My dear commenters, this is an r-slured concept but its pretty fun. You have been given a scenario and you must achieve your quest of getting marsey a birthday present . I will be the neutral arbiter who will help or hinder you in achieving your goal.

You awaken in your room with pj's on. In the fever dream of a nightmare you had last night, a glimmer of truth was revealed to you; you didn't get your beloved cat, Marsey, a birthday present! How foolish of you! You must get your present before the party starts at noon. You also must get a birthday cake, party decorations, and a clown.

Post your replies in a single comment chain, branching paths will be converged into a single path. Post your comments and I'll maintain continuity as they're posted. If it ends up being too much of a clusterfrick I'll just ignore some comments.

!ttrpg

The story so far...

You started the day by drinking some water from the sink. It was salty. You attempted to whip out your monster peepee, but to no avail. You checked your pockets and found a few items (inventory will be listed at the bottom). You asked your mother to drive you and she said she would for 2 bpp (big person points) which you accepted. You put on your gear and washed your face and go downstairs to get a poptart. While mommy is cooking that, you stole her wallet and hid it in your nonbinary anus before getting into the car and driving to the Gigaplex (a mall downtown). You've entered the Gigaplex and looked around. What you saw was as follows: CLOWN WORLD, Freddy Fazbear's freddy fazbear, Greasy's Breadburger Joint, Shopaholic DX, Mark's Mann's Firing Range, Delicious Doggy, Party City, Hot Topic, a pretty big guy, the food court, and a whole bunch of hylics. [You Are Here]

inventory:

[Mildly C*m-Stained Marvel T-Shirt] - a terribly drawn depiction of you and black panther making out

[Grey Sweatpants] - nothing of note about these, thankfully

[Panama Hat] - This hat kind of looks like a fedora so you wear it

[Camo Crocs] - You forgot to put these on. Wait, no they're on. Frick.

[Morbius Backpack] - You HATE this backpck, but the batman one is missing

[Wallet] - Its one of those privacy wallets with the lock and chain, you got it when you were 12 and its barely holding on with a great deal of duct tape

[Bent Fork] - idk maybe you could use this as a weapon or something

[Flip phone] - also obtained when you were 12, only contacts are your mother and your significant other who's off in china probably screwing massive black bulls

[Marsey Meese Membership Card] - its like chuck e cheese if rdrama invented it, you probably have some free pizzas on this thing or something so its worth keeping around

[Mommy's Wallet] - you cleverly stole this from your mommy and hid it in your gunt. This is probably going to be your main source of cash so good thinking

Background

Vixen is an internet pornography company based in Los Angeles, California. It was founded in 2014 by Greg Lansky along with partners Steve Matthyssen and Mike Miller. Greg Lanksy sold his stake in the business in January 2020. There are eight websites that are run under the Vixen Media Group: Vixen, Tushy, Blacked, Blacked Raw, Tushy Raw, Deeper, Slayed, and Milfy. When commenting on Blacked.com, Lansky stated the following:

My vision for Blacked before the site was even started was always and still is about beauty. I've always been a big fan of fashion photography and always appreciated the beauty of the contrast between two skins colors. Many great photographers like Jean-Paul Goude who recently did those awesome shots of Kim-K have always played with contrasts. I would say Fashion is still a big inspiration for me.

Julio Gomez arrested

The NYPD arrested Gomez on October 9, charging him with burglary, sexual abuse, criminal obstruction of breathing, forcible touching and assault, according to the New York Daily News.

Police say Gomez, 36, followed the 42-year-old woman into an elevator during the 8 a.m. hour at a building in Stuyvesant Town on the East side of Manhattan, according to the Daily News. When the woman tried to run, he allegedly pulled her into the stairwell, where he “straddled her and choked her” before fleeing the scene after she screamed, the report said.

He is awaiting arraignment in Manhattan criminal court, the report said. Gomez has performed in about 20 porn scenes in the past two years—almost all for Blacked.

https://avn.com/business/articles/legal/nypd-charges-performer-julio-gomez-with-sexual-abuse-assault-803423.html

Julio Gomez persecution

Julio, also known as Melvin Collins, is currently held in Rikers Island, has taken to social media to complain about his treatment. He has been held for three years awaiting trial. He complains about the violence in Rikers Island which causes him fear. He claims that because of this, people carry weapons. He has also been stabbed in the face, causing him to receive 13 stitches.

"The officers' lives are in jeopardy, it's true. And the inmates' lives are in jeopardy, too," he said. "You have so many violent people coming in the jail because of what they're getting picked up for off of the streets ... In order to protect yourself, people have weapons."

Conclusion

This is no way to treat our superstars. It seems he is being utterly buckbroken in prison. This must stop immediately. Prison reformation is a must.

@Spiderman, dont forget to remember the future!

SIR, DO NOT REDEEM THOSE FLIGHT INSTRUCTIONS. HE'S A FAKER

No, he's the faker

!pnw Redditors are enjoying the never ending crime wave.

Same happend to me last month in a parking garage right next to my work

Did you also park like a jackass?

Literal victim blaming

Had my Gass tank drilled into for $5 worth of gass.. cost about $2400 to fix had to pay 800 out of pocket .

Just needed something to huff real quick

Just happened to me in Ballard Friday. A fun night out at the tractor tavern turned into me being pissed off.

Some frickhead drilled into my silverados fuel tank two weeks ago in ballard to steal $60 worth of gas. Frick these drugged out homeless criminals.

Some tweaker was always wandering around my office, then one night I found my window smashed. Whoever smashed it (I have a pretty good idea) stole my girlfriend's gym bag, which was filled with stinky laundry and nothing else.

I hate to tell ya…but that might have been all he wanted… 😤 lol

First off - sorry this happened to you Second - I can't express this enough - Seattle has become a dangerous place to raise a family and try to grow personally and / or wealth. It is unfortunate - but the support systems that are supposed to be in place (police, legal, mental health, public offices) are failing to stop this. The crumbling of the support systems - and the "act like it's everyone else's problem" is what drove me to move my family after 25 years in Seattle. it's sad.

Woah let's settle down there. Raising a family is perfectly fine here. Making money here is perfectly fine. I would suggest traveling the rest of the country if you think otherwise. Seattle has it great in comparison. I'd love to hear where is better.

Um it's not. I speak from what it was 25 years ago until today. You may think it's completely fine but you're masking the societal problems plaguing the city.

I have traveled. I have researched many other cities of same size and moved because of the reasons I cited.

It's fine if you think it's ok. I don't have a beef with you but in reality most folks in Seattle are in denial and defensive of their city. I get it. I was you 10 years ago.

One other comical point. I find that the people of Seattle will spend more time debating on line about how great the city is instead of working with their elected officials or community to change things.

I tired for a while and gave up after futile efforts with city council.

The votes of r-slurs like this are what put the city in such a shit position in the first place. They will literally vote for easy on crime DA/politicians until the are culturally enriched to death by a tweaker

This is what happens when you have Democrats in control

Absolute moron. Red states have statistically higher crime rates, but facts are hard to comprehend I guess

!dixie know about red states but blue cities

And !chuds know what the south has in abundance that accounts for that statistical anomaly.

But in reality many cities are underreporting or not reporting their crime or pulling the jap method of if we can't solve it we don't acknowledge it ever happened.

This is why I just leave my vehicle unlocked. I keep nothing inside of any value and if there are going to break in, I'd rather not deal with a busted window. Haven't had a problem since other than someone stealing altoids from my console

People are desperate. This will keep happening until we put down real social networks. If we got rid of the moratorium on public housing and started working towards reversing the damages done since the 70s crime would lower in a lot of ways because housing our disabled and criminally ill would also get people off illegal drugs since that's partially why we don't have public housing is so that we have a prison class we can exploit for slave labor

I almost respect the dedication it takes to reject reality. It has to be hard work.

There is plenty of cope, rage, and idiocy in the comments to enjoy

If you want to understand why your 22-28 year old staff have wildly confused understanding of professional norms - there's currently a (mildly satirical) LinkedIn post by a WFH SDR talking about how he spends a bunch of time throughout his "average day" changing diapers of his…

— Peter Kazanjy (@Kazanjy) May 17, 2024

Lots of people calling him a peepeehead or robot mostly:

https://twitter.com/eliotpszw/status/1791700444219371614

https://twitter.com/TheSalesBull1/status/1791592129460125797

https://twitter.com/Kazanjy/status/1791898443222585526

Makes a whiny post about it the next day:

https://twitter.com/Kazanjy/status/1792353196477944076

There were a series of accusations about our company last August from a former employee. Immediately following these accusations, LMG hired Roper Greyell - a large Vancouver-based law firm specializing in labor and employment law, to conduct a third-party investigation. Their…

— Linus Tech Tips (@LinusTech) May 22, 2024

Remember all the excitment of the New Apartment? Cobes was actually stoked, he was streaming about it. Some people came to visit.

If he got his own trailer in that era it would have been amazing. Housewarming party with all the cretins, a multiday celebration, pizza boxes stacked to the ceiling and gallons of cobras mist