"hey lois, this reminds me of that one time I fell asleep while jacking off in middle school and ended up butt-texting /h/pokeporn to half of my classmates and also my parents!" "the worst part is that you did it again literally the next night with /r/traphentai!" "hehehehe that's why they sent me to gay conversion camp and I've been really weird with my sexuality ever since, I'm not even an incel I'm just a gay furry whose buried too deep in the closet and is desperately trying to repress it even further!" ___________________________________________

▶︎ Thread Theme: https://youtu.be/KheI_qHGT1o?si=nhz4iS6_SySc1MkH 
ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧

___________________________________________ For those of you who aren't D&D nerds, for a bunch of D&D nerds to get together and do D&D, they need one of them to take the role of the "Dungeon Master" (no not that dungeon ) or "Game Master" if you play a hipster non-D&D game to come up with a setting and plot and adventures for the other D&D nerds to play with. This job is tedious as hell so the only reason anybody actually does it is to fulfill some fetish of theirs. That's why I like GMing Vampire: the Masquerade because vampires make my dick hard. Anyway, one heroic anon on /tg/ has been actually running D&D for his friends out of the kindness of his heart! Just kidding, he likes monster .

There's gonna be some /d/ shit in here, word of warning. I've been running various campaigns in this group for about 6 years, mostly doing a single homebrew West Marches-style campaign. I've more or less kept the same group of players for this time, which is surprising given I've mostly gone for a pretty edgy setting and campaign style, which is what they've come to expect.

Some translations into normalspeak: "Magical Realm" is /tg/ lingo for "fetish." "Homebrew" means the rules have been modified from the core rulebook. "West Marches" is a meaningless buzzword meaning open world but not open world but open world, it's dumb.

Here's where I fucked up. See, a good chunk of my setting I like to attribute to being inspired by stuff like Aliens, Berserk, Event Horizon, etc. In truth, I just really like monster . A good chunk of my setting involves monster , I just somehow managed to hide it by a combination of saying "oh it's like Goblin Slayer", by painting it in a horror lens, and by not focusing on it that much. Which seemed to be working out for me until just now, where I called one of them over to fix up my phone (he's a technician) and he accidentally found my emergency stash of monster porn/bestiality hentai/real /d/ shit in the process. I tried to play it off as "actually the horse was just a black guy at a weird angle" but I don't think he bought it. I know he's gonna tell everyone else and even if they don't doubt me they won't look at my campaign the same way again and they'll see it for the magical realm that it is.

Apparently this guy was able to sneak fetish shit past normies by saying "oh it's like Goblin Slayer." Have I mentioned yet that I hate anime so much it's unreal? Anime fans are such fucking they'll put up with anything if you compare it to anime.
Now, we can also see here that our narrator is a scrote. He thinks he can get away with monster "by painting it in a horror lens." Any true erotica enjoyers know that foids LOVE their horror porn. I guess I do too but I self-insert as the monster.

"Actually the horse was just a black guy at a weird angle."

Sincerely what the fuck do I do, /tg/?

Personally, I'd say to just your players IRL and call it LARPing, but let's see if /tg/ agrees with me or not.

FBPB.

OP never actually specified if he wants to be a monster or be d by monsters, so we don't know how well this solution would work!

OH SHIT!

It's a SUBPLOT!

Subplot A- "Why do you goon?

Between these two responses, we see the two types of 4chan users: s who cannot possibly conceive masturbation, and """self-aware""" porn addicts. "Erm they're both saying the same thing, there's no reason to have an emergency goon stash!" SHUT UP! Clearly the first poster has no idea why anyone would have an emergency goon stash, while the second knows exactly why one would have an emergency goon stash, and knows that "why" is a bad reason. "It wasn't right he got subjected to it" is a pussy take lmao, did people learn nothing from Hunter? If you don't want to see a man at his freakiest, maybe don't go snooping around his files? "I'm also a porn addict" lol it's literally November you just need to stop touching your dick. "The best thing you can do is get rid of it" I agree.

>Why do you have porn saved to your phone like a fucking idiot?

Did you learn nothing from Tumblr and Imgur?! Big Brother can and WILL take your porn away at any time without warning.

This anon is on to something but he fails to realize the power OP now has. He can innocuously bring in a big scary monster, knowing full well this player will be utterly terrified of being d by it.

not only was she looking up Geto x Gojo Yaoi on da clock, but it was MPreg AND Gojo was Bottoming. That's how you know she's the #RealDeal https://t.co/1PQtEojiqb

— Ash (@SantanaelChan) November 21, 2024

I love mpreg so much it's unreal. Not fond of Jujutsu Kaisen, however.

spoken like a true edgelord one day I'm going to purify those who wish to mock me by fumigating them with my rancid farts from my plant-free diet

I don't want to imagine what OP and his group most likely look like, then imagine them all jacking off under the table. Also consent takes all the fun out of monster sex. Have I told the story yet of how back in college when I ran D&D one of my players was a gay guy who really wanted to fuck my ass? I didn't let him, for the record, which took as me playing hard to get and ultimately started stalking me to try and learn where I lived.

goddamn normies with their normie ass monster fetishes, why can't we go back to the good old days of /tg/ where we were all into getting concrete shat into our rectums from the nipples of daemonettes? (this but unironically)

>Most people masturbate.

*most people who use 4chan

>most people have at least some strange kinks

*most people who use 4chan

there's no less than 5 erp/porn threads on /tg/ at any given time now, there's even an erp general, 15 years ago 1d4chan joked that /tg/ was just blue /d/ but they had no idea just how bad things would get.

SUBPLOT A RESUMES!

fuck bipox it's 2 am I'll finish this later

whoops it's been a week and I forgot about this and the thread died whoops

So basically the right split into two factions, tech right and right right, and the tech right is like "hey we need h-1b visa people to do the jobs," and the right right was like "no you need to hire americans," and the tech right is like "but you guys are retarded," and the… pic.twitter.com/KatlmN6BuX

— Autism Capital 🧩 (@AutismCapital) December 26, 2024

i lvoe u all, thnak u for usnig the fukcing stie

first off, if yall are getting married, yall better be signing prenuptial agreements, either that or splitting your mbux 20/80.

Mention of WPD and original comment

Finale: an a i Capybara YT Channel i follow!

Just listen for yourself. pic.twitter.com/90VIeJnQQL

— Charles Johnson's Thoughts & Adventures (@JohnsonThought1) December 27, 2024

Holy shit

Whoever chose the title was doing a bit of trolling

Concord and implacability, name a more iconic duo

Episode opens with shitty pirate accent voice about Concord's lore. FTL travel exists but randomly kills people sometimes

TFW traveling through the limitless reaches of space at hyperlight speeds but you get sniped by a screw

Scene cuts to random woman(?) bound up

Dollar store Thanos confirms that the protag is a foid. Apparently she has some special chip that Thanos wants to extract.

We cut to a new character

He seems to be working with a grumpy

The two men spring into action, opening a door containing the Black lady. , , and a doctor all spring into action. They free the woman, smash a window, and try ziplining away. Thanos cuts the zipline Lots of MCU-style quips

There was also this character distracting some guards in the background. Apparently another member of the crew

The teletubby starts blasting Thanos with its finger guns. Teletubby gets shot in the head, but is revealed to be a talking fish.

Some trash mobs swarm the crew, I guess they're looking to another crew member for backup. "They say Julius is amazing. Always on, always ready..."

He wasn't actually ready lmfao!!!! Typical worthless tbh .

Sniper tells him they need to go so he closes the ramp and starts to leave . The rest of the crew make it half a second before the ship launches. The Captain(?) isn't seen reaching the ship. They bicker for a while, until a scary guard enters the room holding them at gunpoint. Surprise, it's actually the Black woman captain!!!

They for a bit about whether or not the captain has secured the valuable route through space. She did . Apparently the chip she had in her arm grants access to every single guild navigation route.

Cuts to the guild attacking the ship. The ship loses all of its fins(??) that allow it to steer. Julius starts to so takes back over on the ship.

Somehow, everyone randomly starts passing out

But wait! Julius is shown wearing a gas mask and walking away with a smug look. Is the blond white male a traitor?

Cut to waking up from the knockout gas. Julius and Thanos are chatting on Zoom. Thanos wants the chip and and promises to leave the rest of the crew alone. Surprisingly, the crew seems cool with this and asks for a bounty. The bounty is large

12,500,000 MONEYS!?!?!

gets up and challenges Julius to tie her down . He gets nervous and unfastens to back him up. But SURPRISE! is still loyal to the captain! He opens the airlock, killing Julius and nobody else.

gives a hand.

This gives an idea. She uploads the chip and its trade routes to the galactic internet

Thanos rages, the crew accelerate forward with their ship, heading straight into the big scary storm foreshadowed earlier.

There's a gay slowmo montage of them all nodding at each other as purple storm magic swirls around them. The bartender who has been telling this whole story reveals that they may have survived, because he has the funko pop that they brought onto that ship.

Final Rating: 3/10 . ChatGPT writes Guardians of the Galaxy fanfiction. I shouldn't have wasted my time watching and reviewing this garbage. I hope this post is long enough to count as an effortpost, but if it isn't, the least you can do is upmarsey me or donate some dramacoin for going to all this trouble and saving you from having to watch this terrible episode. Thanks!

We named @Tesla after Nikola Tesla, one of the greatest engineers ever.

He was a penniless immigrant whose inventions led to American dominance in electricity generation and usage. pic.twitter.com/1K1IdSUjM0

— Elon Musk (@elonmusk) December 27, 2024

Most Based Comments

Basedness: 🔥🔥🔥🔘🔘

I've already messaged Coulthart as well (107)

Following this so I can see what responses are. Please keep us up to date on the communication if you can! (49)

Basedness: 🔥🔘🔘🔘🔘

Right? I wouldn't touch that with a bare hand (or sleep with it under your pillow), before seeing if it was putting out any excessive Rads. Amazing sighting, I believe you. Maybe I'm an Idiot, but I believe you. (434)

Definitely don't lick it. (102)

Basedness: 🔥🔘🔘🔘🔘

I can put them in touch! Please OP! Reach out to Garry! I'll send him screenshots of this (322)

DO IT (72)

Angriest Comments

Angriness: 😡😡😡😡😡

You will become an alien. YOU TOUCHED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱😱How can you make such a mistake. 👽🛸Watch out buddy 🙏 (1)

Angriness: 😡😡😡😡😡

Liar liar liar liar liar liar liar liar (1)

Angriness: 😡😡😡😡😡

Meteor Bert: Well, it ain't a meteor.Joe Dirt: Yeah, it is. It came out of the sky.Meteor Bert: Well I'm sure it did but it ain't no meteor. It's a big ol' frozen chunk o' shit.Joe Dirt: What?Meteor Bert: Oh yeah, see them airplanes they dump their pottys 36,000 feet. The stuff freezes and falls to earth. We call 'em Boeing bombs.[chomps teeth]Joe Dirt: No, that can't be. That's not what it is.Meteor Bert: Oh, afraid so. See that peanut? Dead giveaway.Joe Dirt: Uhhh, no, that's a space peanut.Meteor Bert: No, afraid not. That just a big ol' frozen chunk of poopy.Studio manager: Dude, you were eating off it! (1)

Biggest Lolcow: /u/LordFlarkenagel

Score: 🐮🔘🔘🔘🔘

Number of comments: 2

Average angriness: 🔘🔘🔘🔘🔘

Maximum angriness: 😡😡😡🔘🔘

Minimum angriness: 😡😡😡🔘🔘

NEW: Subscribe to /h/miners to see untapped drama veins, ripe for mining!

autodrama: automating away the jobs of dramneurodivergents. Ping HeyMoon if there are any problems or you have a suggestion

This is what London looks like after being promised the same “bright and talented” workers Musk is trying to bring into America pic.twitter.com/rokRy6DbxG

— E (@ElijahSchaffer) December 26, 2024

Will DOGE and Musk be out of the Trump administration before he even takes office?

this account is now gone https://t.co/xO6pJqH0W0

— Foxford Comics (@FoxfordComics) December 26, 2024

There is no shortage of American talent

What there is, is a system designed to suppress American talent

— Jack Poso 🇺🇸 (@JackPosobiec) December 26, 2024

Donald Trump & Elon Musk plan to replace White Americans with Indians, it's clear now. pic.twitter.com/hzaGIsI0US

— Decentralise Party (@DecentraliseP) December 26, 2024

There are over 330 million people in America. Surely, there must be enough among them to build your ultimate team? Why would you deny real Americans that opportunity by bringing foreigners here?

— iamyesyouareno (@iamyesyouareno) December 25, 2024

I cannot take them seriously pic.twitter.com/crrm8afoe9

— Lord Miles Official (@real_lord_miles) December 26, 2024

So if you've been on the internet, you're used to those challenges that ask who would win between two animals e.g. bear vs lion, alligator vs polar bear. There's tons of YouTube channels dedicated to that shit. Today, I'd like to ask a different question - who would win in an all-out battle between the Hutus of Rwanda and the Zulus of South Africa. Let's take a look at their basic stats.

Hutus and the World's Greatest Manlet Uprising

My aim here isn't to provide a history lesson on the Rwandan genocide, but just to give an overview of the Hutus and what they're capable of. There had been tension between the Hutu and Tutsi tribes in Rwanda since colonial times. The colonisers saw the Tutsis as superior because they were taller and had slender noses unlike the shorter Hutus. Once Rwanda gained independence, many people and parties vied for power, but the Hutus won out, as they had greater numbers, and many Tutsis were driven out of the country. During this time of Hutu rule, Hutus were taught to hate Tutsis and see them as extremists and traitors.

In 1994, a plane carrying President Habyarimana and Burundi's President Cyprien Ntaryamira, was shot down, and the Tutsis were blamed for the attack. Almost immediately, the message was sent out to "cut the tall trees". This was a call for Hutus all over the country to begin slaughtering Tutsis. Over a hundred days, 800,000 Tutsi were subjected to r*pe and murder. It was a bloodbath, and everyone participated in it, including ordinary Hutus who had been led to believe Tutsis are the enemy.

Hutus had firearms, but ordinary citizens made use of machetes to kill Tutsis, and they killed their own co-workers neighbors, and local business owners. By the end of it over 40% of the population had been killed or had fled. This should serve as a stern warning - don't frick with manlets. When we rise up, we do so with much ferocity.

Zulus - Africa's Most Successful Tribe?

So this is the tribe I belong to. I've never taken a DNA test but my entire family is Zulu. The Zulu have a reputation for being fierce warriors and they've participated in more than a few genocides in addition to indulging in a bit of slavery. Zulu culture is very militaristic, and being a warrior is synonymous with being a man (Ndoda). When I turned 21, I was gifted a spear and animal-skin shield from my father as a sign that I had entered manhood.

Under the leadership of Shaka Zulu, the tribe expanded its territory. This period is known as the "Mfecane" and it is estimated that up to 2 million people were killed by Zulus. The tribe is also greatly respected by the British and the Zulu royalty famously has a close relationship with British royalty. This is in part because the Zulus are about the only African tribe that have ever beaten the British in a battle, specifically the Battle of Isandlwana in which the British were defeated by Zulus with inferior weaponry. It should be noted that while the Zulus won the battle, the British did win the Anglo-Zulu War.

Today, there are about 12 million Zulus with most of them concentrated in KwaZulu-Natal, South Africa.

Setting up the battleground

So, we want to make things a fair match-up between the two tribes. So let's imagine that the different tribes are unified (all 12 million Zulus working together, and all 11 million Hutus are working together). They are armed with their traditional weapons i.e. Hutus have their machetes and Zulus have their spears and shields.

Since the Zulus have 1 million more people, I'll give the Hutus an advantage and say that the battle takes place on their homeground - Rwanda. The Zulus have come around to seize territory and it is up to the Hutus to defend their country and their tribe.

Neither group may ask for outside help, and the West/UN cannot interfere.

A few things to consider

Hutus have a few advantages. They are on home ground, so they know the lay of the land. Secondly, the Rwandan genocide demonstrated that the Hutus are capable of swift and decisive genocide in a short period of time and can be ruthless. However, there are some disadvantages. While they can work in unison, they haven't demonstrated the kind of organised military that the Zulus have demonstrated they are capable of. Secondly, though Zulus won't be on home ground, this isn't something new and they are used to claiming uncharted territory. The Hutus, using machetes, have to get up close to murder while the Zulus can fling spears. However, throwing a spear makes it a single-use weapon, whereas a machete can be used to kill multiple people.

Personal thoughts

I'm betting my money on the Zulus. Don't get me wrong, I think it would be an epic battle and no side would get away without mass casualties. Additionally, I think the Hutus as a whole are more ruthless and violent, and they're more willing to use obscene methods of torture such as r*pe and cannibalism. However, I believe a well-organized Zulu army is going to trounce most African tribes, as it has in the past.

Top Drama

Relative Drama (takes into account the size of the subreddit)

autodrama: returning jobs to dramneurodivergents. Ping HeyMoon if there are any problems or you have a suggestion