzos loli lost my ambien pill but it doesn't matter. Versed did its job.

The upside down five of swords and the upside down Queen of Pentacles.

The meaning as per the site:

Five of swords ( upside down ):

Reversed

Forgiveness

Reconciliation

Making Amends

Queen of pentacles ( Upside down ):

Reversed

Jealousy

Obsession to the Material World

Suspicious

Focus on Social Status

Unfaithful

My translation:

I am going to learn to let go and love the world again. i am going to forgive myself all my great fuck ups, I am going to forgive my friends and family ( While still respecting my own decisions ) and I am going to love everybody as best as I can without giving up myself in the process.

The queen of pentacles bit:

I have to accept that I am a materialist at heart. I can feel strong passions for the women in my life but I am incapable of truly settling down right now. This means I will be loving the hell out of the women I come across but never settle down for the next few years. This will make me appear as a shallow asshole to outsiders but I am serious about consent so I wouldn't be doing anything to the women I meet that they didn't enthusiastically say yes to. I will also begin to climb up the social hierarchy of the world just by pushing my self and improving every single day. I will quite possibly break a few hearts along the process without meaning to. That makes me sad but honestly does sound like exactly how things will go. I don't think the jealousy and suspicion bits apply to me but who knows maybe the tarot sees something in me that I cannot perceive in myself.

@Grue

Why the frick I gotta do dishes what just cuz they're dirty? Fricking r-slurred butt gay butt bullshit for real

i might wanna get a haircut soon, its been a while. I have long black hair that goes down past my chest. suggest styles for me!! no pixie cuts or bangs pls

!besties !cuteandvalid

I was trying to sleep too early before this, but now realize I have nothing to prove to anyone, just things to get done, and a later sleep time is more effective to get me what I want.

Today I tried doing nothing.

Doing nothing made me feel miserable. I have successfully reprogrammed my brain to always be pushing and looking for the next little challenge that is going to be useful to me.

I have also reorganized my to do list based on priority.

The last thing left for me to do starting tomorrow is to plug in any wasted time gaps in between the tasks.

I honestly cannot think of anything else to do to improve my life right now.

If I still don't succeed there is something wrong with society.

Good luck to me and to you.

I feel like now I am moving on to the pro leagues after implementing these two changes.

1. I woke up late today. Which I am okay with for now. The main issue is I realized that I really need to shift from a complete equal value list of tasks to a most important to least important tasks list. Every day cannot go perfectly. So you always want to maximize returns by starting with the things that provide the most gains. This will allow me to ensure that every day even if I only manage half the list, I am still making 80% gains. So here is the lesson, don't divide your list between easy and hard. Divide it between important and less important, starting with most important in your day.

2. The second lesson I noticed is that when I get a side quest ( things I have to do that I didn't plan for ) I get a little stuck in place until that task is done, even though it doesn't require my constant attention throughout until it is done. So instead of wasting time waiting for a task to be done I am going to use up that free time brackets in between to keep working through the list.

I intent to implement both these system changes starting tomorrow.

Good luck to me.

Good luck to you.

I firstly improved my daily routine by specifically setting aside one hour for python and one hour for housecleaning. So now almost every task on the list has a bare minimum time range which ensure everything gets done at least a bit every day after which if the list is done early I can continue longer term with the priorities.

I talked to a foid on video call today. We talked for 2 hours. I opened up to her about bad experiences. I know. I know. Around foids never relax. But I am playing by Nietschein rules. If the worst thing that can happen is somebody not liking you then you can risk it.

The downside is that it drained the life out of me for the moment. I found out that in the deeper layers I am still a raw insecure human being in some ways.

I also admitted to very possibly being an neurodivergent or at least very sure something was definitely off in my skull for me to be this weird and deviated from common humanity.

I am only contacting her once a week so that I do not grow too needy and attached to someone who doesn't feel the same way back. That's always a negative experience.

Anyways I guess today I have been hitting my low and hopefully I will be fully recovered by tomorrow.

The problem with forever improving yourself is that you will always find something wrong with yourself for we aren't the ubermenschen and so there will always be something wrong with us.

Luckily for myself I have buried the instinct to keep marching on no matter what too deeply within myself so I just keep going no matter what else happens.

I will admit though, I do wish I had retained enough of my humanity to believe in love.

I am beginning to mildly worry that I might have torn too many pieces out of myself in the name of repairs.

Who knows. I will just have to rebuild them again in time I suppose.

I feel like Frankenstiens monster, but I am the one who replaced and stitched together an amalgamation of pieces on to myself.

On the bright side I did go through almost my entire list. Networking with people every day is the one skill that remains.

!metashit !BIPOCs

I just made 500 dc guys !goomblers look

It's not maybe later, it's never. I am never doing that thing you want me to. Go frick yourselves, UI designers.

Got some repair work done. Now I have to collect money from the people in the building which I am half done with. ( Leadership is a thankless task but great learning opportunity )

I have gotten very good control over hunger.

I even managed to read through a hundred pages of the python book without understanding anything, but I like to believe it's like the first two times you read it is just for your brain to catch up to such knowledge existing so I am not going to be too hard on myself for not getting it the first time.

So I got a hard thing done. It didn't make me feel great. It just made me feel empty now that the task was done.

I didn't let that put me down though. I have been here before, but this time I am prepared to handle it well and keep pushing on.

I have also gotten in touch with a foid who I seem to be getting along with in conversation.

I still don't know where my life is headed, but I know I am giving it every moment of my time I can to get out of my hole, so for now that will have to be enough. Each day getting better bit by bit.

Good luck to you and happy thoughts your way.