I really don't like animal mistreatment like this and it's pissing me off

Any advice?

I've worked from home as much as possible, fricked out of the state multiple times, used every sick day to frick off and goomble, showed up piss drunk and give them most of my work so I just have to give a signature. I don't even know half the shit I've signed off on.

Somehow it's a surprise that they announced my departure and are recruiting that position.

Helped get the outside drain fixed.

Have to collect the money today for more repairs from the other people in the building. Hope that works out smoothly.

My face is starting to look like an actual formal adults who has shit figured out.

I also helped search for housing for a friend.

And set up a meeting with another person I haven't talked to in years in another city this month.

On top of this I did my entire routine list except for python (sorry there just wasn't enough time )

I am just continuing on with a new days routine because my sleep cycle is a few hours off right now. The cost of pushing till the edge.

I am also talking to more women and men both.

I am no longer exhausted by extroversion.

I managed to mild hack my brain into always wanting to do the next work on myself thing.

If you asked me what I did today for every day I would have a new different answer for the extra thing I did that day.

I think this might really be my year.

Thanks for the support.

I am active from the moment I wake up till the moment I go to sleep now.

Good luck.

You've heard of banks being too big to fail. Well I am currently stuck in NJ as some b-word from United said chewy was too big to fly.

I will prob end up driving home.

Not even worth watching smh

For me it's

GOLDEN RETRIEVER: You love anyone who's nice to you, and can't understand those who aren't.

NAPOLEON DYNAMITE: You're that weirdo on the grind about... I don't know. Somewhere to go, nowhere to be.

HIGH-FUNCTIONING SCHIZO: You live in harmony with the voices.

TRANSCENDENT AUTIST: You're neurodivergent but pass.

OMNIMASTER OF THE DARK ARTS: You sought forbidden knowledge, but it made you dead inside.

EPISTEMIC VACUUM CLEANER: You need deets the same way you need air.

HECKIN' WHOLESOME: You're a good kid. Santa's little helper, mommy's favorite.

TOTAL TEETOTALER: You believe corn syrup is a gateway drug. Just say no to fluoride.

I'll keep releasing hot takes like that till one can finally make marsey viral here. Too bad none of the rightoids took the bait on that one.

I've never seen a total solar eclipse before so I'm excited!

Who else is going?

My brain front got really active and keeps scaling up every day.

I managed to get into bed at like 01 am.

Now I am already up by 4am. I don't feel completely exhausted and worn down.

It's funny because I usually sleep 10 hours a day.

I counted till 2,700 in my head missing a lot of numbers along the way ( I presume that's when I fell into a few minutes of sleep at random ), and I was off by around 10-15 minutes from when I intended to wake up.

Pretty neat stuff. I will probably never be able to repeat it again.

But in case this stuff sticks, I want you to know you need to research cognitive theories and apply their principles and there is a chance that you can actually level up mentally.

Anyways, going to do the list today again. More longer effort till sleep time on Python at the end so I don't repeat a cycle early.

Hopefully with the missing sleep I will be able to sleep early and on time today.

Good day to you all.

Good luck.

The fuzziest, cuddliest shirt I ever felt and great news they have a men's line so it's NOT a girl's shirt and you're definitely not gay for wearing it

Also mods can I plz get skinny badge, thanks.

I was going to post this with my skydiving story tomorrow, but I thought I'd get this out the way first instead of making a 10-page post that covers a bunch of unrelated topics. I've also got a manicure appointment for Monday and a trip to the psychiatrist on Tuesday. Maybe I'll wait for Tuesday to cover skydiving, manicure, psychiatrist visits, and gynophobia in one go. But who knows? I was supposed to write a Holly biography months ago but that hasn't happened.

The Adventures of Pinocchio

I recently read this text and it had an incredible impact on me. I don't know why this is the archetypal book about lying because very little of it actually concerns the deed. Minimal scenes feature the whole nose-growing gimmick from the puppet.

The overwhelming majority of the text is in fact Pinocchio getting lied to and repeatedly swindled. Far more than “don't lie”, the underlying lesson is “don't be exploited”. As the book highlights this is a position you can mostly avoid by living the straight and narrow life, and doing as you're taught.

I related to this book a lot because I feel like I made the same mistakes the puppet did and faced some of the consequences. Since childhood you're told that it's pretty simple what's expected of you - get a respectable degree, get a good job, marry, and start your own family. When you're in your early twenties this sounds like SHIT. You gotta put on a button-down shirt and be a normie professional? Heck no, I'm special, I'm asexual I'm going to be a famous novelist I don't need your outdated boomer crap. You're being heteronormative!

I was swindled a million directions by folks promising me happiness and riches through all these alternate paths. It's false. The first thing I was told was the correct one, and if I had just continued doing that I would not be facing none of the problems I'm tangled in now.

This is not to say that no other life will give you fulfillment. There are good reasons sometimes to not be a normie - you're gay, you're incapable of monogamy, you're horribly disabled, you're a genius whose time is better spent on a project. But the truth is that it is exceptionally rare and unlikely that you will succeed with these paths. Being a boring normie will bring you the most happiness in almost all cases.

I'm witnessing this now with my parents. They're not perfect people, but they did the normie road, and they're feasting on the fruits of their labor. They both retired in their early 60s and they're financially well-endowed. My dad buys sports cars for fun and picks up random hobbies like playing the keyboard. My mom gets to enjoy finally resting after a long life, and she has no financial issues to worry about. They also have each other in old age.

Holy frick I want that life. I want to retire at 60 and have a loving wife to grow old with. I don't want to work until I die, I won't want to rent until I die, I don't want to be poor when I'm old - that is all suffering, intense suffering, but you don't even anticipate it when you're in your 20s because your brain's not fully developed. Well, some people are mature enough to plan out their lives. I'm not one of those people.

Ultimately, Pinocchio is a puppet in multiple ways:

a) Physically - which needs no explanation

b) Socially - he strays from the straight and narrow, and refuses to work, and it results in him being a puppet to those offering him the promise of an idyllic life. If he just worked and earned his own money, he would be no slave to those around him, and there would be nothing they could offer him to control or tempt him.

c) Biologically - he is a slave to his impulses. He is lazy and hedonistic. Being a slave to these drives causes him to avoid work and seek pleasures however troublesome they may be. He becomes a human when these impulses no longer control him. This is the point where we stop being puppets - when the base impulses of our brains no longer manipulate us. If you can get angry and not be driven to violence, you are not a puppet. If you're lazy and you still go to the gym, you are not a puppet. You are a real human - the opposite of an NPC.

So I want to be a good boy, a real boy, a human. How much of me has to die for this to occur? Is it a matter of change, or a case of simply finding the right situations? The truth is that it is probably both. I am in need of social skills, but I also need opportunities to be a human, and they don't exist sitting in front of my computer.

My favorite quotes from The Adventures of Pinocchio

1. You scoundrel of a son! You are not even finished, and you already disobey your father! That's bad, my boy - very bad.

2. Woe to those boys who revolt against their parents, and run away from home. They will never do anything good in this world, and sooner or later they will repent bitterly.

3 I know I have been a very bad boy, and that the talking cricket was right when he said, “Disobedient children never do any good in the world.” I have learnt it at my expense, for I have suffered many misfortunes!

4. My boy, never trust people who promise to make you rich in a day. They are generally crazy swindlers.

5. I have learnt that to earn money honestly, you must know how to do it with the labour of your hands, or with your brains.

6. How many dreadful things have happened to me! And I deserved them, for I am obstinate as a mule and deceitful as Lethe himself. I always wanted my own way, and never listened to those who loved me, and who had a thousand times more sense than I had. But from now I shall lead a different life, and become an obedient boy. I have learnt the lesson that disobedient children never prosper, never gain anything.

7. I wanted to be a good for nothing, and a vagabond. I listened to evil companions, so I have always been unlucky. If only I had been a good boy, like so many others - if I had been willing to study and work, if I had stayed home with my poor father - I would not be here now in this lonely place.

8. He was ashamed to beg. His father had told him several times that only the aged and the crippled have a right to beg. Poor, really poor people in this world - those who really deserve help and pity - are those who , by reason of old age or sickness, are no longer able to earn their living by their own labor. It is everybody else's duty to work; and if they refuse to work, and are hungry, so much worse for them.

9. Remember that every man, rich or poor, must find something to do in this world; everybody must work. Woe to those who lead idle lives! Idleness is a dreadful disease, of which one should be cured immediately in childhood; if not, one never gets over it.

10 Boys who study always make those who don't small by comparison, and we don't like it.

11. “What can I do to deserve to become a man?” “It's very easy; you begin by being a good boy.”

12. Children who love their parents, and help them when they are sick and poor, are worthy of praise and love, even if they are not moels of obedience and good behaviour.

Being overwhelmed

Life isn't perfect, obviously. You'll do things you're not supposed to do, either by mistake or on purpose. You also can't control random events around you, or the actions of others. Consequently, disappointment is impossible to avoid.

Knowing this rationally is different from experiencing it. There's a deep pain and desire for suicide if someone hoots at me on the road, or if a social interaction doesn't go perfectly at work. The stress is unbearable, and it fills me with intense self-loathing - imagine a bucket of viscous, steaming hate being poured into a vat, and that's what it's like in my head. It feels like my very essence and core are evil, and my continued existence is an act of malevolence.

I deserve to be punished for my badness, my sinister flaws, and my inability to justify my existence. The perfect punishment - cutting. Go deep, do it multiple times, until you can't take it anymore. It hurts so bad but that's the point. Wide, white cuts what I deserve. If you're really filled with emotion you can actually do a nice swipe that doesn't just reach the white meat but also slices into it. You're left with a gaping wound, long and wide. This is pretty much stitches territory, but some improvised first-aid will also work, though you WILL scar for life.

Do it to yourself enough times, and you'll be nothing but dark lines. You run out of space, and you just cut over old scars. It looks psychotic though the act of cutting is done pretty calmly and routinely. You pick a tool, a spot to cut, and what aftercare you'll employ. It's rationally implemented, nothing like a psycho slashing away with wanton abandon. Do it enough times, you'll even have the bandages and antiseptics ready for the aftermath.

In the thick of it, weird psychological shit happens. You can forget you did it at all and wake up with a bloody bed, barely believing what you did to yourself the night prior. It hurts in the morning, but you have no recollection of any pain or anguish, even if you remember the cutting event. I really relate to these lyrics in Stan by Eminem:

>'Cause I don't really got shit else, so that shit helps when I'm depressed

>I even got a tattoo with your name across the chest

>Sometimes I even cut myself to see how much it bleeds

>It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me

The impulsiveness, the hunt for the pain I deserve, that desire to continue mutilating myself through facial piercings, it is all captured perfectly in those lines. Being depressed and not knowing what the frick else to do, but the razor blade, it promises relief, and familiarity and comfort.

Can anyone relate to the experience I'm describing? Emotions so all-consuming that slicing yourself is inevitable. It's a choice and not a choice at the same time. At that point, the cut represents everything - that ineffable inner turmoil, every past injustice, all the self-loathing, it's all concentrated in this one cut. It stays white for a few moments, then the blood flows and the excruciating pain hits - what a relief! The pain's not scattered all over my brain, it's just in one place.

My GP referred me to a psychiatrist who'll finally be seeing me next week. I've taken a vow of honesty, so I'll have to admit to drug use if he asks, which I do not want to do at all. I don't want anyone telling me to stop vaping weed because the answer is no, and I'm not arguing about it.

I haven't cut in a few weeks but we all know it's only a matter of time.

Nofap

It's very embarrassing to admit but I want to push radical honesty as far as I can as frequently as possible. I've been on nofap since 26 December for issues I'm not quite ready to delve into yet. Consequently, the thought of ending my inceldom has become an obsessive topic in my head. I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing, but it's driven me into a situation where it's at the forefront of my mind and I'm constantly scheming about how to get around this problem.

It feels like having a dirty house - you can never truly relax until you've solved the problem. With fapping, you're temporarily dulled to the truth. You've tricked your brain into thinking your house is clean. If you fap regularly, you can end up forgetting your house was dirty at all. With nofap, there are no more illusions. I need to clean my house (coom) or else I will find no peace.

Taking advice

I had previously mentioned my desire to get piercings. A few rdrama users warned me against it. You know what? I'll take your advice for now, I'm not unamenable. I desperately want to, however, and I can't promise that I won't eventually. I want to feel pain and disfigure myself. Well, better explained, I don't want to, but I crave it.

Consequently, my fifth courage challenge is to drive a long distance to an unknown place instead of acquiring my first piercing. This will be necessary to do tomorrow because the closest place that offers skydiving is an hour away, which is an hour and a half of driving for me. This will be the second-furthest I've ever driven. The first time I did long-distance driving was pre car crash so I didn't have a driving fear yet.

The thought alone terrifies me. I keep imagining myself taking a wrong turn and ending up on the wrong side of the road on the freeway, or trying to make a lane change and colliding with an SUV. Nevertheless, I'm just pushing through the fear and forcing myself to do it. The Payton Gendron quote is ingrained into my brain: “I'm doing it.”

This is genuinely the part that is the actual challenge and test of fear, far more than skydiving. I've decided to do the drive completely sober - well, almost completely sober, I'll probably vape some weed that morning as I always do but that doesn't count, it doesn't impair me. But no pills, alcohol, or anything to calm my nerves. I'm raw-dogging it.

I will bring my vape and hit it a few times when I get to the location because I do want to be baked when I skydive.

Also, fun fact: I named my car Asuka Soryu because it is orange lol

In case anyone was wondering, the five acts of courage I've committed myself to are

1. go to nightclub (complete)

2. go skydiving

3. get a manicure

4. join hiking club

5. drive long distance to unknown area

After completing them, I can take the word Coward off my mirror. A lesson from David Goggins.

conclusion

Well, going to try and get some sleep tonight so I can be ready for skydive tomorrow. I also just want to forget about work where I don't think I did everything the right way and it's stressing me out that maybe I'm a liability. Lastly, I highly advise working out. It feels very good afterward and I think it's played a big role in preventing nofap relapses - just fill up your time, free time is the enemy. You also feel a little more confident at the end even if you aren't brock lesner.

I feel like I'll regret speaking publicly about nofap but whatever. It is done. This is my truth.

I know it sounds silly but hear me out.

Sometimes in life the pressure gets to you and you can no longer perform on the thing that you need to do above all else because you got too much pressure over time while doing it.

I had trouble studying things for a few years but now I have managed to get over it.

I am now able to go on reading any study material like I was reading a novel or any other book.

This is very useful for me.

It has been a good five days so far this year.

I am also going through the motions of my to do list (new cycle) early at night because I finished my today's to do list early.

To fix the issue I have decided that whenever I have extra time left over I will spill it into studying more python that day from tomorrow onward.

Hope your day is also going good right now.

Good luck!

Had a long conversation with a foid on instagram who I haven't ever had a long conversation with before.

I am beginning to learn extrovert traits over time bit by bit.

Did not successfully do all the tasks on the task list yesterday, but managed to do the tasks till the last minute assigned for the day.

I am still improving. No longer having negative mindset.

Things improve piece by piece.

Good luck to you too on your journey.

I'm going to pivot my entire identity towards second wave ska and there is nothing you can say or do to stop me

It's my hole so go frick yourself.

Okay so psych wards are basically divided into two: regular butt people who just have depression & actually crazy people who hear things etc. It has people from all walks of life but there are usually a lot of high achievers who have burned out.

Here are some of the more memorable characters

Scott: socialite, gay, broke. They let him out after 3 days because he was just being dramatic (He sat on his balcony threatening to jump 6 stories) He was being evicted and is like 20 months behind on rent. Was desperately trying to get his rich friends to pay for his bills while inside. He told me how to become a socialite and I'm 100% going to do that this year but it's a multi-year project. #2024goals

Marci/Marsey: black crack head prostitute with a tattoo of “repent” on her forehead. PLOT TWIST: her family is fricking loaded? I heard the doctor saying “I'm not sure your family can pay the $40k rehab cost” and she was like “that's no issue”. Doctor was really confused. I asked her about it and yeah, they are. She makes like $900 a day as an escort btw (they don't enable her). Her dealer/pimp was trying to get her to go clean. She actually had a heart of gold and a great personality and I wish her the best.

Pretty girl whose name I don't remember: okay this one threw me for a loop. She was a pretty late 20s blonde with a really good job. I assumed depression/burn out like the other normal looking people. Holy. Shit. She was like “Everyone thinks I'm paranoid but there really are people after me”. I just nodded and agreed. I was too shy to get the full story of her delusions. Nice girl. Was at the age female schizo starts.

PHP:

This is partial hospitalization. It's 5 hours a day, 5 days a week of group therapy, individual therapy and meeting with a psychiatrist.

My manlet psychiatrist here refused to give me the good shit (benzos) so hopefully my hot psychiatrist at Northwestern will be more accommodating when I leave.

I have to give my pronouns literally MULTIPLE times a day. It's usually 3 or 4. I am so tempted to do “frick/this/shit” or “build/the/wall”. Maybe on my last day.

We have both depressed people here and also addicts. The addicts are WAY MORE FUN. My group, I'm sorry, it's filled with a bunch of downers.

It mainly girls, gays and theys. A lot of genders I've never heard of. Those people are actually pretty cool and easy going oddly enough?

I'm on lunch break and heading back soon. Love you guys 💋

Just booked an appointment with a podiatrist to get checked out, but it's not for a few weeks. My foot hurts and rest and massage didn't cure it. I went no barefoot walking, no running (this kills the joggercel), self massage with a lacrosse ball etc, all the stuff google results tell you to do. It's arch, big toe and heel pain. trifecta baby If I'm developing a bunion I'll fricking kill myself. Have any dramachads overcome chronic foot ailments before, if so, any helpful advice? My feet aren't sexy so I'm not going to post them

How many arguments have I used that word thinking I was making a good point but actually sounded stupid as frick….

Why didn't somebody tell me sooner.

I am more fully in the present.

In a stream of continuous now where I am busy taking needed actions.

No more long day dreams, no more getting lost in made up situations that haven't happened.

It feels good.

If this is a zen mindset then zen is awesome for productivity.

If this is not zen but just normie brains then normies kinda suck because they got this level of clarity and still don't do anything truly impressive with it.

Keep leveling up every day.

Good luck.

It's Technical Support at a lighting company. Wish me luck!

!pinknames

Edit: Thank you all

That's not a good thing but that's also not so bad a thing right now that I completely break down about it.

Going to go through my list as normal. No outside tasks today to free up a few hours of time.

Still losing weight everyday.

Still getting better at things.

Last hour of the day save to get ready for powering down and setting up plans for the next day.

Take care.

Good luck.

i keep calling him an r-slur but he insists it will work

AITA for pre-emptively laughing at this broke rightoid for breaking his new 55" TV?