Had a random epiphany today, about the times(s) he complained to me about how badly I have “let myself go”…
It's not just that it was a shitty thing to say to a woman that he allegedly “loved”. The first problem is that he said this thinking he was showing me some “tough love” by telling me a “hard truth”. He told himself that he needed to say it because I needed to hear it “for my own good”… In his mind, this makes him a “supportive partner”, and this feeling strokes his ego.
I have been haunted by his words every day since the first time he said the following (and I quote…verbatim):
“I don't know if you've realized this, but it's getting really hard to ignore how badly you've let yourself go.”
OUTCH. Ever hear something, and it just… knocks the wind right out of you? Is that really how emotional support is supposed to feel? I don't even remember what I said in reply. Cortisol flooding interferes with episodic memory storage in the brain, as I now understand. It's part of the many ways emotional trauma tends to make people physically unwell.
Sometimes, trauma causes the opposite problem, and certain memories become indelibly imprinted enough to cross the mind multiple times every day, forever. His words do that to me. It occurred to me, as i ruminated again while brushing my teeth this morning, that what I should have said to him was this:
“No, just NO, Motherlover… you took my selfhood away from me. I never “let go” of shit. Every day you tore off more and more little pieces of me, you never stopped cutting me down to size. Now you're mad that my Self is gone? Frick you.”
Felt like this was a bit too heavy to post on /r/showerthoughts, but it also felt like too big of a breakthrough not to get it off my chest.
Edited to add:
Wow, I am overwhelmed to receive so many supportive comments! I mostly posted this so I could purge some of the really big feelings that came up for me this morning, because I still had to go to work and be in a clear enough headspace to get through my day. I think I'm going to start journaling more, writing really helped me process my thoughts and feelings about what I've been through. I was really touched to read so many thoughtful and caring comments… even though it sucks that so many of you have been through some similar shit. 💜
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Trauma group therapy
Person 1: what are you here for?
Person 2: I was r*ped as a child, you?
Person 1: my boyfriend called me fat
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
All trauma is equal and valid, chud.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
fatphobia is substantially worse than any of the other trivial bullshit people go to therapy for, yes
'my parents beat me' or 'I lived on the streets at age 10' does not compare to the insidious societal fatphobia that presses against every sweaty part of every fat body in every hour of every day
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
Tell me you're a pickme without telling me you're a pickme. Don't belittle and trivialize other women's emotional truth and lived experiences
Women and trans lives matter.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Found the fatty
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
More options
Context
More options
Context
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Hardcore alpha-widowed.
Trans lives matter, unlike legacy foids'.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
Lmao
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
More options
Context
Some foids get PTSD from being r*ped, others get it from being called fat. They're the same thing if you really think about it.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
The fat people aren't getting r*ped so they need to generate victimhood somehow.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
More options
Context
I bet she was eating as she typed this
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Good.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
More options
Context
Gaining weight while in a relationship should be considered abuse and treated just as seriously.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Losing weight while in a relationship should be considered abuse and treated just as seriously.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
Wrong, idiot.
Beyond the obvious problem that any relationship with a woman is inherently abusive towards yourself, losing weight should be considered abuse.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Looking for someone to abuse me, send DMs.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
More options
Context
More options
Context
I heard from a buddy who does psychology is that for people with personality disorders generic therapy is often worse than no therapy. The therapist tries to validate them, support them, and build a connection but all the deranged fricker in the chair hears is "I'm right, this expert told me all my deranged bullshit is true, everyone is else is at fault". It's why people with PDs often have to work with really specialized MFers that do specific tard-wrangling techniques, and even then the outcomes are supposedly pretty dogshit.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
this explains a lot about this bpd woman I know who only got worse after weekly therapy
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
If your BPD foid isn't doing DBT with a really experienced psychologist then cut and run or buy a gun
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
More options
Context
More options
Context
Theme of this post:
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
If he doesn't get hard when you cry does he really love you?
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
More options
Context
a journ*list is born
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
Foids cry muh trauma about this, but see nothing wrong with their constant mind games and emotional abuse they subject men to
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
She seems really annoying in a try-hard wannabe writer kinda way.
Frick off fattie.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
Well yeah it's on reddit
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
More options
Context
women insist on bringing nothing to the table but their looks. they're fierce queens they shouldn't have to get a job or do any chores or offer any affection or put out. then they also insist on getting fat and ugly once they get married. what exactly do they think is keeping their walking wallet around?
I mean they're right because men are stupid simps who'll let themselves be walked all over, but still
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
men are stupid simps who'll let themselves be walked all over
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
80%
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
More options
Context
just dessert for the man r-slurred enough to get married
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
More options
Context
Snapshots:
undelete.pullpush.io
ghostarchive.org
archive.org
archive.ph (click to archive)
/r/showerthoughts:
ghostarchive.org
archive.org
archive.ph (click to archive)
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
THERAPEUTIC
TRAUMA
JARGON
Has ruined society (for women)
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
Imagine believing there is some way to tell a woman this where she'll react like “oh really? Ok my bad”
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
Women be out here and getting giga morbidly obese in relationships and eating tubs of ice cream per night, then get mad and blame the moid when he says "you're letting yourself go" even though she is.
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
So is the OP, lmao
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context
sounds about fat
Jump in the discussion.
No email address required.
More options
Context