Colin Dunne gave an excellent and accurate description in The Mail last week of the bare legs of an adult British male being like “uncooked pork sausages”, or “stringy calves and sunken thighs all coated in what looks like goat’s hair”.
But his observation only tackled a small aspect of the phenomenon that is Ugly Britain.
Go to any Southern European holiday spot this summer and try to spot the Brits. It isn’t hard.
Lofty men with scrappy body hair as though it’s been sporadically stuck on; a fuzzy beard they think looks macho but would make any French woman grimace.
A bod either like a beanpole or swelling with oversized muscle wrapped in tragic tattoos, which only serves to reveal their gym b-word status and make them look like some sort of caricature with Popeye arms and a pea-sized head.
Pink women lying gracelessly on deckchairs, stubbly hairs beginning to show on their legs because they still haven’t learned the art of waxing or epilating, faces pale and blotchy because every other day of the year they smother it in make-up.
And even when the British do soak up some proper sun, no full-bred Brit can master the tan as a Spaniard or Italian does. In fact, most fail completely.
As night falls, British men and women alike prepare for a “mad one”, ready to grace the strip with their scarlet presence.
Hot pants that reveal more crimson bum cheek than anyone wants to see, Primark tank tops showing “dench” arms that look like undercooked chicken drumsticks.
The locals look on with a combination of pity and amusement as we loudly jaunt around, glugging on overpriced fish bowls, either unaware or without a care that we are by far the worst-looking in the vicinity.
Rigorous scientific analysis of this well known phenomena, and Lipstick Alley's resident PHD professional opinions here:
Oh boy.
I live on the Costa del Sol and let me tell you, fat pasty sunburnt British bodies are the least of their worries in the ugliness department. Voices like nails on a chalkboard, loutish, entitled colonialist attitudes, loud ( I mean LOUD) drunkenness, spewing, pissing, pooping and shagging in public. I have seen and heard it ALL.
I grew up on a farm and a barn load of 50 head of cattle is quieter, better mannered, cleaner, better smelling, better tempered and better looking than a table of four Mancunian football hooligans and their screeching girlfriends.
Jesus be a pox that keeps them at home this summer. The past 2 summers with Covid have been heaven without them.
LAFF
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I've been waiting for the answer, thank you.
They also manage to go from cute twink to full on norf lad within a decade.
I think it's only fair to include the Irish as well, I went on tinder in Dublin and it was extremely grim.
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All femboys age this way. they hit the wall about a decade earlier than foids
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Well it's a good thing no one is trying to marry a femboy
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That’s why we kill ourselves at 30. Shine on you crazy diamonds
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I was already killed…
In the bite of ‘87
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Darn, you got rabies?
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This is why pedophilia is so rampant in the gay community
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There is absolutely no way that pic isn't a >40 year old man.
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he forgot to type the /s, disgustingly neurotypical
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Its called eatin' a working man's diet. None of this veg shite, I'll only 'ave me Gregg's and Shepard's Pie with a pint of Carlin 4 meals a day. Simple as.
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frick science
the real answer is that god made bongs ugly on purpose
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You wish god was real.
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if god isnt real then who made bongs ugly
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Science obviously
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god knew what he was doing when making bongs
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Listen up kiddo, God isn't real. If God was real, when I looked up at the sky I would see a bearded man in robes wouldn't I? Your fakey pakey bible is nothing but a place for me to blow a vape cloud on. My god, is evolution, my God is science, my god is the belief that there is no God, but only science. Have you ever seen Cosmos? Have you ever heard Carl Sagan speak? You better look out buddy, because I don't appreciate these "religious people" acting like they own the godless world. Every time I hit my vape pen I just reminisce about how stupid religion is, every time I go to crossfit I discuss why I am an atheist with my fellow gym-mates. You need a reality check Mr. Religion.
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As and atheist and classic intellectual humbled by the awareness of humanities utter insignificance in this universe I don't lightly consider myself a superhero, but living amongst religious sheep and other assorted mental adolescents I can't help feeling euphoric for evolution blessing me with an intellect that make me rise above the common rabble like only a superhero could.
I have taken to wearing a cape since I am sick and tired of being oppressed by the tyranny of intellectual mediocrity. This is the time to be seen. The time to be heard. We know that God is dead. This is the time to bury him. Rise up, my godless brother's and sister's, and let us shake the church to it's very core.
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the evil scientist yakub in his lab
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Yakub used all the creativity is his twisted and evil heart to give the bong the most atrociously ugly appearance possible.
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God made Brits so we'd better appreciate the rest of His creation.
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A man who won't frick stupid women is a man who fricks zero women.
Snapshots:
archive.org
archive.ph (click to archive)
ghostarchive.org (click to archive)
https://www.lipstickalley.com/threads/british-man-self-reflects-on-british-ugliness-compared-to-other-euros-2015.4885662/:
archive.org
archive.ph (click to archive)
ghostarchive.org (click to archive)
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bongs (especially the women) are the ugliest frickers in Europe, but what we are not gonna do, is take Black foids seriously when they complain about groups of people being too loud.
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SPEAK YOUR TRUTH QUEEN
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he’s teasing me lmao bb he’s heard me talk I ain’t that loud tbqhwyf
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for a Black woman, i guess not. for the rest of us though...
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Miss tradwife 😊
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I hate going to movie theaters in bongland
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I wanted to like this but it was written by a self-hating british student sneering at the lower classes
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I'm a Bong and was creased laughing thinking finally I'd found a Burger with a sense of humour but the smile literally vanished off my face when I realised it was another Bong.
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You're so steeped in your provincial culture that you didn't immediately recognize that isn't proper English, it's a strange Bongoloid dialect.
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Many such cases! Nobody hates the British quite like the British.
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The problem with your stereotypical Brits abroad is that you can fly to Magaluf in 2.5 hours and it costs almost nothing (think <£50 return). Then you can stay in a shithole hotel for cheap, and alcohol is half the price that you'd pay back home.
This all results in a holiday that's cheaper than staying at home, and it's sunny!
So in the last 30 years you find that "people" who historically would never leave their towns are now able to fly out to Spain, get shitfaced and suffer sunstroke within 90 minutes of landing and somehow keep drinking for 5 days.
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Yer, it's a laff innit.
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Tourists should need to take an IQ test before they can travel abroad
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The Vikangz stole all the pretty ones.
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Bri'ish
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Margery Stewart Baxter
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This is like judging the appearance of Americans after visiting a trailer park. Only lower class people go to those shitty Spanish resorts
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Yep. Our poshos are way better looking.
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No fair thats clearly a downy
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It's called "having a distinctive appearance" when you are landed gentry
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Souf nonce detected
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souvern poofta
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I hoped after Brexit they would disappear from Budapest.
While reduced, there are still too many bongs around and after a while it's true, you can instantly tell from the clothes+face whether it's a bong or not.
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Describing bong dude leg hair as “like a goat’s hair” is v v kino
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No such thing
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This is the ideal male body. You may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like
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POV: You are foreigner about to get BTFO And Sneedpost online
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I'm not surprised the british managed to colonize the world. if your mating prospects look the way they are in britain, you'd be doing your best to get the frick out of there, too, even if it means sailing across the world - at least you'd be as far away from britain as possible.
I always hoped the "ugly brit" thing was just some misled stereotype to degrade the otherwise all-too-successful brits, but living there for a couple of months proved that it's all true. the extremely visible effects of inbreeding? horse- and pasty-faced women running free on the streets? being able to tell natives from immigrant by the number of teeth in their mouth? prison tattoos that they apparently think of as some work of art?
all of it was true.
god help the brits, because I'm sure no amount of makeup ever could.
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inbreeding
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Would
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Your ideas are terrifying and your hearts are faint. Your acts of pity and cruelty are absurd, committed with no calm, as if they were irresistable. Finally, you fear blood more and more. Blood and time.
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I'm pretty sure it's actually the result of some kind of curse.
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Great find!
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